Unforeseeable

I have to do this. I have no other options. It’s not like anyone will find out.

I can feel my heart beating wildly as I look at myself in the mirror of the unfamiliar staff bathroom. I can’t believe I am doing this. I look down at my brand new uniform and adjust the too tight denim shorts that barely hide my butt cheeks and black tank that exposes way too much cleavage. I notice my hands shaking as I do so and try to relax myself by taking big deep breaths. I can’t believe I am doing this.

Deep breath in.

Deep breath out.

My heart rate begins to settle as I reach for my bag and organize the rest of my belongings. I wish I had a choice in this but, unfortunately I don’t. I need money, and I need it fast.

I walk out to see Kelly waiting by the changing room door. She is looking at her iphone in disinterest. She wore the club uniform like a model with her long brown legs and slim figure. She was north of 40 but no doubt a crowd favourite here. She spots me and immediately lights up.

“OMG that fits perfectly. It looks great on you”.

She fusses with my black bob wig a bit before standing back with a smile on her face. “Perfect” she says.

Kelly looks at my face and notices my lack of enthusiasm.

She gives me a small smile and places her hands on my upper arms. “Hun, I know this wasn’t what you planned but it will be okay”. Kelly was the manager here and also Rodney’s, the owner’s wife. They were the only ones who knew why I needed the job and my real identity. I had broken down in their office during the interview and couldn’t hold back the pain and the memories that flooded out of me. They had felt awful. They had known my step dad years ago and had agreed to give me a job so I could stay away from him.

With a shaky breath I follow her out through the dressing room, through the kitchen and to the bar.

“So what you are going to do today is to clear the tables and learn the different sections in the club okay. Then when you come in tomorrow we will go over where everything is in the bar and start your training there”.

I looked around as people started coming in through the main door smiling and looking around.

I look at the neon sign above the bar ’Hoot and Holler”. My heart beats so loudly in my chest. Just think of the money Lyla. Just think of the money.

After spending an hour with Kelly learning the ropes I go round and clear the few glasses and clean tables in the three different areas. The DJ gets on the mic 30 minutes ago and it has been full on since then. There are four semi private stages set up with a single pole in the middle. They have large drapes around them to offer more privacy but they are almost never closed. The whole place was a mix between a strip club and a DJ pit. Pretty much one place for it all.

It gets to 1am and the place is bouncing. There are over 150 people here dancing and jumping around. The stages were all working and the bar was full.

I had sweat pouring off my body as I went back and forth collecting glasses and cleaning tables. The heat in this place was insane and I was now glad that my uniform was tiny cause I definitely couldn’t wear any more layers.

Kelly motions for me to have a break and I go outside into the cool night air to an alley outside of the dressing room. I chug a bottle of water and lean against the cold brick wall. I close my eyes and let the cold seep into my skin. God this is all so insane.

I am interrupted by the familiar ping of a text.

I look at my phone to see multiple missed messages from my older step brother Jason. Crap I forgot to call him. God I loved my brother but if he knew where I was he would be so furious. It was a few messages asking how I was and to call him when I got a chance. It was already 1:30 in the morning so I sent him a message saying I was at a study group that ran late and that I had just got home.

I hate lying to him but he would be so mad and disappointed in me right now.

You see I had a really messed up family. My father died when I was a baby so my mum raised me the best she could. But she was an alcoholic and struggled with addiction. When I was 8 she met my step father and they married after knowing each other for only 4 months. His name was Owen and he had a son of his own, my step brother Jason who was already 14. My mother pulled Owen down the rabbit hole with alcoholism and drugs leaving me and Jason to raise ourselves. She killed herself 2 years later in a psychotic episode caused by crack. Jason left for college as soon as he was 18 on a Ice Hockey scholarship leaving me and my step dad in Savannah. I tried to stay out of his way but, when he was high or drunk he said I resembled my mother. On multiple occasions he would beat me and try to touch me inappropriately. I ended up locking myself in my room every time I was home so he couldn’t come near me.

It was a living hell.

I completed school and as soon as I turned 18 I moved away from him to Philadelphia to go to community college for accounting. I worked 2 jobs to stay afloat and away from him. It wasn’t enough though, hence the new night job. I was in my last year but it would take at least another 50 to get rid of the school loans. Yay for adulting.

I was now 20 and Justin was now 26 but he had always remained in contact and really close. The thing is he didn’t know all the things his father had done and tried to do to me after he had left. I’m afraid that if he finds out he wouldn’t believe me and would think I was a liar and manipulative bitch like my mother. I’m afraid he would resent me. I didn’t want the only family I had left to abandon me.

He was all I had.

I knew he would be sleeping but he would get it in the morning. You see he was part of the Hawkes Hockey team and traveled all over the world to compete. He was the hardest worker I knew and had done so well for himself. I didn’t want to ruin that.

I look up at the clear night sky and take a big breath, trying to push away the tears I feel burning in my eyes. He would be so disappointed in me if he knew where I was.

I shake my head to clear the unpleasant thoughts of the past before making my way back inside for the rest of the night.

At 5 am I stood with my back towards the bar looking around. We were finally shut and all cleaned up. I had made around 200 dollars in tips tonight and was very happy with that. I waited for Kelly as she was going to drive me home. Even though it was a 15 minute walk she insisted.

I made my way up the stairs to my fourth floor studio apartment. The apartment building itself was made out of decaying bricks and was covered in graffiti. It wasn’t much but it was freedom.

I had a tiny kitchen with three cupboards with broken doors. A sink, a minifridge on the side, a hot plate and a microwave. All a girl needed. I then had a couch that doubles as a bed facing towards a window with a fire escape. That was all. All the people on the floor shared a bathroom and I was okay with that. The whole apartment was about 5 square metres and not up to any health and safety code but I didn’t care.

The day I turned 18 I grabbed my two bags and used all my savings on a bus ticket to here. The landlord wanted proof I had a job to pay the rent but she let me move in straight away. I had already landed one of the jobs before moving but got the second later that week. I had only met her that one time. I hadn’t even seen her around the halls or when paying. Fine by me though.

I hopped straight into my couch and pulled my fluffy blanket over me. Exhaustion hitting me like a ton of bricks. I settled down and drifted off to sleep, knowing I had to be up in 4 hours for class.