Voiceless

Damn, it’s freezing. I wish I could sleep… just a little longer. Maybe the blood would start flowing through my veins again. I’m so numb I can’t even open my eyes.

I feel like a popsicle. Actually, that’s not such a bad idea...a popsicle licked by a warm tongue.

I’ll think about Dean, just to enjoy it. God, what a couple we are. I never would have imagined finding someone that hot...and above all, someone who’s crazy about me.

What do I even have that’s so special?

If I think about the other night… no, better not. Otherwise my macho man will turn me inside out.

I feel like laughing, but I can’t even pull my mouth enough to smirk. Must be the cold.

Still, it’s strange. Sure, it’s January, but I thought I left the heat on.

I hope I can at least open my eyes. I feel exhausted. If I’m already like this at twenty, what’s going to happen to me at fifty?

Is that even possible? One night of partying and wild sex was enough to knock me out. Actually, no...not knock me out. I can’t even wake up.

Let’s see if I can close my hands.

Come on, Jake, focus on your fingers and try to move them. It shouldn’t be that hard. Try, damn it!

How is this even possible!? It’s not normal that I can’t move a muscle. Oh God… what if something happened to me during the night?

And yet the last thing I remember is fucking him. Then we said goodbye and I went home… at least I think I did. I’d had a few drinks, but I wasn’t out of my mind.

And we don’t even live far apart. I just cross the main street and I’m home. If something had really happened to me, I wouldn’t be here arguing with my own brain.

I’m just exhausted, that’s all.

God, I’m freezing. A cold that’s crushing my bones. They hurt… no, actually nothing hurts. My forehead just feels a little damp. Do I have a fever? Great. I’m sick.

My hair must be a mess. My blond curls probably look like some crooked banana helmet.

Let’s just hope he doesn’t get the crazy idea of coming to wake me up. No, he’s working…

Oh God! He’s off. Of course. I knew it. If he sees me like this, he won’t like me anymore. Damn it...and I can’t even open these fucking eyelids!

Baby, even if you see me like this, you won’t have anything to say about my blue eyes. Seriously? I should be worried about actually opening them first.

Okay, think positive. Relax. You’re lucky, Jake. You’re twenty, you’ll become a lawyer, your parents gave you a beautiful apartment, and you’re madly in love. What more could you want?

Okay...I want to wake up. I want to move. I want to get off this thing that doesn’t even feel like my bed.

God, I’m such an idiot.

Where the hell would I be if not under my own sheets? I’m sure I didn’t stay at his place...the “doctor,” as I like to call him. Stupid? Yeah. But I like it.

And… what the hell are those noises!? Sounds like metal. Is someone trying to break into my house? Damn it! Not now… not now that I can’t defend myself!

I almost feel like crying, but even my tears seem frozen. They burn under my eyelids, but they won’t fall.

Jake, for God’s sake, wake up and react! At least try to grab your damn phone!

Okay...push the fear away and focus on movement. I know I can do it.

Nothing. Nothing! It’s like I’m paralyzed!

Jesus… maybe someone slipped poison or something into the food I ate so they could rob me.

What’s happening? The bed is moving! They’re moving me! You fucking bastards, what do you want to do to me!? What do you...

Hey! And this light? I can’t see, but I can tell it’s there. Feels like a neon light...and I don’t have neon lights at home!

“There he is.”

Who… who is that? And “there he is” what? Who are you!? Who the hell are you!?

“We need to clean him up, like the boss ordered.”

Clean me up? Are you taking everything? I knew it. Someone drugged me and I fell right into it.

“Look at this.”

Take your hands off me. Take your damn fingers off my forehead!

“There’s not much to fix. Still, if he…”

“It’s not his decision. I want to do it.”

Who are they talking about? And this “him”… what does he want? Why don’t you just steal everything and leave me alone? When I wake up from this vegetative state, I’ll report everything. I can’t recognize you from your voices...and you know it. Do your dirty job and get out.

“I’ll get a cloth and some water, okay?”

“Hurry up. He’ll be here soon. Everything must be done before he arrives, understood?”

Enough! Enough! Jake, do something! Get up off this mattress and show them you’re strong. Show them how much a punch to the face can hurt. Show them...

“Properly, I’m warning you.”

What the hell are you rubbing on my face? What are you doing? Why are you picking on someone who can’t even defend himself?

Move, Jake! Move now! Come on, come on, come on!

Nothing… I can’t do it. Dean, please, come to me!

“Is that good?”

“No! Can’t you see there’s still stuff there?”

Don’t touch me! What if they strip me? What do I do? I’m a mummy!

“That should do it. Let’s put him here, so he’s ready.”

What the hell…

Why are you lifting me!? Put me down! Where are you taking me? Jesus! This isn’t possible. And yet… I’m back in the same place as before, but I’m not cold anymore. I’m getting more and more confused.

I’ll admit it...I’m scared. Scared because I know I can’t react.

“Good. Now go and wait for him. And remember...don’t tell him anything. This isn’t the right moment. Got it?”

Don’t tell him what? That you were having fun with my face? Who knows what you did with that wet cloth. It smelled… I don’t know, like alcohol maybe. Or maybe I’m wrong. After whatever you made me swallow, I’m sure my senses are off.