Chapter 1
Theo did not know how long he had been standing there, staring out at the lake without moving.
Time had lost its meaning somewhere between the moment he had stepped outside and the moment he had realised that the quiet inside him was not peace, but something far more dangerous.
If he followed what he felt deep within him, then he would have to leave Takara behind—and the thought alone settled in his chest like something heavy and suffocating.
It was not fear. He knew fear.
This was worse.
This was the quiet certainty that staying would destroy her.
A hollow, humourless laugh slipped from his lips as he dragged a hand over his face, his fingers trembling faintly as they brushed against his skin.
How much worse could his luck possibly get?
First she had seen him transform, then he had told her the truth.
And somehow - against all reason - she had understood him.
She had stayed.
And just when he had begun to believe, even for a fleeting moment, that something good might come out of all of this, that he might finally not be alone in what he was, they had crossed the one line he had sworn never to cross again.
He had let himself have her.
And now he would have to leave her.
Theo closed his eyes briefly, his jaw tightening as he forced himself to breathe through the tightness in his chest, but it did not help.
It only made it worse.
Because the moment he allowed himself to feel it fully, he knew there was no way out of this that would not cost him something he was not willing to lose.
“How much time do I have?” he whispered, his voice low, strained, almost unrecognisable even to himself, as the unrest inside him began to coil tighter and tighter, like something that had been patient for far too long.
The less, the better.
Theo gave a slow, almost resigned nod, his gaze drifting once more over the black surface of the lake, which lay before him like a restless, bottomless void, as though something beneath it was watching him, waiting for him to make the wrong choice.
Then he turned away.
And this time, he did not hesitate.
Sleep was no longer an option, so Theo watched Takara until she finally woke. The sun had only just risen, and a thin layer of mist had settled over the ground outside.
“Good morning,” she greeted him, offering a small smile, though it faltered almost immediately, as if she had already sensed that something was wrong.
“Good morning. Did you sleep well?” Theo asked, and she pushed herself up, brushing a hand over her face before studying him.
For a long moment.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, ignoring his question entirely, her expression tightening ever so slightly.
She can feel it. Do not lie to her.
Theo hesitated - only briefly, but long enough for suspicion to settle in her eyes.
Unable to hold her gaze, he looked past her, out the window, toward the north.
“I will have to travel for a while,” Theo finally said, letting out a slow breath. When Takara did not respond, he turned his head slightly and looked at her more carefully.
And the moment their eyes met, he flinched.
For the briefest second, her eyes seemed to burn, as though something within them had flickered to life, something ancient and untamed, and the expression in them was almost unsettling.
“Where?” she asked, her voice sharp and controlled.
“To the north.”
“Why?”
Theo swallowed hard. He could barely endure the way she was looking at him now—there was hurt in her gaze, and something else, something dangerously close to accusation.
“I… that is a question I cannot answer. I don’t know how to explain it.”
“You can’t just leave,” she replied, and for the briefest moment, there was something like panic in her voice.
Now Theo forced himself to meet her eyes and nodded.
“Yes, Takara, I can. I have to. I cannot tell you why, but I can tell you this—if I don’t go now, I will regret it.”
Takara let out a short, disbelieving laugh and pushed herself to her feet, beginning to pace the room.
“Do you know what that sounds like to me?” she asked, stopping in front of him and looking at him expectantly.
Theo did not answer.
“Like you’re running away from yourself,” she said instead.
“What exactly would I be running from?” Theo let out a bitter laugh.
Takara looked at him in a way that sent a chill down his spine.
She knows something.
When Fen said it, there was something close to unease in his voice, and Theo could feel the tension inside him rising.
Her gaze rested on him like that of a mother who had just caught her child in a lie.
“I think you know that better than anyone,” she replied quietly.
Theo felt defiance stir within him as he rose to his feet.
“I know how this looks. First you have to witness all of that, then we sleep together, and now I just leave.”
“Then why are you doing it?!” Takara snapped, her voice sharp as he moved toward the door.
“Because I don’t have a choice!” Theo shouted, his voice dropping so low it seemed to vibrate through his chest.
Takara stared at him, stunned.
“Was that you… or Fen?”
The question hit him so hard that he turned and left the room without another word.
Fen seemed no less shaken, because Theo could hear him howl somewhere deep inside.
For a moment, everything went dark, and the familiar, painful burning flared up in his fingernails and toes.
Breathing hard, he braced himself against the wall and forced himself to stay upright.
Down. You need to go down.
Theo did not need Fen’s warning - his body had already started moving toward the cellar stairs when he heard footsteps behind him.
Takara reached for him, her hand closing gently around his forearm.
Theo froze instantly.
Her touch was firm, yet soft at the same time, her fingers slowly trailing down to his wrist before slipping into his hand.
His heartbeat slowed.
The unrest faded.
And the burning began to ease.
It felt as though she was pulling it out of him.
How… is she doing this?
Fen’s voice was filled with something that sounded dangerously close to reverence - and fear.
Theo did not care.
He turned toward her and looked at her, ashamed.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, gently tightening his hold on her hand.
Takara smiled and leaned into him.
“You don’t have to be. But I think you understand now that I can’t let you go alone, don’t you?”
It sounded like a question, but there was only one possible answer.
Theo nodded.
And at the same time, he heard Fen whisper a quiet yes.
Takara smiled softly and nodded toward the upper floor.
“I need a hot shower.”
It took several days for Theo and Takara to make all the necessary arrangements for the estate and their journey before they were finally ready to leave.
Their flight was scheduled for late afternoon, and their bags were packed.
Theo was just about to put his passport away when he heard the heavy front door slam shut downstairs.
Takara looked at him.
“Are you expecting someone?”
“No. Alfred knows we’re leaving today,” Theo replied, already stepping out of the room, his senses sharpening.
“Theodore?”
The moment he heard Esther’s voice, he cursed under his breath.
Alfred must have told them.
Theo went downstairs, where his parents were already waiting in the entrance hall.
“Is it true?” his father asked without preamble, while his mother looked at him with barely restrained fury.
“I sincerely hope, for your sake and your inheritance, that what Alfred told us isn’t true!” she snapped, stepping toward him before Willem held her back.
“Calm down. I’m only leaving for a few weeks,” Theo said, trying to ease the tension, though he could already sense the familiar shift in the air—the scent, the tension—and hear Takara’s quiet footsteps at the top of the stairs.
His parents had not noticed her yet.
“Don’t tell us to calm down. You can’t simply abandon this estate for weeks,” his father said sharply.
“I’ve been gone for weeks before. Sometimes even months. It never bothered you then.”
“What do you even want in Scandinavia? It’s cold, it’s dark - you hate the cold. You need warmth,” his mother said, but her voice trembled slightly.
Theo frowned.
For the first time, he realised something was off.
It almost sounded like they were afraid.
“Why does it bother you so much that Theo wants to go there?” Takara asked, stepping down the stairs.
Esther and Willem both looked at her, then exchanged a glance that said far more than words ever could.
They ignored her question and turned back to Theo, their expressions shifting - pleading now, almost desperate.
“I’m asking you, Theo. If you go there… you won’t come back,” Willem said, his voice unusually strained.
Theo stared at him, confused, and shook his head.
“My decision is final.”
He turned and went upstairs to get their luggage, hearing his mother’s voice rise in outrage behind him, accusing Takara of interfering in Theo’s life.
Wasn’t that exactly what they wanted her to do?
Fen’s dry remark made Theo almost smile.
When he returned downstairs and Takara pushed her suitcase toward him, Esther’s composure finally broke.
“If you leave this house, you will inherit nothing,” she threatened.
Theo walked to the door and opened it, glancing back over his shoulder.
“No amount of money in the world can give me what you denied me my entire life,” he said—and for the first time, he truly meant it.
Esther and Willem stared at him in stunned silence.
Takara followed him outside.
And then Esther screamed.
“I’m begging you, you can’t go there!”
Her voice broke as she tried to run after him, but Willem held her back.
His expression was far worse than her panic.
He knew it was already too late.
Theo had no idea what was happening with his parents - but the pull inside him was growing stronger with every second.
He had to get on that plane.
He had to leave.
To get away from everything - every memory, every moment, every life he had taken.
And he had to go where something deep within him was already waiting.
