Shattered
I wish I could tell you that the last pill was it for me. A true addict, mad, with a hole in my heart that seems to be bottomless. It’s my fate to crave, wandering lost, and always wanting one more high.
Pain is what brings me back. Back to the asylum. My wrist burn, rubbed raw from leather straps. I scream for the angry Rabbit, Blue, Dee and Tweet.
No one comes. It’s just me in my bed pulling at my restraints. Blonde hair suctioned to my face with sweat coating my clammy skin.
This can’t be happening to me again. I barely made it out alive the last time I returned to Wonderland.
Wonderland. That name. It sounds familiar. Where is that and why am I here. Panic claws sharp up my raw throat.
“Help.” I close my eyes and for a minute I see brown hair. “Maddy.” I whisper. When I open my eyes again bodies are dancing around me. Zombies, moving for the sake of moving. Not dancing, I realize as I look closer. The music in the speaker sounds like it’s winding down. Lyrics deep and dragging syllables out.
This is familiar I know it. Broken somehow like fragmented pieces of glass. Think. Come on. My head spins from my sister’s gaping mouth and hanging eyeball to the Exit sign in neon red letters, it calls out to me.
I avoid the swaying bodies, and push down on the bar of the heavy door. Stale air greets me at the same time as the stench of the dumpster. On the side of it is spray painted letters in black white and red. Off with Their Heads.
The word it knocks something loose at the back of my cranium. I’ve done this before. A sense of deja-vu weighs down on me. The weight so heavy I feel like I might hurl.
I stare into the night. Dirt road and cornfields past the gravel lot. That’s it. They’re all I can see for miles.
“Hello!” My voice echoes but nothing happens. Someone is supposed to pick me up I think. A ride? I’m waiting on a ride.
Wind whips my pale hair around, the gust strong, pebbling my flesh. I glare down at my blue dress tattered and marred with dirt.
My arms fold over my chest as I walk along the road, waiting for something anything to happen.
I’m out of luck. The more I walk the more I see that. This is unbelievably fucked. Alone. Tears rush to my eyes and the fields around me blur.
My face goes to the stars in the sky. “Don’t cry Alice. It makes things worse.” The reminder pops up in my head only the voice isn’t my own.
It’s familiar and part of a memory. “Makes things worse.” I make them talk again, eyes squeezed shut.
Bucked teeth, a top hat. I can almost see him. No name. “Into the cornfield. Go on. We need your help.” This time it’s someone else speaking.
“Need my help?” I say to the person in my head. A memory or really there? Suppose it doesn’t matter if they help me remember.
“The cornfield.” They reiterate. “Right.” I retort once concluding they aren’t going to answer me.
“Fifteen steps.” I’m instructed. Combat boots to the grass I start to count. I’m on step five when I pause. Black and white striped tights cover my legs. I don’t remember these.
“Alice.” Someone says rather impatiently. “Why fifteen. It’s an unlucky number.” I point out. It’s the reason I stopped counting.
“Because it takes fifteen steps.” Crickets chirp in the distance as fireflies flicker and glow in random patterns.
“Alice. Hello. Shit. I’ve lost you again.” A phantom image of an attractive man with stark white hair and glowing crimson eyes appears in front of me.
“This is important. Earth to Alice.” He waves his large hand in my face.
“You’re here but not.” I conclude with a nod, proud of myself for being able to figure out what the fuck is happening to me.
“Yes, because I am a memory. We were worried this would happen. We planned everything and hopefully it wasn’t wasted time.” He scowls. White annoyed brows all scrunched up.
“All right. Chill.” I scowl back. He drops his hand. Toned muscles exposed, scrawling ink on his skin. Tattered gray jeans.
“How can I chill when you keep going away. This is serious Alice. You don’t understand.” He scoffs and turns away from me. At least now I can drool in private.
“I’m coming, Cranky pants.” I mock him. He doesn’t laugh or acknowledge me until we’re standing in front of two cellar doors.
I look at the stalks of corn circling us. “Two cellar doors in the middle of a cornfield.”
Cranky Rabbit turns around. “Oh. Cranky Rabbit. I think that means something.” I mumble to myself.
His clenched jaw loosens and the anger falls from his face. It’s the sadness in his red eyes that viciously slices into my gut.
I gasp grabbing myself where it hurts. Anguish. Sorrow. They burrow inside me and this time the tears flow freely.
“Alice, I know you can’t help it.” His deep voice breaks. “But it’s important you stay with it. Wonderland. It’s worse than ever. Things are dying and fading. Wilting and decaying. Blue, Tweet, Dee, and myself...” He trails off, lips pursed.
“Better not say.” He sighs shaking his head. Nothing infuriates me more than someone about to tell you something important and deciding against it.
Violent wind slams the cellar doors wide open. I startle with a yelp. The man’s phantom body disappears but his voice is still heard.
“Into the hole. It has the answers that you seek. It’s up to you Alice. To save us...I mean Wonderland. If not I’m afraid this is goodbye.” I swear I hear him sniffle.
“What a crummy goodbye.” We say together. It shocks me. How did he know I was going to say that?
I walk to the edge of the cellar to look into the vast darkness. That’s what I planned on but my feet trip over each other and the next thing I know I’m falling head first down the damn hole.
We are back in Wonderland and I’m excited. Though things are going to get a lot worse before they get better. Are you ready for the tea? You’re invited, to the party. Just remember don’t be late!
New chapters coming every week. 🖤 as always thank you for reading the things that go on in my mind.
