Chapter 1
Imagine me a —— year old person. Sad, alone, and has no friends. By “no friends” I mean “NO FRIENDS”.
Why can’t life me just black and white? Like please, why can’t it be either you’re in a Good Mood or you’re in a Bad Mood?
Well, I guess for other people like you guys reading, it’s not black and white Good or Bad. But for me it is. If I get in trouble, then my mood will shift instantly to Bad, or Angry. And if I get Ice Cream or Candy, my mood will be Good.
So then why? Just why can’t I stay in my room all alone, just crying, being Sad?
I believe all emotions, Good or Bad, have two separate groups.
So let’s go through all the names of emotions, and I’ll highlight in green the ones I feel every day or at least five or six times a week. I’ll also explain why I feel them.
GOOD EMOTIONS
Happiness. Sometimes I will feel happiness if I’m hanging out with my dog.
Joy
Excitement
Love
Gratitude
Pride
Confidence
Hope. I might feel hope that tomorrow might be a better day than this one.
Relief
Peacefulness
Contentment
Amusement
Affection
Compassion
Empathy. This one I feel when someone else gets hurt.
Trust
Motivation
Determination
Curiosity
Awe
Satisfaction
Bliss
Euphoria
BAD MOODS
Sadness. I feel sadness when I think about me not having any friends.
Loneliness. I feel loneliness when I’m in my room all alone thinking about how I could be with someone right now having fun.
Grief
Anger. I feel anger at my brother when he steals my stuff or calls me fat.
Frustration. I feel frustration with my parents when they take away my phone and say you haven’t completed all your chores, even though I have.
Irritation. I feel irritation when my parents ask my brother to do something, but then when he doesn’t do it, they get mad at me.
Rage. I feel rage when my brother is like oh you eat all the time all day. Even though I’m practically starving myself so I don’t feel self hatred.
Fear. I feel fear when it’s already 9:00 PM and I still don’t have my homework done.
Anxiety. I feel anxiety when… well, just all the time, even just writing this.
Worry. I feel worry all day every day, like right now worrying if I should post this or just keep it to myself.
Panic. I feel panic when I get anxious and stressed.
Stress. I feel stress about a book report I have to do in two weeks.
Overwhelm. I feel overwhelmed when I have to do fourteen - thirty main classes a day plus four other small ones, also read 100-200 pages of a book.
Disappointed. I feel disappointed with myself when I have 1000 cal a day instead of 500.
Guilt. I feel guilt after I eat. For example, if I enjoy or like a food, when I finish it, I feel guilty for eating “so much”.
Shame. I feel shame when my legs bounce or move every time I walk.
Regret. I feel regret after eating two cookies instead of one.
Jealousy. I feel jealousy when I look at people my age who are pretty and are at least 50 pounds smaller than me.
Envy. I feel envy at a party. Let’s say there’s pizza and cake. Most people around me will have one slice of pizza and one piece of cake, but here I am still wanting more after two pieces of cake and two slices of pizza.
Embarrassment. I feel embarrassment when I’m in a swimsuit.
Insecurity. I feel insecurity when I’m working out somewhere in shorts.
Self-doubt. I feel self doubt when someone my age can run a mile within 7 to 8 minutes, and I feel like I’m gonna die running a mile at 10 minutes.
Worthlessness. I feel worthlessness when I’m in my room all alone, while my dad plays a game with my brother.
Emptiness. I feel emptiness when I’m laying on my bean bag crying with my door locked over just the smallest things.
Hopelessness. I feel hopelessness when my whole family is on the couch watching a show together and having a good time. When once again, I’m in my room crying. But does anybody miss me or wonder where I am? No, they do not.
Resentment. I feel resentment towards my Mom cause she wants me to try out for the dance team or cheerleading, even though she knows I don’t want to because of my history.
Bitterness. I feel bitterness towards both my parents because last night when I was in my room alone reading, my brother and dad were playing a game together, even though my brother didn’t have his homework done and that’s the rule for us. We can’t play games if we don’t have our homework, but then when I play Roblox for 10 minutes after I have my homework done, I get yelled at and get in trouble.
Hatred. I feel hatred towards myself I don’t know why though.
Boredom. I feel boredom all day and that’s when I start eating when I’m bored and that’s when I feel bad or guilty.
Cringe
WOW…. those are a lot of emotions.
So here comes my conclusion. Why can’t the world just be black and white? Why can’t people leave me alone? Why do I have to be bigger than most people. And that’s the thing I’m not even big. I just think I am. Because of what my brother says.
Bye I hope you people reading this have a Good day.
WAIT NO… that’s another WHY. Why do people say I hope you have a Good day?
Why don’t they just say I hope your day comes out however you’re feeling? Cause when people say to me, have a good day I feel pressured to have a good day and if I don’t want to have a good day, then all other emotions just feel bad and like I’m a MESS. Even though I am.
