Chapter 1
I drown in my office between the piles of work and the countless complaints from angry customers.
Whenever I try to get up and sneak to the bathroom to try and rest I get sent back to my desk.
I canโt even go to the bathroom in peace, I throw myself back in the chair admitting defeat.
I rest my head back and stretch, my body is cramped from the constant work, the countless papers and reports, I stare at the door slowly zoning out.
I start thinking of what I should get for lunch but then I slowly start sinking in my thoughts, my brain keeps going back to that one memory from my childhood that still haunts me till this dayโฆ
The screamingโฆ
The bloodโฆ
My motherโs corpseโฆ
Itโs been almost 10 years but I still canโt get over it, I already went through a ton of therapy and yet I still canโt get that damned image out of my head, all that gore still makes me nauseous till this day.
As the sun goes down and the voices of the crowd die, I finally make my way home after a long exhausting day.
my feet dragging across the ground trying to force myself to get home in one piece, I step inside the apartment, exhaustion is clinging to my shoulder.
I take off my shoes and coat then throw my bag on the bed and collapse onto the couch.
I sigh and throw my head back.
The apartment is silent, lights are dim, and the environment is peaceful. My roommate is at work which leaves me all alone. My body is exhausted with fatigue from a job that I donโt even love, a job that barely pays my rent and keeps me fed.
I have to enjoy every second of this rest before I go back to that hell hole again tomorrow.
I close my eyes and feel sleep slowly take a toll on my mind
โThis is really niceโ I say with a soft smile slowly appearing on my face, this smile quickly fades as I hear my phone ringing from across the room, I curse under my breath and get up making my way to the counter where I left my phone.
I reach for my phone and check the caller ID, itโs a name that I grew to hate.
Mr. Visconti
Of course itโs my boss, he only calls when he needs something, which is always the same damn thing.
I hesitantly stare at the screen thinking if I should ignore or answer the call, should I answer and get drowned in an ocean of work again, or should I pretend like I never saw the call and let it go to voicemail, it could work but I will suffer the consequences of my actions the moment he finds out that I ignored him.
I swiped right.
I pick up my phone and put it on speaker
โHello?โ
โI need you to write a reportโ He says without any greetings, just his bossy orders.
I close my eyes, I already feel the headache kicking in, why is it a report out of anything? โBut sir itโs two in the morningโ I say while trying to hold back my frustration, obviously I donโt wanna do extra work that I will not get paid for.
โDo it or youโre off the teamโ He says in a cold demanding tone
These words hit hard especially that I have no way out, I canโt say โNo thanksโ or โI donโt wanna do itโ, my only way of getting money is this crappy work, my jaw tightens as I stare at the screen while he waits for my response.
I take a deep breath. โI will get right to itโ
โGood I want it done by 6amโ He barks the order like the animal he is
I hang up as I question my life choices.
Dozens of thoughts swim in my mindโฆI feel like quitting, I want to tell him to go straight to hell and find someone else to boss them around.
But reality hits harder. I canโt just quit, Iโm not in a financial situation where I can just quit, and the job market is tight. I canโt find any job even if I tryโฆ I donโt have a way out.
I grab my laptop and I settle down on my desk and get back to the work that has been draining my life ever since I signed that cursed contract.
โGreatโฆ JUST GREATโ I said to myself sarcastically, I sigh and stare at the ceiling โโฆanother sleepless nightโ
The dim light from the moon lights up my office, the glow of the screen exhausts my eyes, something feels different, the whole apartment just feelsโฆweirdโฆmaybe itโs just my exhaustion playing games in my mind.
I swear sometimes I just want to quit my job and disappear somewhere farโฆ far away
The clock hit 2am and Iโm still on my deskโฆmy fingers sore from typingโฆmy eyes get redder the longer I keep staring at the screen.
I take a deep breath and get up from my desk, I stumble into the kitchen, my movements slow almost robotic, the kitchen is silent except for the kittleโs hisses killing the silence, I pour two spoonfuls of coffee grounds in my mug and stir the spoon.
I close my eyes as I feel the weirdness slowly consume me, I feel like Iโm not alone here, I tilt my head and look around searching for that thing that is making me feel like thisโฆthen I spot it.
My eyes get stuck on the uncanny figure by the door hidden in the dark
Itโs too tall to be my roommate
Too still to be human
I squint my eyes trying to figure out what I am staring at, then I see it.
Those rotten teethโฆ
That cursed smile that is stretching so far that it looks painfulโฆI know that face itโs my father, but it canโt beโฆ
he shouldnโt be here...
Itโsโฆstanding by the door slowly creeping out of the darkness, its big yellow eyes are eyeing me up and down like a prey.
I take a deep breath and try to convince myself that itโs just my hallucinations again, and that he isnโt really here, noโฆhe canโt be here, why would he be here? heโs rotting in jail.
My shaky hands start tugging the drawer trying to force it open.
I locked my antipsychotics away a few days ago.
Trying to convince myself that I donโt need pills to stay sane.
Trying to abandon the feeling that I need pills to survive this harsh world.
But itโs impossible with these things taunting me everyday, I break open the drawer, sharps of wood stab the flesh of my hands, blood is spreading everywhere.
I quickly grab a fistful of my pills, my fingers tremble against the cold plastic lid, I donโt even count the pills, I just shove them down my throat and chug it down with water.
I pant as I stare at the figure slowly fades away, my knees give out as I fall on the ground, I feel my body sink into the wooden floor, my head feels heavy as the pills take over my mind.
Soft gasps come out of my mouth as the dizziness takes over me, my body runs cold, it seemed the walls are pressing inwards like the room was slowly yet strongly shrinking more and more by the minute.
Everything suddenly got louder, the clock ticking, the hums of the AC, my own ragged breathing, I clutch my head tightly, It felt like the world was spinning over and over and over.
Everything was too loud, my gasps grew harder, tears started racing down my cheeks.
I cover my eyes with my hands trying to block any light from reaching my eyes, the blood in my hands stains my face. I feel like my head is gonna explode.
The tears were uninvited and unstoppable, I donโt even know why Iโm crying anymore. Is it sadness? Is it fear? Is it exhaustion? Maybe all of it?
Time has blurred, I canโt tell how many minutes and hours flew by while Iโm on the floor sobbing, the only thing I was sure of is that something inside of me broke.
And I donโt know how to put the pieces back together.
My hand trembles as it reaches for the cracked photo frame.
My motherโs eyes smile at me, I sit up and look around, I wipe my tears off then get up to start cleaning the mess, the shattered glass, the spilled coffee on the floor, my blood staining the counter.
Knock Knock Knock
My blood runs cold. He found me.
My hand holds onto the table as I lift myself off of the ground, my legs tremble in each step as I reach for the door handle.
I can feel how sweaty my palm isโฆGod I canโt even grip the handle correctly without my hand going slippery, The knocks grow louder and louder, it felt like my head was pounding.
I take a deep breath and open the door.
I thought I was about to face my father, but instead Iโm greeted by my clown of a roommate dressed in a spongebob suitโfor whatever reason
I blink at her twice. โWhyโ I ask, dumbfounded by the view Iโm seeing at 3am. โAm I high?โ I say while rubbing my eyes
Expecting the yellow sponge to disappear like some kind of a weird dream, but noโsheโs still there grinning like crazy as if she just solved climate change, holding a KFC bucket in her hand andโฆ wait, is that a fish bowl?
I blink slower this time, trying to collect my brain cells and process what Iโm seeing right now
โIs thatโฆwater in there?โ I manage to mutter
She nods with enthusiasm โItโs Geraldโ
โGeraldโฆ?โ I swear sometimes she seems crazier than me, I stare at the fish whoโs staring back at me as if heโs saying โHow did I get hereโฆโ
โAnd noโ She says then shakes the KFC bucket โYou canโt pick firstโฆGerald chooses what he is craving firstโฆbreasts or thighsโ
โFIRST PICKS?! HEโS A FISH!!โ I yell out in confusion, in what world do fish eat CHICKEN.
โGerald is a kingโฆALL HAIL THE KINGโ She declares then stools into her room, leaving the fish bowl on the table, Gerald looks like he has seen crazy things.
โI was expecting some dangerous threat and action but I ended up with a spongebob holding a freaking KFC bucket at 4AMโ I say while closing the door making sure itโs locked.
I walk past her room heading to the comfort of the couch before hearingโฆ
โALL HAIL KING GERALD!!โ
Thatโs it, Iโm calling the psych ward.
I throw myself at the couch and stare at Gerald who was carelessly swimming in his bowl. โI had better nightsโฆbut I guess today is not as bad as the previous daysโ
Gerald is staring back at me shaking his fins left and rightโฆmaybe heโs nodding? Or maybe heโs just a fish who has no care in the world? โYeaโฆYou get meโ
I glance around the apartment: The KFC bucket thrown at the floor, Spongebob costume left on the hanger, My blood stained mug that is left on the ground.
โIโm talking to a fishโฆmaybe I do need therapyโ
I lean back, staring at the ceiling while my mind is trying to manage everything that Iโm going through, the endless work, my bossโs endless demands, the memories of my fatherโฆmy dear mother.
I close my eyes trying to sleep but the smell of the fried chicken makes me nauseous.
โIโm gonna kill youโ I say while shooting a glare at my roommateโs bedroom.
