Arielle

"You posted your story on Review Me, and to be honest, it was the book cover that pulled me in rather than the title. Your first sentence hooked me: “They came for her memories.” I only read the prologue, but your writing is compelling and cinematic. Writing goes hand in hand with portraying feeling, and yours comes through beautifully. Although the concept isn’t new, the mystery drew me in. No issues with grammar and punctuation. Your prologue is quite long, and I’d hesitate to give the reader that much information upfront. I would consider leaving out Carla and Carlos’s roles to build more tension. Keeping Carlos as a bystander—simply observing—could make the moment more impactful and preserve the mystery. For ease of reading, I would shorten some of the paragraphs (many followers read on phones). This is just my opinion. Other than that, I highly recommend it—well done!"