Week One
“Can you tell me what your name is?” The nurse asked.
Mia had been on lorazepam for a while. It was known to possibly cause amnesia.
“Emilia Maria Gallo,” Mia said.
“When were you born, Emilia?”
“February 3, 2003,” Mia said.
Mia was aggravated and these questions were stupid in her mind. They asked them every other day it felt like.
“Where are you currently Emilia?” The nurse asked.
“I’m at Emerge Healing Center on McFarland Station Drive,” Mia said. “Can I go eat now? Y’all ask me these same questions every two days, and I smell that chicken from here.”
“Of course,” The nurse said. “We just want to make sure the medicine isn’t—”
“Yeah, Memory, blah blah, something or another, I forget, yep.” Mia said. “I just want to go eat.”
“Of course,” the nurse said. “Go ahead.”
After lunch, Mia had a scheduled session with her therapist, Taina Morgan.
“How are you feeling today, Mia?” Taina asked.
“Better than yesterday.” Mia answered. “I have a new problem though.”
“I feel nothing,” Mia said. “Down there.”
“It could be the lorazepam,” Taina said. “We can adjust it if you’d like.”
“We can, but I don’t know if that’s it,” Mia said. “I’ve been feeling like this before the lorazepam. Before the hospital. I just couldn’t put my finger on why. I can’t even masturbate right anymore, Taina. No finger finger bang bang, no flicking the bean, NOTHING. And I don’t like the way that makes me feel. I feel….incomplete.”
“Well,” Taina said, “it definitely sounds as if it may be related to what you went through. You went untreated for so long that—”
Mia cut Taina off.
“Yeah we’ve talked about this more times than I care to remember,” Mia said. “The pain reminds me nearly every day, so respectfully Taina, could you not too?”
“My apologies, Mia,” Taina said. “It isn’t my intention to make you feel like you’re reliving trauma. But, we also need to recognize the seriousness of what happened so the correct steps toward healing from it can be taken.”
“How do I do that when I didn’t even know it was happening?” Mia said. “How am I supposed to deal with the fact that I was DRUGGED, taken advantage of, and VIOLATED and MUTILATED, possibly beyond repair? How—”
Mia stopped.
“You just did, Mia,” Taina said. “And that, as uncomfortable as it may be, is exactly where we need to be right now. We need to confront the reality of what happened to you before we take any further steps. Now, I am going to refer you to a sex therapist, and she is most likely going to recommend surrogate partner therapy.”
“Surrogate partner therapy?” Mia said. “What’s that?”
Taina explained surrogate partner therapy to Mia in detail.
“Oh, so y’all just out here prescribing fuck buddies now?” Mia said. “I’ll take two please. And can I get one that looks like our bodyguard Corey? Because let me tell you, that man looks like he was forged in the fires of Mt. Olympus.”
Mia then thought to herself. “It’s THIS bad, isn’t it?”
She put her hands over her face and began sobbing.
Taina walked over and put her hand on Mia’s shoulder.
“It’s going to be okay Mia,” Taina said. “I’m going to do everything I can to help you get through this.”
* * *
“Can you tell me what your name is?” The nurse asked.
Mia was not in the mood today.
“Sequester Grundleplith, M.D.” Mia answered.
“Emilia,” The nurse said. “I know these questions are redundant, but it’s necessary that—”
“UGH,” Mia groaned. “I know, I know. Emilia Maria Gallo. Born February 3, 2003. I’m currently at Emerge Healing Center on McFarland Station Drive. What’s for lunch today?”
“Fettuccine Alfredo,” The nurse said.
“Ecco, è proprio di questo che parlo! Mi riporta indietro... indietro alla vecchia patria.” Mia said.
The nurse chuckled softly. And apparently also understood Italian.
“Emilia, your ‘homeland’ is Marietta.” The nurse said.
“Yeah, just let me have this one,” Mia said.
“It’s yours. It’s definitely yours.” The nurse said. “You’re free to go to the cafeteria.”
* * *
After lunch, Mia sat in the day room, looking out the window and scribbling in an adult coloring book.
Mia sporadically ran into Jasmine and Bree in the hallways of Emerge Healing Center, as they were still in intensive outpatient therapy, but she had not gotten to see Chelsea, Bethany, or even Harmony, who she was starting to like, begrudgingly, since she had been there, and the visiting hours for her were currently quite restrictive. She missed her friends and already wanted to go home. But she understood this was something that she needed to do.
She had a session with Taina later that day.
“How are we feeling today Mia?” Taina asked.
“Fine.” Mia answered. “But the pain was worse this morning.”
Mia had developed fibromyalgia as a result of what happened to her. Some days were better than others.
“Do you need to see your doctor in integrative care?” Taina asked. “They may need to possibly increase the dosage of the pregabalin—”
“Oh god, please no, Taina,” Mia said. “Am I not on enough? I swear, I’m not gonna be any good to nobody by the time I get out of here if y’all put me on more pills. My friends are gonna be rolling me out in a wheelbarrow when I’m done here. Probably drooling out the mouth. Four plus four is going to equal Oklahoma by the time y’all are done with me.”
“I understand completely, Mia,” Taina said. “But I’ll be making the appointment anyway, because if it has gotten worse, then that means there’s something there that may be an issue.”
“UGH, Fine.” Mia said.
“So is there anything YOU’D like to talk about today?” Taina asked. “Specifically, what are some of your personal goals you’d like to accomplish while you’re here?”
“Nope,” Mia said.
“So nothing,” Taina said.
“Nah. I kinda just want to go back to my room and go to sleep, really.” Mia said.
“Alright,” Taina said. “Would you like to talk about something that DOESN’T involve your personal goals while you’re here?”
“The lunch was good.” Mia said. “Tasted just like my Nonna Giulia’s. And I got to sit with Jasmine and Bree today.”
“Well that’s good to hear,” Taina said. “It must have felt good to see your friends.”
“It did.” Mia said.
“So tell me something Mia,” Taina said. “I am going to assume your friends miss you just as much as you miss them. Don’t you think they would love to see you bounce back from this?”
Mia sat with that for a second. She had no answer, but she knew Taina was right. She worried a lot about Bree especially, who was the one who found her on the bathroom floor that night, and carried her to the car.
“Again, Mia, it is not my intention, or job to make you relive trauma,” Taina said. “But you have to understand. What happened to you was serious. And your friends care. And I care. And we all want what’s best for you. But you have to be willing to do the work.”
Mia sighed. “I feel like this is what’s going to define me from now on, Taina. I feel like as long as I’m taking eight pills a day, and have the UNBEARABLE stabbing pains in my abdomen and feel NO AROUSAL FOR ANYTHING…This is who I am. This is my life. This is what I have become. And I don’t want to feel like I am defined by this. So yeah, if I have a goal? It is to not let this define me.”
“Okay, Mia,” Taina said.
“Now we are getting somewhere.”
