THE DEVIL
She has always thought that she will soon find someone. Here we are, still dreaming of a knight at 21 years old. She loved to watch or read anything about romance. She is introverted and so shy that she can’t even say hi to someone. But who is she ? She is Sanji and she is not living in a college dorm. She lives with her parents and her brother. She is going to college but she doesn’t know what to do with her life. Everyday the same routine: home, uni, tutoring, home. Everyday the same things. Does she hate it? No, she doesn’t.
I am so creepy I know. I am talking to myself when I am showering.
I have never thought that we would start to attend classes in person.
I started this lockdown caused by a virus that quarantined the entire human population.
I have always been an introvert so it was much more difficult to return to normality.
I thought that I would start university like what you see in the movies, but nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Me, myself, in front of a computer. My school friends followed other Paths so I was completely alone.
So what happened you are asking me?
For the first time in my life I failed a test and out of 6 exams I only did 2.
I lost myself. I am studying economics and management and don’t ask me why I didn’t choose medicine like other aunties.
My parents are from Sri Lanka, but I was born here in Italy… Am I sinhala? Am I Italian? I don’t know. Maybe I am an alien. I DON’T KNOW.
The only thing I know is that I got my Italian citizenship at the age of 18 years old and lost the sinhala one because I am not rich enough to keep it… . I am not joking.
My parents work as cleaners and they are sacrificing a lot for a better future. But still… their kindness brought only problems.
Debts that they had to pay even though the money weren’t for them, spending money on my parents in Sri Lanka… . I don’t want to keep going, but others keep getting rich while we can’t even afford to book a flight to visit Sri Lanka.
We sometimes argue about these things but we love each other so much. That’s why I don’t hate to share the room with them or go out with them.
Are you sharing the room with your parents? Yep, any problem? Renting is almost impossible in this city so anything is good for us and it’s not awkward.
I can still have my personal space.
Anyway it’s Monday and today’s lessons are starting.
I have different courses to follow because I didn’t fully attend all the courses of the first year.
Online is not available because the lockdown officially ended. Am I happy? No, I couldn’t choose anymore. Due to my anxiety and my lack of social skills, staying at home was the best choice.
Before that I had to go to one of my side jobs. In the morning I always go to help an old lady and keep her company. I am not a caregiver, but it doesn’t matter if I look like this.
I help her with the grocery and take walks with her. It’s really fun because we have a lot in common. As I said, it’s not an actual job, but I can still save some money.
As usual I took her to swimming lessons and then we stopped for a coffee. I should stay only an hour but while talking time goes fast.
" Today I am starting lessons and I am keeping the promise to not give up and to think about myself. "
She tells me everytime because she thinks I have too many responsibilities for my age and I should live more freely.
"That’s what I want from you. You know what happens if you give up, right? Which class are you talking about this semester?"
"I am talking about macroeconomics, accounting, management and I want to restart private law. I had too much in my mind and I wanted to restart from zero."
One of my seniors that I met during exams told me that there will be the same professor from last year. I am so scared of him. He should retire.
I am like… they were also students, why do they have to be so mean. What should they prove?
" Don’t worry. Go to class and don’t get scared. I am sure that you can do it! "
That is what Mary said to me, but I was still scared.
I am sure that I will be scared. He scolds everyone without motivation and doesn’t explain at all.
While we were talking, next to us was sitting a young man dressed very nicely. He was working at the computer. Very charismatic and handsome. Did I talk to him? No, I didn’t. Am I making mental movies? Yes, I am.
I am late… .. Class starts in 1 hour and it takes half an hour to go.
I always arrive half an hour or an hour before so I can take a seat without asking if the seat is available and because the class gets too crowded and my social anxiety doesn’t like it.
As usual I am sitting on the 4th line and I am waiting for my friend that I met during the public law exam. We cliqued so quickly even because we are both late with the exams.
“ It’s the second time I am following this course and I am not sure if I will drop and study by myself. It depends on the professor.”
Ana has actually tried the oral exam but she said that it was difficult. Everything depended on which professor….
“ I attended one time to listen and among the professors there were also some assistants. One of them was handsome and young, but a devil. I have never seen him, but a friend told me that he is famous for his academic success at only 25 years old.”
Here we go. I know that it’s important to get to know the nation’s important achievement, but why don’t they also talk about the reality..
Everyone is different. Everyone is clever. There are a lot of ignorants. But everyone has different speeds, different problems and I think that it is important to talk about mental sanity.
It is still surprising how he was able to achieve an important career at 25 Years old. He must be a prodigy.
The room was full of people and it was really loud… . until two figures entered in the room. One of them was the evil professor that made me quit lessons and the other one was the handsome guy at the table this morning!!
"Sanji, he is the devil that I talked about!! "
"Silence please, you are all so worthless. I am professor Smith and this year I won’t be teaching this class full of ignorants. Lessons will be led by the future professor of this course, dr. Avanzini. I will wait for you on the exam days and don’t worry I remember the faces of the ones who failed last year. Today I will be the one talking and introduce the aim of this course. "
Why do professors like him exist? He makes fun of students during the exam and doesn’t know how to teach. If you have the Best knowledge, it doesn’t mean that you know how to teach. And he is an example.
"You, on the fourth line. Do You understand what I am saying? "
Me? What did I do?
" Me professor ? "
" Then who am I talking to? You are the only one who has exotics features in that line . If you don’t understand Italian. Don’t even come for the exam, if you don’t speak it! So about the history of private law…"
Everyone is looking at me and some are even laughing to have the professor by their side. I couldn’t answer. I am angry and sad and I am trying not to cry.
That’s why I didn’t want to follow his lessons last year.
I am not strong and I am introverted.
I can’t do it. I still don’t want to go. I don’t want to make him jokes about me after.
I will follow the lesson as nothing happened.
" That is it for today. Dr. Avanzini will continue the lessons and next time bring the Civil Code. "
Class finally finished and I can go home.
I left Ana at her bus station and I went back to the tram station.
It’s always full at this hour so I wait for the next one. Without headphones I cannot stay calm and I always need to listen to some music so that I can give a Vibe to my Life.
Even this tram is full ! But still I have to get in. I cannot stay here forever and I just want to go home and relax.
I managed to find a spot in a corner but no seat TT.
We are all squeezed and usually I don’t look up or in front of me to see who is going to squash me. But this time is different because the person in front of me is not just a person, but professor Avanzini. He also was with his headphones and actually…. I hate him.
If he became his assistant, he is like him.
I don’t want to even look at him and I will do that.
His perfume was so nice, but still… . He is the friend of the enemy.
