I'm Coming Back to You

God I know that I have been distanced from you lately. Honestly I have no excuse to justify my actions.

For once I almost forgot that you have feelings. All you want is the best for me.

I have been far away lately. Yes I admit it to you and to myself, I have been going towards the same directions that I have been running from. I fear that my desires have been taking me from the actual goal.

That goal is having a personal relationship with you.

I might die today or tomorrow no one knows when. But one thing I don't want to happen is missing a chance to be in heaven.

To be honest, I don't know what is going on in my brain. I need to fix my directions.

Can you please forgive me. I have been acting like a spoiled brat lately, I am still learning what being a Christian means. Especially in this generation where people think that Christianity is just a trend. And I feel like I have been failing all along, I haven't been trying my best to understand what Christianity really means.

I'm scared to come back to you, my mind and my heart have both collided. But they have different feelings and they both desire different things.

I am scared of the future. The same future that I can't see. I cannot even pick up my Bible without the feeling of guilt in me.

I feel like I have wronged you so much, I don't even know how to approach you.

Lord all I want is to know you.

I need you, I crave you.

I want to hold you.

In a world full of fake people.

A world where family betray each other. The ones you consider friends are the same ones backstabbing you.

In such a world, I'm running back to you, I refuse to lose myself to this world. I refuse to starve my soul from your words.

I'm coming back to you.

I'm so sorry if I have offended you in any ways.

Whatever I did to hurt you and your feelings, I have finally realized it, and I am not fooling you now. With a pure heart, I'm not perfect. I may not be your best, but I want to come to you the way I am.

Dirty, stained, and all these scars.

I need you to heal, and make me brand new, in a way that will glorify you.

Yes I am a sinner, but I need you to direct me. Please clean my heart.

I don't want the fame. I don't need the praises or the love of this world. All I want is to have a peaceful and personal relationship with you, outside of the church.

I don't want to be Christian by title. But I want to be a Christian by my actions, and my deeds. I want to love you, in a real way.

I just want to know you.

I fear that I am falling back to my sins.

I can feel the dark road calling me again.

But this time I have decided not to listen. Because I know that there is nothing better than having a relationship with you.

You took my sins, and you nailed it on the cross. You got me running back to you, hallelujah here I come.

I am happy that I am coming back to you, while I still got the time.

I finally let go of everything that was distracting me away from you and your presence. I deleted TikTok, Instagram.

Because this time, I am being intentional. And I know that temptation will come, to try my faith.

But I know, and I have learned that you are a kind, and forgiving God, with a big heart for all.

I owe you one.

I am sorry.