Act I
I always used to sit at the back in the classroom so no one would pay attention to me. People annoyed me, I always knew I was above them all… Or maybe it was all just a lie to make me feel better about myself. In elementary school kids would always make fun of me because I didn't want to get into any trouble. Because of it they would find me boring and I was the perfect victim. I would always blame my parents for this because they would scold me and punish me for bad behavior, and I was right. Parents should be there to provide you with everything you need and give you advice whenever you need it. It's only natural for mean people to be more liked because they have authority and anyone holding their side has immunity from being targeted. The cruel truth is people will always act nice only when they want something or see something valuable in you. It's always good genetics, stacked wallet or popularity, or when they just want to use you. You'll always be forgotten once you have nothing to offer or need help, because that's how community works and it's so fucked up. This is why I chose to avoid people, this is why I feel disgusted whenever I see people. Someone will always say that there are good people, but really they are just either a bunch of losers trying to act nice a to fit in or just people who try to maintain credibility and a good image. Everyone is just trying to adapt to the environment in their own way.
There are believers too, right? Well flash news they might be good but their only intention is to enter into God's grace. They do it just so they go to heaven and not to hell even though it sounds absurd, because the chances of God's existence is so impossibly low you might as well forget about it, but they still choose to believe it. This just shows how stupid and naive we are. I remember when I was a kid I was scared about going to hell, I was scared of eternal suffering in flames. That's exactly what the church wants. They want you to fear so you keep coming back like an obedient dog and donate to their charity. Religion was always an excuse to start a conflict or even a war. Like they say “God, honour and Homeland”, but isn't religion supposed to bring people together? To give people faith and not give them the sense of need to be obedient just so they don't end up in hell? This is why I choose to be an atheist, because anyone normal would see the obvious manipulation, and yet people are so naive it's almost sad. On top of this they all still sin, but it's okay since all you've gotta do is go to a church and tell your trusted priest that you sinned, isn't it wonderful? So no, no one is kind out of a good will. You might as well give up on humanity, give up on anything that makes you “human” because it's a lie, a lie that keeps the community in order.
When I graduated from primary school and moved to high school my appearance slightly changed. I actually was getting along quite well, but the longer I was around them the more I started to realize how much of a pathology this class really is. I couldn't ask for notes or anything like that because they simply didn't care and power engineering was beyond difficult. I was barely passing, but compared to others I was in a pretty good situation. Eventually conflicts started in class. I didn't really side with anyone and it was the biggest mistake. They formed their own groups while I was out again. In the end I manged to pass while most of the class failed. I still planned to change schools though.
When I've already made up my mind the teacher I really liked wanted me to move into his class instead. He said that I would fit in perfectly and so I agreed. After the summer I was back to this shit hole. Quickly I realized it was not for me. I was completely outplayed. Now I hate the teacher I once trusted. I didn't bother interacting with the class because just looking at them made me feel disgusted. I completely gave up on studying because I knew either way I was never going to feel well with this career. Honestly I even preferred my old class but now there's no going back. They promised a very high paid job. They promised I'll do just well.This just proves how naive I was. Deep down I knew it but they blinded me with empty promises. Because of the grades my parents were furious until eventually they gave up on me. I didn't really care though because I hated them anyway. I wanted to study to become an IT technician but they decided for me. At some point I've become numb to everything. I didn't care anymore. I became completely empty. Still, I don't regret hating people because I was right. People are selfish no matter how you try to defend it. You should not feel pity over anyone, because they don't deserve it. Why everyone is so fucked up…
Well, it is what it is after.
—Akurushi sits up and grabs his phone. He lies back down on his bed and searches for something he could jerk off to. After he's done he gets off his bed and walks towards the bathroom but he meets his mother.—
Mother: “What are you doing at this hour? It's late night.”
She says sternly.
Akurushi: “Just needed to use the bathroom.”
—he shrugs—
Mother: “No you don't. I know what you're doing. I can feel this filthy smell from here. All you do is rot in your bed all day and jerk off! When will you do something with your life and find a job?! You're 20 for God's sake! I won't allow it any longer… you have one week. Find a job or move out.”
—After saying this his mother retreated to her bedroom while Akurushi could feel his heart pounding. He made his way towards the bathroom and washed his hands. He looked into the mirror and couldn't help but feel disgusted by himself. He was indeed unwashed and filthy. He hasn't washed for days or left his room because he didn't have what for. It made him realize just how much he really fucked up his life. He's already 20 yet he's still wasting his life because of the regard for other people. He probably wouldn't change anything though.—
Why do I have to be so disgusting…
—he finally left the bathroom and made his way back to his room. He lied down on his bed and. Just stared at the ceiling feeling like a failure. He couldn't think of anything but the previous encounter with his mother. He eventually grabbed his phone and started looking up for a job that would suit him.—
There's nothing I could really do. I can't be a cashier because I don't like people. I can't do anything technical because I suck at this. Really I'm just bad at anything at this point. It's not like anyone would hire me with a degree or social skills, unless in some kind of a factory, but even then I'm not the kind to work fast.
—He decided to put aside the thought of finding a job and just scrolled through his phone. Eventually Akurushi got tired and put his phone down. He tried to fall asleep but it was useless because his consciousness wouldn't let him. Before he knew it the sun had arisen.—
It's morning already? It felt like forever… I guess I need to find a job. I'm not really that surprised my parents are turning me down. When I needed help they would always just blame me for my mistakes. I don't really care if they kick me out. After all it doesn't matter what happens because it won't even have any impact. We will all be forgotten so might as well just accept that nothing matters.
—Akurushi continued just scrolling through his phone and rotting in his bed until eventually the week had passed. When he was scrolling through his phone his mother came into his room and I could tell she was disappointed… like always anyway.—
Mother: “Tomorrow in the morning you're moving out. I tried everything but you're just beyond saving.”
—Akurushi just nodded, accepting the fact. He was a little surprised that she didn't make a scene. Though it's not like it matters anyway. She left the room.—
It's not like she even tried helping me in the first place. She really thinks I should be grateful for all the years of blaming, good riddance.
—The next day Akurushi didn't even bother to pack himself, after all he had no reason to. He left his room and just walked past his parents. He didn't even glance at them once before leaving the house. He had nowhere to go, no one who needed him so there was only one thing left to do. He went to the abandoned factory and climbed up the roof. It was really high. He took his time appreciating the view.—
It's for the better. That's what I've been wanting for a long time after all. I believe I will meet the love I've been dreaming about in my next life… Hopefully you will be there… Chloe.
—Akurushi made his way towards the edge of the roof.—
