Hopelessly Devoted to Two

"I love my husband, I really do. It's just that... " I leave my sentence hanging as my mind starts wandering to those little moments with him. I find myself constantly daydreaming and overanalyzing every word he says, every little thing he does. It all feels so intentional, but... it must be all in my head. He would never do that to my husband, to his own brother. Or would he?

"It's just what?" A concerned voice interrupts my thoughts. The voice belongs to my older sister, Layla, my best friend. I am the youngest of four. My sisters, Olivia, Kirsten and Layla mean the world to me, but even they would never understand. They would never accept my feelings for him. Hell, I can't accept my feelings for him.

"I'm sorry, it's nothing really. I guess I just felt like ranting again." I try to sound as cheerful as possible but in all honesty I'm exhausted. Exhausted from hiding my true feelings from everyone. From my husband, from my sisters and from the man I... dare I say it? The man I'm deeply in love with, my husband's older brother, Corey.

It's been going on for years now and it comes in waves. Sometimes I try to avoid him as best I can, but he keeps drawing me in. And it doesn't help that a few years ago he moved back to town and now he lives only a few blocks away from me and my husband.

Lately my feelings for him have grown and I don't know what to do. I have never made a move on him, and I never would, but every now and then I let myself fantasize what it would be like to be his. And dreaming about him like that is dangerous. Some might say only actions count, but I feel guilty for even feeling that way about him.

After a thousand I love yous and call me laters I hang up the phone. Good job Diana, I think to myself as I fall onto the bed rubbing my temples. Another day passed by without me spilling the tea– as Layla would say.

I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this. I lay on the bed scrolling my phone as my husband enters the room. "Oh, hey babe! You got off early." I greet him but he barely pays me any attention at first. "Sorry I gotta go, the boys are waiting." he then says and gives me a quick kiss on the forehead before rushing out of the room.

I let out a sigh. It seems like this day is no different from the rest. For the past three months, my husband, Jackson, has come home from work and then either headed straight back out again or locked himself away at his computer until the early hours of the morning.

Sometimes it’s fishing, sometimes padel, biking, beach volleyball—you name it. But it’s always with the boys, and never with me. He never really talks about where they go or what they do, and I’ve stopped asking. I used to think he’d grow out of it eventually, but I guess I was wrong.

Eventually I get up from the bed and change my clothes to the cute light blue set of activewear I bought a few days back. "I think I'm gonna go out for a walk!" I shout to my husband, who's in his office. I take a final glance at myself in the mirror before I head out. The color really makes my icy blonde hair stand out.

The leggings hug my curves and cinch in my waist. Not bad, I think to myself. I wouldn't say my body type is naturally curvy but since I started going to the gym a few years ago I've started noticing some fortunate changes. I have always been quite thin but with soft, romantic features. Gaining a little definition has made me feel more confident than ever.

I turn on my headphones and let myself drift away with the music. I start walking a familiar route that winds by the nearby forest back to my house. The sun is shining through the old pine trees and the scent of late summer fills the air. Twenty minutes or so pass by. Walking in nature always helps me clear my head.

I skip through the upbeat songs in my playlist. I'm a sucker for melancholic music. As a teen I loved to put my playlist on and pretend that I was in a music video, being all moody, mysterious and whatnot. The thought of my teenage self makes me burst into a tiny giggle out loud.

"Well someone's having a good day." I flinch as I hear through my headphones a familiar, amused voice holler at me. Oh God, not now is all I can think before he's already reached me.

I start fidgeting and I hope he doesn’t notice my nervousness. His bright green eyes are piercing through me, studying me. I cannot look into those eyes for too long. I fear I might start blushing and I’m already a bit embarrassed for being caught laughing out loud alone in the woods.

He has the most intense eye contact I’ve ever seen a person have. Even after all these years that intense, mysterious look in his eyes gives me butterflies.

I take off my headphones. “I thought I had a nice run but now I want whatever you’re having.” His voice is playful but deep. He is slightly sweaty from jogging and with a smooth motion he brushes his long hair back and smiles at me. He is so effortlessly sexy.

“Hi, Corey.” I say and can’t help but smile back, recovering from my embarrassment. His smile truly is contagious, and in all its sexiness also very comforting. “Can I join you?” He says and takes a slow step closer to me. “I haven’t seen you around much lately. I miss talking to you, Didi.” I blush instantly when he calls me that.

Corey has a habit of giving me all kinds of silly nicknames. “Didi. Seriously?” I say and roll my eyes playfully. “Should I call you princess then?” Corey says and laughs. “That would suit you”. He continues while he places a hand on my shoulder and nudges me ever so slightly. “You like that? Princess Diana.”

“How original.” I chuckle nervously. His touch makes my body feel electrified. Am I really that easy? “Okay old man, let’s go!” I say as I start walking. He catches up to me with a few long strides. “You wanna run?” Corey asks and I answer to him immediately, “Oh, my fatass won’t!“, and he bursts out laughing like a little kid and I find myself mesmerized again.

He gets my chronically online, weird humor and when I’m around him I can let my guard down and be silly. He makes me feel special. Like every little thing I say is interesting to him and he’s eager to hear my opinions, dislikes and likes. And he remembers.

The conversation flows effortlessly as always and I lose track of time. Suddenly my phone rings and I realize the sun is already setting. “It’s Jackson. He must be wondering where I am.” I’m about to answer when Corey suddenly snatches the phone from my hand and answers for me.

“Hello, little brother”. His voice sounding slightly annoyed. “Oh, she's here alright, but don’t worry, I’ll take good care of her.” He hangs up and gives me the phone back. “Sorry for taking your phone like that, I just..” His voice drifts away and suddenly his expression turns somewhat more serious than before.

I’m trying to process what just happened but before I can say anything he starts faintly smiling again. “Would you like to come over tomorrow?” He asks me quietly, his voice gentle, almost pleading. “I want you all to myself, Diana, without interruptions”. His smile is now looking almost mischievous.

"If you make me coffee, I'm in." I reply to him and try my best to look like I haven’t read anything more into his words. He is just being nice, right? The thing about Corey is that he is a man of honor to the point it's almost infuriating. He would never...

Corey is now facing me, his tall frame towering over me. Gently he reaches his hand toward my cheek and my heart skips a beat. Carefully tucking a strand of loose hair behind my ear, he says, "I'll walk you home, little sister."

And just like that, I feel my heart sink as I'm reminded of the reality of things. He is my brother-in-law, nothing else, and he only thinks of me as his little sister.

I feel like I'm losing my mind. Why do I keep misinterpreting him. One moment he's hot and the next he's cold. Oh Lord, what if he sees right through me. I feel so stupid right now.

We part ways and a sudden wave of shame washes over me. Why, just why am I so desperate for his approval, for his reciprocation–Something I will never have. I keep getting hurt because of my tendency to overanalyze. If I could just be content, be happy with what I have instead of pining over a man I can never have.

Jackson and I weren’t always like this. I met him when I was only seventeen and he was nineteen. He was a typical bad boy, handsome and sexy, always the center of attention, and I was the young and naive type to fall for that.

We were basically just kids, but we were so in love. We got married as soon as I turned eighteen. It was messy, passionate—everything you’d expect from two teenagers rushing into something as serious as marriage. It was… rough at times, but we always pulled through just when I was about to give up.

Now that I’m twenty-five, I can only imagine what went through our parents’ heads when we dropped the big news. It was Jackson who insisted on getting married as soon as possible, and I obliged. He was everything to me, and I was willing to do anything to make him happy.

At some point during growing up together, we started growing apart. Roughly two years after we got married, he stopped putting in any effort, and my efforts alone weren’t enough to maintain a relationship. As much as it hurts to think about it, I've always felt like he just got bored with me once the chase was over.

I enter the house, deep in thought. I’m about to sink into self-pity again when I notice Jackson waiting for me in the doorway. “Did I startle you, D?” he asks, his face unreadable. I take my shoes off. “I’m sorry, I lost track of time when I ran into Corey. Were you waiting for me?” is all I can get out before Jackson is already standing only inches away from me.

I forgot how tall he was when he wasn't slouching over his computer. There's a raging fire in his beautiful hazel eyes. It’s a look I’ve never seen before. Could it be... jealously?

Jackson leans down. ”What am I gonna do with you” he whispers in my ear, his voice filled with lust. I get a tingling sensation all over my body. Jackson backs me up against the door that I entered through just now, barely leaving me room to breathe.

His hand reaches for my ponytail and slowly he pulls on my hair tie until my hair falls free, while his other hand locks the door behind me. Jackson grabs my hair and pulls it, making my head fall back. His lips graze my neck, making their way up to my ear again. "You're mine, Diana." he says, his voice now husky and demanding.

Jackson pushes his body against mine. To my surprise, a pleased moan escapes my lips, exciting him even more. I feel him grow against me, and on instinct I move in response to him, pushing myself against his hardened length. I can already feel myself getting soaked, pulsating with pleasure that is yet to come.

I can't remember the last time he approached me like this. I've been so hungry for his touch. My body is reacting to him like it's the first time. So why do I suddenly feel conflicted? I want Jackson. I want my husband. So why does he invade my mind even in moments like this.

Jackson slides his hand down my thigh, slowly opening my legs. Every second the need to feel him inside me grows stronger, until it's almost unbearable. I close my eyes but Jackson grabs my chin, forcing me to face him.

"I want you to look at me. I will devour you tonight, and every moan that escapes those perfect little lips of yours belongs to me, Diana." His voice drops lower when he says my name. I nod and before I know it he lifts me up with ease and carries me down the hallway into our bedroom.

Jackson throws me on the bed with a hungry look in his eyes. "Should I shower first?" I ask him. Jackson looks at me amused and bites his lower lip slightly. He takes off his shirt, revealing his strong, toned body and says. "Oh, baby. I'm gonna make you sweat anyway."