Chapter 1
Running,
We’ve all done it at some point in our lives.
Whether it was for fun, for a sport, punishment, spontaneous, playing tag, or gym class in high school.
You have done it at least once before.
Many people enjoy running.
Others hate it.
Some have a love-hate relationship with running.
I fall into this category.
Even though I am a college cross-country and track athlete.
I have a love-hate relationship with running. Yet it is my sport. What I choose to wake up and do. Everyday. For the rest of my collegiate career and possibly beyond that.
I’m not sure why I feel this way. It could be the pressure from coaches, teammates, and my parents. Or it might be me.
Maybe I’m too hard on myself. Maybe I am too in my head. Maybe, just maybe, I am forcing myself to fit into the standards everyone else sets for me.
Instead of living for myself. I choose to live for those around me. Make sure they are pleased before I am.
This doesn’t apply to just running. This applies to other aspects of my life, too.
I have forced myself to be someone I am not, ultimately because those around me made me feel like I am nothing else.
My first boyfriend.
I dated him only because the people around me thought we would be good together.
Not because I liked him.
Not because I wanted to.
But because I wanted to please those around me. Even if it makes me upset or miserable. As long as my decisions made them happy.
Because my own happiness doesn’t matter.
Not when I need to prove myself to others.
Not when I am alone and want to break.
No matter what, I must make my decisions based on other people’s standards and opinions.
Or else I will be judged and seen differently.
And I can’t have that.
I once heard this woman speak. She said something that resonates with me.
“Be the narrator of your own story.”
Do not let those around you decide your life.
Only you get to do that.
Do not be like me and force yourself to fit others’ standards.
Be yourself. Don’t be afraid to have your own opinions and hobbies. Don’t be afraid to choose your own sport or what you do with your life. It’s yours, after all.
Don’t kill your own happiness in the process of creating happiness for others.
Make yourself happy before worrying what others will say.
Lean on your friends, co-workers, family members, teammates, or anyone in your life.
Talk to someone.
Write.
Journal.
Get help before it’s too late.
Get help before you convince yourself you’re fine on your own.
Don’t wait.
Don’t be like me.
Don’t do things you don’t want to.
Choose your path.
Be the narrator of your own story.
