Chapter 1
After another heated argument with her mother, in fact the fourth one that week, Beth sat on her bed, curled up and locked in her room. The sound of the fan above was deafening, and could only be drawn out when Beth’s thoughts became too loud. The spinning of its blades was therapeutic, or so she thought.
The sky outside wasn’t pouring down or thundering, as if symbolising with her inner sadness, as Beth had hoped, which of course was influenced by her collection of dramatic novels. Instead, it was a quiet night out, probably happy for someone else, and you could hear the crickets, making their little sounds.
Beth pulled herself together, and went to her study table, where she sat down and started to write in her diary. Elizabeth Baker wasn’t the type of girl who’d curl up on the bed and cry her heart out. Goodness no! What would happen if her dear mother were to see the sixteen year old in that state? It would only provide her with a golden opportunity to hurl it back towards Beth, during another one of their little ‘spats’, shall we say?
Beth poured her heart onto the pages of that diary. It seemed to her, that maybe Anne Frank was right - Paper does indeed listen more than people.
She wasn’t your typical over-the-top beautiful teenager.
She was an ordinary looking girl, with a sweet face, nothing special about it, but somehow, made you want to look at it for hours together. Her long dark hair, which she rarely tended to, fell freely on her back, with her split ends catching the moonlight. Her glasses rested on the bridge of her nose, falling a little every time a tear drop streaked down from her eyes, as she wrote on in her book.
Her mother, on the other hand, was openly crying and complaining to her husband, about how much she cared for their ungrateful daughter, who just never seemed to respect her.
Beth’s mother, Margaret, had always been a person of complicated tastes. She had grown up in an abusive home. She did not want to provide that same thing for her daughter. Instead, she became overly-clingy, developed severe mood swings (something Beth seems to have inherited), and craved deeply for only two things - mutual respect and love.
That had always been a point of dispute between Beth and her mother.
Margaret misconstrued loyalty and fear with respect, but Beth could discern between blind slavery and gratitude.
Now, you mustn’t assume either of them to be a ‘bad person’. They did have their own ups and downs like any other relationship, but their downs might be so deep that they can’t pull themselves back up..
Their disagreement earlier was still clear in Elizabeth’s mind.
“You have absolutely lost your mind! HOW DARE YOU TO RAISE YOUR VOICE AT ME YOUNG LADY?” Margaret yelled, eyes blazing with fury.
“But you never listen! and What is my mistake? Huh?” Elizabeth yelled back.
“Beth, I have been extremely lenient with you.” Margaret screamed again. "But that does not mean that you will disrespect me. You are very lucky to be living this life and that is all because of me.”
Beth just stormed off to her room, not willing to take this any longer.
She snapped out of her thoughts and laid down on her bed, trying to sleep.
Just as she felt herself let go of reality and into the dreamland, she felt a slight opening and closing of the door. She hadn’t opened her eyes to see who, but she knew. The aroma of lavender, vanilla and chamomile was only worn by one person in that household.
Her mother. A tall, beautiful woman with a good heart and just as sharp mind, she was everything a woman would aspire to be, but she always had a cold air around her. Her haste to be a perfect mother for Beth pushed her far away from herself, and she eventually lost herself. Her past reflected itself in the slight dark circles showing up on her face, with sleepless nights, thinking about what was, what is and what will be.
Beth could’ve sworn that she heard a deep sigh from the person before the door closed. Perhaps her mother had something to say to her, but she just couldn’t bring herself to it.
Beth had always laughed to herself that the relaxing scent her mother always had around her, was completely unfaithful to her actual personality of a cold, stark and calculating woman, or so she thought.
And so Beth slept, she wondered about what was, what is and what could have been.
