Chapter 1
I walk past my grandma’s old yard,
leaves scattered like forgotten thoughts on the ground.
Birds whisper secrets above me—
soft, distant, unreadable.
There it is…
like a lost puppy in time.
And I ask myself quietly—
why am I here?
What am I doing?
Dear letter closet,
it has been years,
but the feelings never left.
The fear never left.
Not even for a night.
Months pass like a child
growing into something unknown.
I watch my life like a movie
in a dark theater—
sitting still,
watching myself become a stranger.
And afterward…
the tears always come.
Maybe joy.
Maybe not.
Who knows.
I feel like I’ve been left
on a frozen island—
no map,
no door back.
I’m holding onto a past
that already washed me away,
yet it still pulls at my present
like waves that never stop moving.
I stand too close to a burning oven,
and even when I step away,
the heat follows me—
quiet, invisible,
inside my bones.
Inside me are empty boxes
no one understands.
They look fine from the outside,
but no one sees what’s inside the reflection.
Not even me—sometimes.
The wind keeps pulling my thoughts
into directions I cannot name.
A thunderstorm shuts down
every light inside me.
And that spark…
it brings unwanted thoughts
that don’t know where to go.
Some things are better left unsaid,
because words make them heavier
than they were meant to be.
Unseen visions are sketched anyway.
Plans are still drawn in shaky lines.
Future goals play hide and seek with me.
Memories return like flashes
in broken light.
What can one do?
The same question I asked years ago
as a 9-year-old child.
Now she is back—
older in body,
but not in fear.
She tries to move forward,
but it feels like she has stepped
beyond the circle
she once called safe.
What should she do?
The answers feel distant,
like they are hidden beneath river water
I cannot reach.
When will I stop worrying so much?
Maybe…
when I take my final look at everything.
I push away the people
I once called close,
as my mind grows louder than my world.
When will this little mind finally rest?
I try to place faith into my hands,
but fear and doubt return—
they were there from the beginning.
So tell me…
what should this little mind do?
