Chapter 1
Jax
“Holy shit! Congrats, man!”
“Never thought I’d see the day!”
“You’re having a fucking kid and getting married?! Congrats!”
I swear, it seems like all I’ve been hearing about for the last three hours is Blaze and Addy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for them, I am, but it used to be us guys hanging out together, drinking and just doing typical guy shit…but now…Rage has Aspen and they have their kid, little Remi…Blaze has Addy and they have a kid on the way…then there’s me and Wrecker…the last of the original four to not take the plunge.
Okay, so that’s not completely true. Wrecker had an old lady, but Mya was killed when they were both in their early twenties and now, the man is thirty-two and hasn’t attempted anything that could even remotely resemble a relationship since. He’s made it damn clear that it’s something he never wants to go through again.
Hell, I almost wasn’t a single guy either, but my relationship problems, or lack thereof, were a result of my own damn stupidity. I had a chance to have an amazing girl who was loyal and loved me fiercely, but I fucked it all up.
She told me she wanted to be with me and I was convinced I didn’t want to settle down…that I was happy being the idiot bachelor who could be free to flirt with, touch and screw anyone he wanted.
Needless to say, I was a fucking fool and she’s barely said two words to me since I rejected her. While Wrecker has to live with the memories of his poor Mya, I get a physical reminder of how bad I fucked up damn near every day.
The girl that I was stupid enough to let go, Lexi, splits her time between working at Blaze’s shop and bartending at the clubhouse and is the daughter of the former sergeant at arms, Tank. I don’t think Lexi has looked at me with anything short of disgust since the day I fucked it all up and, I confess, it fucking sucks.
“You’re doing that thing again.” I look at Wrecker and nod. The man always calls me out on my shit…even when it’s just me spacing out while I mentally scold myself for being a fucking moron…like right now.
“Yeah…I know.” I used to try to deny it, to play it off like I’m not a pathetic bastard who realizes he turned his back on something that he should’ve fucking held onto, but I gave up on that shit a while ago now.
“When was the last time you tried talking to her?” I almost laugh as I think back to the last time I tried talking to Lexi…something I have a permanent reminder of still.
“About six months ago now. I tried talking to her at the shop and just to get her to not kick my ass out of the shop, I asked her to ink me. That’s how I got that tatt that looks like a dick on my left shoulder blade.” I know he knows which one I’m talking about because he gives me shit about it any time he sees me without a shirt on. I know it sounds crazy and I know Blaze could cover it up easily, but I just can’t bring myself to do it.
“Well, at least that explains why you’re running around with a small cock on your back.” He smirks and shakes his head as he finishes his bottle of beer.
“Well, it looks like it’s just you and me now. The last of the originals…last men standing…the two amigos…” Okay, so I might be a little buzzed and a buzzed Jax might be an annoying Jax…
“For fuck’s sake, Jax. You almost make finding a woman to settle down with seem appealing.” I try my best to look offended, but I’m pretty sure I fail.
“Awe, don’t bail on me too! That would mean I’d have to make friends with the prospects!” I’m pretty sure he rolled his eyes at me, but my attention is now on the other side of the bar…where Lexi is leaning across the bar, talking to Jules, the new bartender. It takes a monumental effort, but I tear my eyes away from her and try to focus on my beer.
It’s almost midnight when Blaze, Addy, Rage and Aspen finally call it a night and that’s when I notice Lexi grabbing her jacket and heading for the door. She still lives in the small house her parents left her that’s about half a mile from the clubhouse and, knowing Lexi, she plans to walk home…and I’ll be damned if I letter her walk alone. I abandon my now warm beer and hurry out after her.
“Lex! You walking?” Her only response is a tense nod as she continues walking toward the gate.
“Then I’m walking with you. You don’t have to talk to me, but I sure the hell won’t be letting you walk alone at ass dark thirty.” This time, she slows down a little…just enough for me to catch up to her. We walk in silence until we’re about halfway there and then, she surprises me by being the one to speak.
“You realize that now you’ll be walking back at ass dark thirty alone…right?” I’m almost too damn shocked to respond…almost.
“Yeah, but at least I’ll know you made it home safe.” Her steps falter and her hazel eyes snap over to me like she’s genuinely shocked I actually said what I did, but I just give her a weak smile. I watch her brow furrow before she shakes her head and continues walking.
We reach her house far too quickly for my liking and I stand at the bottom of the porch steps, watching as she pulls out her keys and unlocks the door, but she doesn’t immediately walk inside…no…she turns and looks at me like I’m some damn puzzle she just can’t figure out.
“You’re on the couch tonight. I’d never hear the end of it if I let your dumb ass walk back in the middle of the night and you did something stupid…like get hit by a damn truck.” It’s not some sweet and loving offer, but I sure the hell don’t hesitate to accept it. If nothing, I learned one thing from the mess I made with Lexi and that’s to shut my damn mouth…so I walk up the stairs and enter her house behind her then close and lock the door.
“I’ll get you a pillow and blanket.” I watch her walk down the hall to her bedroom and make my way to the couch once she slips inside. I remove my cut then pull off my shirt and am just toeing off my boots when I hear a muffled chuckle coming from behind me.
“I can’t believe you haven’t had Blaze cover that up yet.” Shit…I totally forgot about the dick on my shoulder for a minute there!
“Nah, it has sentimental value.” I flash her a playful grin over my shoulder as I finish kicking off my boots.
“Sure, it does. Anyway, I’ve got two pillows and the king sized comforter from my bed, so you should be able to stay warm.” She walks over and sets the stack of bedding on the couch then heads into the kitchen while my brain is trying to decide why she suddenly has decided to not completely hate me for the moment.
“Thanks for letting me crash on your couch, Lex.” She’s looking in the fridge when I thank her and I sure the hell don’t miss how her whole body tenses for a few seconds before she grabs two bottles of water then closes the door.
“You’re welcome. Goodnight, Jax.” I can tell she’s uncomfortable with this situation and I fucking hate that she is. We used to be close…she used to love me, but I went and fucked everything up and now we’re…this…whatever the hell we are.
“Night, Lex.”
The sound of a muffled voice slowly drags me out of a deep, restful sleep and I recognize it instantly…it’s Lexi and she sounds upset. I strain to make sense of what she’s saying, but she’s on the front porch and it’s safe to assume she’s pacing since her voice is fading in and out.
“You’re sure? You’ve thought it was him a few times now and it turns out it wasn’t, so are you actually sure this time? Shit….” I shoot up on the couch when her voice fades out again, trying like hell to see if I can find out who the “he” is that she’s talking about.
“No, it’s okay. I’ll handle it. Yeah, I’m sure. No! Just…lay low for now and I’ll let you know when I’ve figured out how the hell to deal with this. Yeah, I know. Thanks for looking out. Sure, I’ll talk to you soon.” She stops in front of the screen door, but her back is facing me as she stares down the dirt driveway.
I slip my shirt and cut back on then start putting my boots on, knowing that she’s already upset and not wanting to push my luck by sticking around and pissing her off more.
Just as I stand up and start folding the blanket she let me use last night, the screen door swings open and she walks in, but I can’t read her expression.
“You don’t need to worry about folding that.” I shrug, but continue with the task anyway.
“I don’t mind. Thanks again for letting me crash here.” She nods her head, her arms folded over her chest and her shoulder leaning against the wall by the door.
“I have some shit to handle in Trenton, so I can drop you off at the clubhouse on my way.” That’s the second kind offer she’s made, though her tone is anything but kind and caring.
“That’d be great, thanks.” She pushes off the wall and goes to the kitchen counter to grab her wallet and keys then gestures to the door with a tilt of her head.
“Let’s go.” I’d like to think I know Lexi pretty damn well with having grown up around her, which is why I damn well know something’s wrong…but I have no right to ask…right? I lost my chance to care and to be a part of her life…didn’t I? I follow her out to her mustang and climb into the passenger seat just as she starts the engine.
“Look…I know it’s not my place…but…are you okay?” Yeah, so I’m a damn sucker and I can’t fight the need to know she’s okay…sue me.
“I’ll be fine, Jax. Don’t worry about me.” I decide to keep my damn mouth shut for the short drive to the clubhouse and, once I’m out of the car, she doesn’t even hesitate to get the hell away from me.
