The cold touch
There is something people rarely talk about, or at least, rarely from one specific perspective: those nine months spent inside a mother’s womb. For many, this time is associated with happiness, joy, and the positive anticipation of what is to come.
And this is where Fabio’s story begin, a child who, during those months, did not experience those beautiful, positive feelings, but rather fear, anxiety, and uncertainty. Because Fabio had a trait he could already feel within him: he was an unwanted child. To this, another condition was added: Fabio was about to be born to a depressed mother.
On April 7th, 1993, at 10:30 in the morning, Fabio came into the light. His life began; his heart and his breath were fully functional. The world welcomed him, but Fabio felt something was wrong from the very first moments. There is another thing often described with great, always happy, detail: the first contact with the mother. That woman who was meant to be his North Star in the years to come, the one who would protect him, make him feel unique, the one he would clash with during adolescence and long for once he grew up.
But for Fabio, none of this happened. Because that touch, that simple touch, was cold, frozen, devoid of love and desire. Between the two bodies, there was not even a hint of that symbiotic bond typical of those who lived for nine months as one, nourished by the same body that now felt like an enemy. It is no coincidence that a few extra lines are dedicated to this moment: it is what explains so many other things about his life that will gradually be told.
Fabio left the hospital a few days later. He was fine, physically well. He was a calm baby; he slept through the night, ate as he should, and slowly grew just as he was supposed to. Like all children, he began to explore the world through his mouth, touch, and scents. And it was through this exploration that Fabio soon came into contact with something he would learn to know all too well as he grew: violence. That physical and verbal violence of which his father would be the main actor the tormentor and, eventually, the victim.
