Chapter 1
God I have never really been honest with anyone in my entire life. Be it my family, or even myself, but I'm willing to try with you. As they say, you know us by heart.
I really don't know where my faith stands anymore. I'm pulling strings from all corners of my life. I don't know, maybe it's the loneliness, no one to talk to or express my faith issue with. I have always lived in this secret bubble I keep to myself.
Who should I go to? Who should I seek advice from in this time of struggles?
Faith, values, reality. Everything is not just corresponding, when I sit down and look at the things I pretend not to see, my faith shakes from all angles.
The main question (where were you lord).
Where were you, when the innocent people died.
Where were you when those little kids got diagnosed with cancer at a very young age.
When that teen person was struggling with anxiety and depression. Lord where were you then.
Where were you, when the so-called Christian was struggling with addictions.
Not to be rude but I bet, you were busy helping the rich make more money.
You were busy fixing the issues and situations in the pastors/preachers lives, so that they can come to church on Sunday and brag about you in their lives. We just look at them.
What about some of us who have been committed, persevering with your word for ages now.
What do they get.
Yes I'm a hundred percent Christian. But I do understand when believers and non believers question your existence, and your worth.
When that little kid gently wrote you letters about his/her feelings everyday. "Where were you then".
Some people say you are behind us, and you move with us. But we got stabbed in the back so many times, by loved ones.
"Where were you". I thought you were behind us.
Others say, you are within us. But people still get cancer, diabetes, and other harmful, deadly illnesses. "Where were you". When all this was happening.
Don't tell me you were resting, or taking a little nap. Because for what I have been told all my life, you watch over us 24/7. Or is it certain people.
When that woman got beaten up by her husband. You are the same one who said two is better than one, you are the same one who said he who finds a wife finds a good thing.
Isn't she a good thing.
Tell me "where were you".
When innocent kids lost their parents and became orphans at a young age, in this wicked world. We didn't see you, did we.
When those students that were called failures by their very own parents prayed and fasted for that test/bachelor's degree, but they still failed. Did they see you.
You said in your words that the young shouldn't be deprived from your kingdom, because the kingdom is mostly made for them.
But how can they find a kingdom, when they can't find themselves. They are broken, hurt. Their wounds are deep. I doubt a miracle or even grace can heal that.
Yet we pray to you.
Yet you told us to keep seeking.
But for how long.
It is high time you give us a sign. We need a vision, we need a miracle. Because some of us can't do it anymore. We have reached our maximum of perseverance.
Who knows, it might be seconds till we fall.
"Where are you".
