Between Silence

Chapter One - Who's Breaking More

My phone buzzes. It's Benji. I know he's out there waiting for me.

These Sunday bookstore pickups are our routine now. Every week I come to buy one book, and I leave with a bundle.

Heading out, I hear a voice from the counter calling out to me.

It's Ryan. "Hey," he waves at me with the same warm smile. If anyone could carry a genuine smile the same way they did back in school, it's definitely this guy. That's why I always call him Mr. Charming.

Since I'm in a hurry, I say, "Hey, Benji's waiting for me. I'll catch up later."

"Next week then," he smiles.

I give a quick nod and head out.

Outside, I spot him.

Benji is leaning on his scooty, scrolling his phone like he has all the time in the world. Same posture, same calm.

The moment he looks up, I brighten up with a wide smile. I do every time.

"Again? You're single-handedly boosting their business," he says.

"Well, at least I have a real hobby, unlike you, wasting time on your phone, idiot," I say.

"Madam, this idiot is your professional driver."

"Professional? Remember, it's your fault I dropped the books last time."

"You were scared of falling off. You dropped your books," he laughs. "Should've seen your face."

I smile too.

He hands me the helmet as usual.

I'm ready to hop on when his phone buzzes.

I lean in to see it's her.

He takes his phone and steps a little away not far, just enough.

He talks in a low voice, nodding once or twice.

I stand there with the helmet still in my hand, watching him from a small distance.

When he comes back, his expression is off. I've sensed things haven't been going well between them for a while.

"Uh… she needs to talk," he says.

"Okay," I reply.

"Like… she wants me to meet her near her place. Now."

I understand before he finishes, her place is in the opposite direction from home.

"Go. I'll manage. I'll take a cab," I say before he can finish.

He looks relieved I said it first. "Okay, I'll meet you at home."

"Okay." I hand over the helmet and step back.

He starts the scooty, pauses for a second, then leaves.

I wave him off, watching him turn the corner until he disappears. I stood there for a moment realizing how close we are and yet how distant he feels to me.

I take my phone out to book a ride when I hear

"Seems like your ride left without you today."

It's Ryan again.

"He had something come up," I said.

"I could drop you if you want. I've got a break now," he offers.

"No, it's fine. I'll book a ride," I said.

"Okay." He pauses, then asks, "Can we walk a bit and grab a coffee?"

It comes out of nowhere. I just look at him. But somewhere in that look, I remember what it feels like to be around him, he was always like this, never hesitating to speak his heart.

"There's this new cafe nearby I've been wanting to try. But I don't have anyone to go with," he says with that smile again.

"Okay," I say.

He takes the bundle of books from my hand, and we start walking side by side.

"So why did Mr. Charming end up with no one to go with?"

"Maybe I'm not that charming anymore," he laughs.

"No, seriously why did you come back here? You had a good job, a good life in the city. Everyone here looked up to you."

We reach the café. Warm lighting, soft tone. Newly opened, Benji and I actually had a plan to come here this weekend.

"There," Ryan guides me to a seat.

We get the menu. I go with coffee. Ryan orders one too.

"You know i just followed my heart, I felt i should come back here so did I," he says.

"I know you follow your heart. I just thought you loved your life there."

Our coffee arrives.

"I did, for a while. But it started draining me. I wasn't myself anymore and that's when I started missing this town. This bookstore." He smiles quietly. "Turns out running a bookstore isn't the worst idea."

"Definitely, Not" I say, sipping my coffee. It's so good. I wish I could come back here with Benji sometime.

"Now tell me, why are you still here, Bethy?"

The question lands somewhere deeper than I expect. No one calls me Bethy except him. Hearing it again after all this time feels unexpectedly good.

"I could never imagine leaving this town. I do work as a freelance writer. Plus, I single-handedly keep a bookstore in business," I laugh.

"That's a very important role. Please never leave," he says.

We laugh. The server brings the bill.

I reach for it, but Ryan gets there first. "I invited you. It's on me."

"Then I'm paying next time," I say.

I book a ride, and Ryan waits until it arrives.

"It was really nice talking to you. Good that we finally got some time like this."

I know what he means. Talking to an old friend after so long really does feel like coming home.

"Anytime, Mr. Charming," I wink.

I get in, and he waves enthusiastically as the car pulls away.

It's been a couple of hours since I got home. I was shelving the new books and working on a project when I heard a knock at the door.

Even without opening it, I know it's Benji. Only he knocks like that or maybe I've just known him so long that I recognize it without thinking.

When I open the door, I can see immediately that something is wrong.

He walks straight to the kitchen, takes a bottle of ice water from the fridge, and drinks it all. He knows this house as much as I do. All these years, I've never seen him look like this. Completely drained.

"What happened?" I asked quietly.

"She broke up with me, El" he says, his voice breaking. He says my name as if i could fix all these.

I watch him fall apart the love he'd carried for so long, crumbling right in front of me. All I could do was stand there.

I had imagined this moment so many times. His relationship ending. A small, shameful part of me had even wished for it. But now that it was real, it felt nothing like I thought it would.

It just felt heavy.

For a moment, I wanted to reach for his hand. To tell him I was there. To finally say what I'd kept inside for years that I'd loved him since the day he stood up for me when no one else did.

For a moment, it felt possible.

But I couldn't. Not after seeing how deeply he had loved her. Not when I knew exactly how much I mean to him as a friend. I could never risk breaking this friendship.

So I stayed silent. I stood beside him and carried everything in my heart.

In that silence, I didn't know whose heart was breaking more.