Clueless

“Some things they just never tell you to look out for. It would be easier from them to do so, but I guess it really isn’t their job to do so in the end. I mean, how would we learn if all we ever knew was presented before us on a silver platter. I don’t mean subjects such as math and history, but more on the social and political side of things. I wish that for our standard education that we could just be handed the information and learn it as if it were as easy as breathing. Though that will be something that would take quite a long time for us to achieve I suppose. The day that something like that happens though, it will change everything. From the way we perceive the world around us to how we see ourselves and the human species as a whole. I don’t believe that something like that could be used to change the personality of a person, as their personality is for them to decide via the experiences their life offers to them. Through hardships, sadness, joy, pain, love, friendship are we made. Not to say that being handed the most information that we could amass couldn’t influence the personality of the person, but it will never define them. That is what makes us so special I guess. That, or it is what makes us so weak.”

“Throughout a short life it is hard to fully grasp what lays before you. The deeper meaning to all the things you see and hear. That is to be expected though. As you get older you tend to look back on these things and start to see them for what they truly were, and what they maybe could have been. The thing is, you will never be able to experience them for what they could have been. That is something that is lost to the past, something that you as a person has had to let go of. If it comforts you, there may be another universe that contains a version of you that did do that thing. Maybe they died from it, maybe not. That is not up for you to decide and quite frankly, not up for anyone to decide. You never really had a choice in the matter, though you may have thought that you did.”

“Please hang in there for a second while I try and explain what I just said. I don’t mean this in the same way that some crazy conspiracy theorist does. I do not feel like I am the kind of person to come running up from my basement to burst through your closet or something screaming, ‘It is all a lie! The very world around you is fake! They have planted chips in your mind to control and read your thoughts! We are no more than an amusing show for our alien overlords in the sky! Rick and Morty’s Roy game was actually a warning!’ Or something along those lines. I mean, what kind of nut case would believe in something like that? Well, I would say that there is a great deal of people that believe something along those lines, but I won’t go into that due to the simple fact that it would take too long and that I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone’s delicate sensibilities.”

“But I digress, the point that I was trying to make was that we don’t really think about what we do all too much. Many decisions that we think that we acted upon our own free will to make, were most likely our subconscious choice. We thought that we thought it through and successfully came to that conclusion, but rather it was done and chosen for us in mere seconds. Our brain is constantly thinking of ways to keep us alive, while the personality, or the waking person is going about their day to day lives. These thoughts can even include simple things such as what to wear and what to say. Though, that is not to say that we can’t filter these things, because if we didn’t, the world would be in chaos. That kind of mentality is the thing that allows for a person to change. The ability to better filter and control our sub. while awake, allowing better decision making. Though things like personality are usually controlled but the sub. To an extent.”

“I mean, not many people really think about why they are the way they are, or why they act the way they do. It is just something that happens to come to them and they go on and about their lives adding and removing things from their personalities, with not a single thought to it. That is most likely why we had come up with the phrase that you can’t change people, and that they will always act the way they do. While it isn’t completely true, since you can impact a person’s life and influence change, it is true that you can’t outright change a person’s personality and behavior. I mean, it is kind of hard to change something that person doesn’t even know how to change themselves. If we were able to go about freely changing our personalities and behaviors, we would be constantly getting rid of all parts about ourselves that we thought to be either a nuisance or generally bad. If that were to happen, we wouldn’t be ourselves anymore, we as people would cease to be.”

“I believe that it is the lack of thought that we put into things that truly make us human. The ability to remain true to ourselves, our nature, without a second’s delay. That is something that is something that makes us unique from some of the other animals on the planet. That makes you and me different from each other. The simple ability to reach different conclusions to the same question. The ability to see the same thing as two separate things. It proves that our minds are not only able to understand the world around us, but are also able to interpret it upon request, to hopefully allow us to the deeper meaning to everything in life. To unlock life’s secrets and make our way in this world. To carve two different things from the same piece of wood. To make love or war. That is what at its core makes a human. To see the deeper meaning to the world around you and to be able to figure out for yourself what you think it means.”

“Though, I probably shouldn’t be going on like this to someone who is about to die. It seems kind of unfair to you, doesn’t it? Yeah, I would imagine that it would at least. I mean, to give one’s own personal opinions on life and what it is to be a human to someone you are about to kill kind of seems like a waste of breath to be honest. I probably shouldn’t have sat down and said all those things to you, but I just couldn’t help myself. You seemed like the kind of person that would be able to understand without a second thought. That or maybe you are the one person who wouldn’t understand no matter how easy I made it, but would listen regardless. I guess that really isn’t up for me to decide. You will be you and I will be me. That is how it should be… but let’s end this now and not regret anything alright? Yes, that would be the best thing that we could do, wouldn’t you say?”

He turned his head up into the night sky. Mind filling with things lost and gained. Eyes sunken and cold, as if he was seeing the end of everything. The end of him, the end of me, and the end of what had and what was to be. But there was nothing that he could do. Nothing but admire the stars. The stars that surrounded the world that he created. Created from the ashes of the old. They were all he had to remind himself of the time long since passed. The one thing that was left to him. The only thing that he could cling to, that kept him even the slightest bit himself.

His eyes sparkled like the stars. They did so like they did in the past. Before he was what he is now. He wasn’t always like this. He used to just be another normal human. But things were different now and they couldn’t be undone.

My mother had told me stories of how this world had come to be and how it used to be in the past. That and of the man in front of me. The twisted monster that he is and how he became to be. More of the tragedy that brought him to this point. That brought me to this point. It all revolved around him and his mistakes.

Jake…

The man that is to blame, but remains the biggest victim. The only one that could stop everything but refused, or more of turned his back to it. Refused the world without her. Refused the god that took her. Refused the universe that allowed this to happen. But most importantly, refused himself for becoming what he was, what he is, and what he will forever be.

Clueless.