Felt unexpected pt 1

I swear this was supposed to be simple mall day with my right hand man Azhel. Nothing deep. Grab a couple summer fits, talk stuff, laugh too loud, maybe judge a few people in passing. The usual.

We're walking side by side, smoothies in one hand, shopping bags already starting to pile up in the other. Azhel's saying something reckless probably about somebody's outfit while I'm half-listening, half-laughing, tossing in comments here and there.

It feels easy. Normal.

I takes another sip of her smoothie, adjusting the bags digging into my wrist, when something pulls my attention. I don't even realize she's slowing drift my eyes upward, then like instinct. I see her

Arrius.

I watch Arrius and feel everything shift inside me. It starts small, just noticing her, But then it grows into something I can't control. I catch myself studying her, the way her pretty starter locs frame her face, thick and ridiculously short, There's something about her presence, the soft vanilla scent that seems to follow her, her unique aesthetic that makes her stand out without even trying. And her personality makes the room feel so warm. It pulls me in every time.

Walking like she knows exactly what she's doing, seeing her felt like the whole mall wasn't even real. She still steps into it like it's nothing Effortlessly yet Annoyingly fine. Heading straight into Bath & Body Works

I took a weird pause just for a second but not enough...

"Hey Malachi," I hear out loud down the hallway. I froze up instantly and gave back an anxious wave. My grip tightens slightly around her smoothie cup, eyes lingering a second longer than they should. I tries to play it off, shifts my weight, and look away like it didn't just catch me off guard.

But yeah.

I definitely saw her.

We ended up Leaving the mall and my mind wasn't hesitant to remember the times where we would We laugh at the same things, share the same sense of humor, and in those moments it feels like we're perfectly in sync. Like maybe, just maybe, there's something more there. But then I go too far in my own head. I start to admire her in a way that feels bigger than admiration. To me, she's unreal like a goddess, like the prettiest girl I've ever seen. And I hate how easily I'd drop everything, everyone, without hesitation if it meant choosing her. It doesn't even feel like a choice.

I love her. I know I do.

But then reality creeps in.

Because no matter how much I feel, I can't shake the thought that she doesn't feel the same. That to her, we're just friends. And maybe that's all we'll ever be. She has her reasons, things she won't cross, lines she won't blur and I'm left standing on this side of it, wanting more than she'll ever allow. So I keep it to myself, even when it feels like it's spilling over.

I'm not the type to judge people for what they keep to themselves. Everybody got something they're carrying, something they're not ready to let the world touch. But with Arrius... it's different. I see her in ways she don't even realize.

She bisexual, yeah. But you'd never hear her say it out loud. Not in front of people, not even in a whisper that could travel too far. Her parents are African, strict in that way that don't bend, They don't try to understand. In her house, loving a girl isn't just "different" it's wrong. So she hides it. Tucks it away like it's something fragile... or something dangerous.

And me? I just listen.

I listen when she starts talking about Judah. God, Judah. If there's one thing that makes my chest tighten, it's hearing his name fall out her mouth like it still means something soft. He's her ex, but you'd swear the way she clings to those memories, he still got a piece of her that she is never getting back. And the worst part? She knows he's not good for her. She tells me everything. How he talks down to her, how he twists things, how he makes her feel small. Like she gotta shrink herself just to keep him comfortable. Every time she tells me, I feel it build up inside me. This quiet kind of anger. Not loud, not explosive... just heavy. The kind that sits in your chest and don't leave.

Because I don't understand how she can keep going back to something that treats her like that.

And maybe... maybe it's not just anger. Maybe it's something else too.

when she talks, all I can think about is how I'd treat her different. How I'd never make her question herself like that. How I'd make sure she felt seen, heard... wanted. Like she actually matters. Like she's not something to control, but someone to cherish.

I catch myself thinking about it more than I should, what it would be like if she just gave me a chance. If she could see me the way I see her. But that's where I stop myself. Arrius doesn't look at me like that. Maybe she never will. And if I let all this spill out, it wouldn't change anything. It'd just make things awkward. Make me feel stupid for hoping in the first place.

So I don't say nothing.

I just sit there, nodding, listening to her go on about Judah like he still deserves space in her story. And every time she finishes, I swallow everything I wanna say.

I blink back into myself, head still full of her. Until I hear Azhel's irksome voice cutting through it all. "Malachi." I hum like I've been listening, but I haven't. Not really. He studies me, already knowing. "You still like her?" That question... it just sits there. Heavy. Obvious. I don't answer. I don't have to. Silence stretches between us, and I can feel him getting irritated, the way he always does when it comes to her. Azhel used to be close with Arrius—real close—but whatever happened between them is fog in my head. I don't remember, and honestly, I don't care enough to try. He exhales sharp. "You gotta find better, Malachi. This is dumb at this point."

I roll my eyes, already tuning him out. He always says this. Like I don't know there are other girls. Like I don't know I could have someone who actually chooses me first. Someone who'd eat me like they're craving me

I know all that. I just... don't want them.

They're just bridges. Temporary. Something to pass over, not stay on. Arrius.. she's not that. She's everything I let myself want, even when it makes me look stupid. So I cut him off mid-lecture, because I'm not about to stand here and listen to another speech. "Did you see her today though?" I smirk a little, shaking my head. "She is looked so-" Azhel scoffs, slicing right through me. "You mean the same girl you froze up in front of? She said 'hello' and you couldn't even talk."

That hits. I hate that it does.

My mouth snaps shut. I look away, jaw tight, because he's not wrong. Not even a little. We don't say anything after that.

Just walk.

Side by side, quiet the whole way home.

Azhel slipped his headphones on. He always does that when he gets upset and everything gets too loud in his head. Music is his escape, his shield. And just like that, I'm sitting right next to him, but I might as well not exist.

I watch him for a second, the way his eyes soften as he drifts somewhere else, somewhere I can't follow. Part of me envies that. The other part just feels... left behind. So I pull out my phone.

I text Arrius something simple, casual. "Hey. You okay?" Trying to sound like I don't care more than I probably should.She replies pretty quickly, but it's not what I expected. She says "I'm okay... but could be better." And something about that sits wrong with me. It's not the words yet alone it's the feeling behind them. Like she's holding something back. Like she's trying to downplay something heavier. I can't shake the thought that something's off. I stare at the screen for a second, debating. I could leave it alone. Let her deal with it. But that's not me... and definitely not when it comes to her.

So I ask if I can come over.

My fingers hover for half a second before I hit send, like I'm crossing some invisible line I can't uncross.She says "yes, she'd love that."

And just like that, my stomach flips.

Now I'm nervous... but not in a bad way. It's that kind of nervous that comes with anticipation, with wanting something a little too much. My mind starts running ahead of me, painting this like it's more than it probably is. Like I'm not just going to check on a friend... right ??