Corner light

I have always wondered, do memories erase as we get older? But what if you remember the nightmares you lived after leaving the moon, stars or the light you were to follow? Asking questions that you won't be able to find an answer to was my way of torturement rewriting the stories in my head that I can't even bear to hold on to yet I still won’t let go of.

The first day of high school wouldn’t be too bad so as i thought, walking through the halls trying to find the class, “can’t be that bad” i said sigh and stepped into my classroom the loud voices of my new classmates sounded strange.

I could feel the eyes on me but I kept my head down and searched for an empty seat. By chance there was an empty seat on the middle row 3th seat. I sat down and the chair was cold. I felt the heat in my heart as I looked up to the people around me. As I looked at their faces my eyes lingered longer on the first row on the front.

I saw him

his face looked similar, but I couldn't figure who he was. The bell rings as everyone stands up to greet the teacher. Everyone was silent looking at each other, "weird” I thought to myself. But suddenly locking eyes with him. He looked like an angel… so clear skin and eyes that would hypnotize. He breaks eye contact. As everyone sat back down, at first I was a little worried, the feeling was different. Nor could I think why I would feel that way towards him. After him my eyes darted to the person who sat on the same row 2 seat.. It was HEUNG?..

“Why was she here?

“What am I going to do?”

“What will happen if she tells everyone about our past…”

“i have to avoid her” the t filled my head as the background noises felt like traffic, my attention shifted to the teacher who starts to take attendance, the names pass through my ears “martina, Oliver, naray, Kahira, Tracy, Heung..” the teacher smiled, he looked around the classroom and said “this year will be pretty interesting”

he continued but stopped at my name “muriden?” the teacher said with confusion. I looked up to the teacher and said, “My name is mardin sir..” I felt embarrassed as others looked toward me with a little laugh but it was fine. I will be through it.

The first period was over as we had a little 15 minute break and he approached me.. Why? Why would he? I start to panic and start to squeeze the hem of my shirt. “I’m Kahira, and you are mardin right?” I nodded slightly “yeah, I’m mardin” my voice was wavy as I looked at his hair. It was purple on the tips as it blended to his sharp black hair.

Kahira smiled and asked “is there something on my hair?”

“N-no.. there is nothing. It's just so different.” I said without even having the chance to think of what I was saying.

“Different? I hope it's in a good way” he chuckled

“Yeah in a good way-” Hueng rushed into the conversation

“It's been a while,” Heung looked at me. She smiled but it wasn't friendly, I froze when I heard her. How could I forget her?

Before I could think twice, Kahira grabbed my book “come to sit next to me.” he said interrupting. I get up following Kahira to his seat and sit down next to him. My mind was raising with several questions I wouldn't dare to ask him:

“Why is he nice to me?”

“Isn’t he Heung’s friend?”

“What if Heung’s tells others what happened back then?”

That day at home on my bed I felt so heavy with emotions I promised myself that I will stay away from them as much as i can. That will be the best. I can’t have my filthy emotions and cravings for being his friend destroy my high school terms. I couldn't help but to worry, what if everyone in the class knew about the past? The thought eats me alive all night.

The next day at school I was sitting with Kahira. I was determined to keep myself away from him and Heung. "Mardin, wanna hang out after school? Just you, me and a few others huh?" Kahira asked his voice was soft yet there was a smile that could melt anyone down.

"Well... my parents don't allow me to out with others" i said looking away i was disappointed couldn't help but wanting to go "it's fine really" Kahira chuckled "why don't you lie to them? it will only take a few hours anyway" i never thought about it that way, should i actually lie to my parents? Since they always trust me I can use it... only once!

"You are right, I could.." Kahira smiled widely as my heart started to pound faster again. I held myself together, my right knee was touching his. It was so weird that I couldn't pull away or dare to move.

Kahira spoke suddenly, pulling me out of my small fantasies. "Then it's settled, you are coming. Don't leave me hanging at the last minute." I chuckled, but stop suddenly my mind raising...

I WAS SUPPOSED TO KEEP MY SELF AWAY FROM HIM! Im not gay... yeah right.. He is also friends with Heung..

Damn it!...

Few hours later the bell rings and I get up and start to pack my things up and wait for Kahira. He get up but grab Heung's bag and throw it on his back carrying it for her.

I wasn't expecting for Heung to come as well. "She is coming as well? I thought it would be just us guys." I felt a little heart broken and worried. what if Heung told him anything about the past..

Heung smirked and stepped closer to me with a confident "nice to see you again little rat, can't wait to see you crumble down again" I froze and my heart sank as my eyes found the floor just like before. her voice was not too high for Kahira to hear. She turn to Kahira.