Chapter 1: The Last Rain
The rain had been a drizzle for the last hour, but now it was a cold, miserable downpour, and it felt like it had been falling only on me. We stood on the street corner beneath the sticky yellow glow of a streetlight. The rest of the world was blurred by the haze of the rain, but you were sharp, in perfect focus. And I hated you for it.
" Why is she still a part of this ? " The words left my mouth quiet, but they felt like screaming.
He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, hands shoved deep into his pockets. He wouldn’t look at me. He was staring at the wet asphalt, a blank canvas where a moment ago I thought I saw a reflection of the truth.
"It's not like that," he said, and I almost laughed. It was the same tired phrase, the same empty promise.
"Then what is it like?" I asked, my voice cracking a little. "Because all I see is you still drowning in her. And I've been treading water for months, trying to save you."
Your head finally came up, but you weren't looking at me. You were looking past me, at the blurred lights of the city. "I just... need to figure things out."
And then When You finally looked at me, your eyes were searching for mine, but there was no real answer in them. Just a panicked emptiness. "It's not... a part of this. It's just her."
A single car splashed by, its tires humming on the wet asphalt, a momentary sound in the suffocating silence.
He took a step closer, and my heart gave a useless little flutter of hope. You reached out, not to hold me, but to brush a stray piece of hair from my cheek. "You know how much I care about you," he said, his voice low and gentle. "You're the only one I can be myself with."
The words, meant to soothe, felt like another betrayal. They were just another line, another anchor, to keep me right where you needed me: close enough to be a life raft, but far enough away that I wouldn't see you were still tied to her. My tears weren't falling, but the rain was. It was a physical ache in my chest, a deep, hollow silence that was so much worse than any screaming match.
In a flash of cold fury, so pure it almost felt like a new kind of clarity, I saw everything. The times you pulled away when my hand found yours, the way you would stop a story about us when a mutual friend of hers entered the room, the hushed phone calls late at night. You weren't figuring things out. You were waiting. Waiting for her to come back, waiting for the memory to fade, waiting for a past that was never going to let you go.
I looked down as now the cold breeze started to send shivers down my spine and I said, 'I can't do this anymore. '
He flinched as if I had hit Him. "What do you mean, you can't do this? You don't... you don't love me?" The words were so empty, so devoid of real feeling. Just an attempt to hold onto me. "You just have to wait. Wait for me to heal. Don't you see I'm trying?"
A tear, hot and defiant, finally broke free and rolled down my cheek, mingling with the cold rain. I held your gaze, dead-on, and gave you the truth you were running from.
"Maybe," I whispered, " but just not enough to save you from drowning in your past."
He shook his head as in disappointment, like I said something which will kill him, and his voice dropped to a level so soft it was more brutal than a shout . " Ele, you know I can't Love, I tried .. I just can't .. never loved you romantically . Love.. it's supposed to be chosen , it just happens and I did not feel it .. Not Ever . I tried, I did everything . Evrything. I just can't ... You are family, Ele. You are special to me .."
His words were a physical blow... Like air left my lungs in a sharp, painful gasp. The world instantly became a blurry, hazy mess. The streetlights bled into long, distorted streaks of yellow and red and I ?
I couldn't breathe. My heart had been broken before, but this … this was different. This was a demolition. It was a final, cold confirmation that I was never a person to you, just a placeholder.
I turned and walked away. My boots made a rhythmic, sloshing sound on the wet pavement, but I couldn't feel my feet. The only words I can hear are yours swinging in my head like a thump.I couldn't feel the cold. I couldn't feel anything at all except your presence and I can't bear looking behind me, not after your clear confession.. So, I just keep walking like a ghost in the rain, fading into the yellow haze of the streetlights. Far from Him. Far as possible from Him.
...♡...
