Entwined Echoes

I think when I look back on those days, I only have one regret. I wish I had utilized my time on literally anything else rather than being completely, embarrassingly smitten by a bitch like Kang Ye-Sol.

Life has never seemed easy to me. It only seemed manageable on the days I gaslit myself into thinking, there are harder days ahead, so suck it up and keep moving, So-Hyun. Keep moving like the stubborn little stain on a white cloth that you are. And I did. I kept moving. Right into the worst decision of my life, which was falling in love with my senior. The same bitch I just mentioned. Yeah. That one.

You’ve probably already picked up on the fact that I despise that woman down to my last bone. Even the thought of her gives me this crawling, unpleasant feeling I cannot fully describe. She is the second worst nightmare I have ever had the displeasure of living through. The first? We are not getting into that. Not today.

People look back on their high school years the way Adam must have looked back on heaven after the fall. Nostalgic. Aching. Like something precious was lost. But if my high school years were a dish, the only word that could describe the taste would be acerbic. Sharp, bitter, and leaving something unpleasant behind long after you’ve swallowed it.

If I am being honest, I only remember two things from those years. One, the constant, suffocating reminder that my older stepbrother was everything I was not. Two, the fact that my stepfather never once looked at me like I was worth addressing properly. Not once. And I know what you are thinking, poor little rich girl, right? And fine, maybe. It is genuinely a fortune that I got to live the life I did, courtesy of people who barely acknowledged my existence. They wanted me to marry rich, naturally. Build an alliance. Secure a future through someone else’s last name. But unfortunately, as life would have it, my type has always been broke bitches who are just bitchy enough to use me as their personal lapdog. A pattern I am still not entirely sure how to explain.

It was the alumnae association meeting. I was on cloud nine. After three whole years, I was going to see Kang Ye-Sol again, on campus, in the flesh. I had been head over heels for her from the moment she started paying attention to me, though it took me an embarrassingly long time to clock that. Almost two years of quiet, agonizing pining before I finally admitted to myself that I was in love. In love with a woman who, as it turned out, was a sadist. The kind who feeds off people who are willing to burn themselves down just to keep her warm. She collected devotion like it was currency and spent it without a second thought.

What a funny woman she was, honestly. I mean that in the most bitter way possible. She really was quite the charmer. I will give her that much.

I felt it before I even saw her. That stupid, traitorous flutter in my chest that I thought I had buried somewhere deep enough to never resurface. Apparently not deep enough.

“So-Hyun, ain’t that your bitch?” Min-Kyung took a short sip from the chocolate milkshake they were sharing, completely unbothered.

“Come on, that’s disrespectful.” So-Hyun said, her cheeks already betraying her.

“Ew. Ew. EW.” Min-Kyung pulled back like she had just witnessed something physically painful. “What is this, a Wattpad story? All that ridiculous kdrama you’ve been consuming has genuinely rewired your brain, So-Hyun.” She glanced toward Ye-Sol’s direction and then back. “All that for HER? I am this close to disowning you as a person.”

So-Hyun hit her on the back. “You love who you love. And she is not even that bad.”

“Oh she is so much worse than you think she is, trust me on that.”

“Just because she once dated your sister’s ex doesn’t mean you get to project the same bitterness onto a completely different situation.” So-Hyun said, visibly heated.

“Salt is salt, So-Hyun. Your special wound doesn’t change the properties of the salt.”

“Min-Kyung, WHERE DID THAT EVEN COME FROM, GENUINELY.”

“Okay, you dense idiot. Collect yourself.” Min-Kyung said, finishing off the last of the milkshake in one long, aggressive sip. “You do not want to embarrass yourself in front of your goddess.” She dragged out the last word with maximum mockery.

It was a routine for us at that point, Min-Kyung calling me out for being pathetic and me defending someone who frankly did not deserve the defense. I knew Ye-Sol’s reputation. Everyone did. She had a particular talent for leaving damage behind without ever looking back at it. But I was too far gone to care. I idolized her. I desired her. I craved her validation like it was something I actually needed to function. I wanted to call her mine and at the same time, I wanted her to have complete control over me. I was deeply, thoroughly unwell about this woman. And the worst part? I had a feeling, somewhere in the back of my mind, exactly what she was capable of doing to me. That only made it worse. That only made me want it more.

As Ye-Sol stepped closer in my direction, I felt myself shrink and expand at the same time. I was like a performer, constantly rehearsing, constantly adjusting, doing everything in my power just to hold the attention of my audience. And my audience was none other than the woman walking toward me right now. Her hair. Her eyes that curved like crescent moons whenever she smiled. That grin of hers that had no business being that devastating. The way her expression shifted the moment she noticed me, like I was something worth noticing. And her voice. God, her voice when she said my name.

First love is so, so, so cruel. I mean it. Even now, even after everything, I am not ready to hear her say my name. Even the hatred I carry for her is soaked in something that feels embarrassingly close to what I used to call love. The kind of love that made me feel like we were the only two people left on this entire earth.

“So-Hyun!”

Oh, if only I could go back and feel that for something worth feeling it for.

“So-Hyun!!”

She said it twice. Both times, some traitorous part of me wanted more.

“Where were you? I was waiting for you.”

Bullshit. You wanted me to come to you. You wanted me to reach out first. You wanted me to prove, for the five hundredth millionth time, that no matter what, I will always come to you first. Always. And the saddest part? I would have. Gladly. Over and over again.

“Ye-Sol, in case you forgot, some of us haven’t graduated from this hellhole yet.” So-Hyun said, and caught from the corner of her eye, Min-Kyung casually and shamelessly disappearing the moment Ye-Sol entered a five meter radius of their existence.

“Your friend, where did she go?” Ye-Sol asked, genuinely clueless.

“Oh, she just went to throw the milkshake can in the trash.” So-Hyun said, looking directly into her eyes without so much as blinking.

Lying had never been her strong suit. But around Ye-Sol, even that came easy. Terrifyingly easy.

“I was thinking we could all go somewhere.” Ye-Sol said, still glancing around for Min-Kyung.

So-Hyun recognized the opening immediately and jumped through it before her brain could talk her out of it. “Wouldn’t it be better if it’s just the two of us?”

Ye-Sol paused. Then smiled. “Absolutely. And I have a surprise for you too, so you won’t get bored. Think of it as plan B.”

“A SURPRISE?”

So-Hyun’s eyes went wide. As wide as a deer that has just spotted the bait, completely unaware of the hunter holding the other end of it.

Ironically, So-Hyun was very much the deer.