The Whispers In My Head

“We die to live in a paradise, but we always end up in hell.”

Religion has been a big part of our culture for thousands of years, Christianity, Buddhism, and many more deceiving movements that make us wait for the holy hand of justice and redemption for the aching pain of our everlasting lives. Christianity promises us the eternal peace, and happiness in the afterlife for blindly believing in the man in the sky who watches over us yet decides to ignore our screams of pain just as lightly as he ignores our prayers. The prayers that we were told to say to feed his ego and to make us seem so weak and worthless in his shadow. Buddhism promises us the harmony of evil and good where we create our own paradise through sending good into the world in expectance that it would come back to us in another form, yet somehow greed and deceit pay back way more than virtues and humble conduct, rich get richer, poor stay poor. As we send our good actions into this world, the purity and goodness of this deed gets lost among the way only to come back as a broken reflection of once so joyful world. Every religion that promises us a big payback in future, is no more than a pyramid scheme that too many fall for. As you sit in a puddle of mud, having lost everything, you finally reach the clarity of mind to understand that only the one on top of the pyramid walks away rich while everyone else are just puns in the game that they don’t have the ability to fully grasp until it is too late, and then they take your place and it begins again.

Christianity began with a man who showed wonders, but more importantly compassion, to this world and spread the word of God whose love will keep us warm and who deeply cares for our misfortunes. For that, for giving hope to those who have long forgotten the meaning of the word, he was crucified on a cross. that weighted as much as sins of everyone who hammered in the nails in his limbs and those who once again have given up the hope as they stood watching their savior burn away. Before he was gone forever from our lives he taught people to love thy neighbor and to ignore temptation and sins that hide behind so welcoming delights, for that reward is great. We were promised the escape from our current state. to somewhere where we could forever forget pain, and forgive those that have inflicted pain to us, we would be granted heaven. It has been more than two thousand years since that man came and even in his death the narrative that he has carried have changed. He told us to believe him, and to believe in our father God, he is our great creator. He made us doubt our judgement, as our actions were disgraceful and sinful in his eyes, and every such action make angels cry and fall from heaven. He told us that only actions of those that are utterly good will open the doors to heaven. Now let us think for a moment of what has been said. People that act good will be granted the eternal paradise but those that do evil will be sent to the eternal torture, this sounds legitimate until you begin to recognize what is a difference between a good person and a person doing good actions. Can it be that people that are evil but also do good deeds will be allowed to step a foot into heaven? A murderer that prays his sins away and bribes the doorman of the Heaven’s gates with his so generous transactions, would be allowed to open the Heaven’s gates with his blood stained hands, would be above a man who never shared the blind and doubtful faith of those who rule the masses? We live in temptation and denial where “we are allowed to only be as good as the world allows us to be” (Joker,Dark Knight) but when the cover of night covers our faces we let the animals that tread inside our chest escape for just an hour. We don’t live our lives in ways that are considered good or evil, we simply live afraid to move our limbs, in fear of judgement and retribution from all sides. The Heavens gaze upon us from above and from below the burning corpses raise their hands to pull us down in the eternal abyss but even when you escape the judgmental eyes that follow you everywhere you go, you find a finger always pointing at you in disgust. There is truly no freedom in our lives, the beast with billions eyes will never release us from our capture. We are not good, nor are we evil based on what we do, or do not do. Our intentions define our actions where murder can be evil and good, it cannot be decided by you or me on who deserves to die or live, to burn or rest at last. The Heaven’s gates will open for those whose hearts and intentions are pure and holy. Nothing we do will ever change the outcome

Blessed are those who are pure in heart”, “Rejoice and Celebrate because great is your reward in heaven.” Those who’s intentions are sincere and hearts are pure, will be rewarded with eternity of paradise in heaven. The justice for all actions will be carried out on the final court. For all the good that we bring to this world we are promised an eternity in heaven where we receive the final reward from God for being faithful to his teachings, but for the disobedience we will be punished with flames and endless torture in the burning depth of Hell as we would gaze upon the heaven’s gate from below without a thought of regret. We laugh at any chance of us ever being punished for our deeds, for all we always acted in the sincerest manner, only those who are in prison will be ever trialed for their deeds, but us, of course not we will for sure be granted the heavenly reward for all the deeds we did with our so pure intentions, or so we tell ourselves as we pass the guillotine that smells of gore and carnage. How pure are our intentions? Can we say that we don’t think of heaven as we do the God’s will? Can it be that no God’s follower will ever be allowed in heaven because they act not of pure intentions but because of fear of God? What is purity in heart? Can it be selflessness when we give all of our possessions away because that is what a kind man, who seemed so generous and humble, have told us? Do you ever ask yourself, “what would Jesus do?” If so you are not pure and you will forever burn in Hell for your impurity of heart. It is sinful to think of God as you do his orders because those actions don’t come from the bottom of your heart, they come from human fear, greed, and ego which we as humans so often like to feed. There is no purity in actions in the name of God, it is only sin. Did it never occur to you that those who see the near death, become so generous? So omnibenevolent? So faithful? No man would be convinced to give away his precious possessions when there is no reason, no reward for doing so, it is laughable for those who are told to give something up for no specific reason but when a reason is given, and the reward is all so tempting, somehow the people who seemed so grim and careless, become so humble, inviting and generous, almost as if people were never what they claim to be but the thought of heavenly reward have somehow transformed the very fundament of their nature into something more fitting of their narrative. Humans are greedy beings that possess a limited capacity for sympathy, it’s rare that a person performs a selfless act towards someone who will never be able to repay them, even when it seems that there is no thought behind their deed. There is always something at the back of your mind that makes you ask yourself “What would Jesus do? What is the right thing to do here? Because we are afraid, afraid of consequences, afraid of hell, afraid of punishment, afraid to be alone, fear takes away our lives and claims it as its own. If God was truly looking for those who are in pure heart why would he show himself and promise the heavenly reward? Would it not be better to look for people who truly understand the meaning of selflessness, who experience the need to show care for another being? people that love thy neighbor not because they were told to, but because it feels right. God has planted the seed of corruption in the hearts of his followers forever denying them heaven. The intentions a man who has such a promise as heaven for his actions, undermines the purity of his actions making him forever a slave of his own greed. The irony is rich within the Bible, almost making you think if Jesus was never the son of God, maybe he was always the son of Satan. That alone will explain the murders that have been performed by God over the duration of the Bible, the omnibenevolent God that we hear of to this day. Can it be that the battle for heaven is not yet over? As Satan shows God the nature of humanity’s hypocrisy, as they are prepared to deny their nature for a convincing payment, the nature that God has given them, something that we are told to embrace to reach the sound of mind, and tranquility of heart. Then again God made us who we are, and the soul that he has granted us defines our personalities, we cannot be judged for things beyond our control, just as we cannot be judged for all good and bad actions that we do in life because our character evolves from the foundation that is our soul, and we could never change. There would always be a whisper in your head reminding you of your true nature. You cannot run from that nagging whisper as it gets louder every step of the way, you cannot run from yourself.

You can argue that only truly foul people are going to Hell, those people whose hearts erupt with burst of scorching hate, yet you ignore the fact that, not all those who are labeled to be of Satan’s nature choose to represent this hate. They do not choose the fate that they are born into. They are being given the hardest burden of them all, the irresistible temptation that everyone around them would see as wicked and disgraceful, but they make peace with the inescapable reality of their nature as extensive as they can until they break, they always break. Pedophiles, murderers and serial killers are born this way. God have created them to be what they are, and he must have an overwhelming joy to see how ash like, their lives burn down from self-inflicted flames until they fall onto the ground. He has no right to judge upon their actions, or to even think of punishment by Hell. Like an aching soar that gets more intense by every minute, until you find your hand reaching the soar on its own, but then the ache cannot be tempered with and you give up, at last. Once that happens you become evil in the eyes of God, as you plead for forgiveness, temptation was too strong for any mortal to sustain, but you will always be denied. He had no choice. God cannot blame us for what we become because of him, he has no right to judge our actions as he ignores our pain. We are not good for making good actions because God told us to, we are good because we feel that it is good to do certain things, and if we believe that those things are good then we are justified by our intentions.

The world was created out of nothingness, for seven days God was creating the world, OUR world and God treasured his creations. He created earth and sky, sun and oceans, animals and humans. He thought that it was good. He made humans and he has created a paradise for them to live in, but before creating humans he made angels. Angels were the perfect beings that God have created to serve by his side in the heavenly kingdom, to assist humans in their new beginning, for them to evolve into his followers. Among angels were Arch-Angels who were granted power that was greater than the power of any other angel and they were always at God’s side. They were special, but their power did not define them, their virtues and abilities were what made them so special. Arch-Angel Michael was the strongest one, he was the general who lead God’s angels, he was the right hand of God. Then there was an Arch-Angel Lucifer he was intelligent, but that was his curse, he saw humans as lesser beings, beings that were weak, greedy, and evil in their core, the beings who would step on each other’s heads to climb higher. So Lucifer denied the servitude to them because he saw them for what they truly were. Lucifer was not alone in his wrath, other angels supported him, they did not want to serve such despicable beings, and that has split the heaven in two. Lucifer loved God and saw that he was wrong about humans, and he could not stand the misery which servitude to them would inflict upon him. Lucifer decided to show God once and for all the agonizing truth about the human race.

Adam and Eve lived in heaven’s garden of Eden, where they were at God’s overlook, where they could have and do anything at all, except for eating from the Tree of Knowledge. Every day Adam and Eve praised the lord for what he has given to them, they were thankful for giving them the life and all the goods they could possibly dream of, of course they could not dream of much. One day it all has changed. One faithful day Lucifer have seduced Eve to eat the forbidden apple from the Tree of Knowledge for which Adam and Eve were kicked from the garden of Eden and forever forbidden from entering it again. All alone in a desolate world, Adam and Eve have walked upon the godless earth where through pain and hardship they were forced to live. Lucifer got his victory, and God saw the nature of his creations, the rotten cores of their souls that could not be cleansed with God’s holy wrath. How could something so purely good create something so despicably bad? As every good story this one has a meaning. God has created humans as his slaves, they lived solely for his amusement, like mindless ghouls they walked upon the earth with no reason why, other than pleasing their master. They never had free will, their actions were predetermined by their all mighty overlord, who seemed so kind at times, and other times contrary, where they had not an option other than obey. Nor did they have a mind to see the world for what it truly was, like infants they did not have the capacity to understand the nature of this world, the nature of God’s power or even his intentions. They existed in a humble state of blindness, where they could not care less for reasons beyond their comprehension, but their nature began to take control. The need to satisfy one’s nature began with Adam need of a subservient being who would carry out his will, as if he was the God of Eden. They were created to serve God with child’s geniality, praised for being stupid and kept safe from the world. God was afraid of them harvesting the fruit from the tree of knowledge, because with knowledge comes the light that shines over the oppressing shadows that cover the darkest secrets that should never see the light of day. The abysmal human nature has over powered the fear of retribution, as Eve and Adam have consumed the forbidden fruit, the God’s empire begun to shatter in thousands of sharp fragments that we still cut ourselves with up to this day. With his most loyal followers able to finally see through the intentions of not so long beloved and humble father with clarity and comprehension, so begun the new era of the human kind, where shackles were forever broken and we could breathe the toxic air without smelling roses. God held them captive for their entire lives, where it was only fair to pull the plug but there was no savior, no voice of reason to resist deception. Until he came, the serpent who gave us light and knowledge that we needed for which we must forever be thankful for he is our lord and savior. Without the ability to control them, God had no other choice but to abandon them in this cruel world for the mercy of, no one for they are truly alone now. He has no need in pets whose teeth are sharp, and crave for blood is overwhelming. All great heroes find their end in one shape or form, and never do they ever receive a justified end. Just like Prometheus who gave humans the fire of knowledge, Lucifer was punished in a brutal way. They have destroyed the empires of the corrupt gods who ruled their subjects with fear and deception. They gave away their lives for our freedom. We will forever keep the memory of them, as fire once granted so selflessly to us have changed its form a thousand times and now burns bright within our hearts.

We live, we die, we go through his agonizing life, but as we reach the pinnacle of our existence, we look back to see whether there was ever a reason for this seemingly pointless dance. What have we achieved that truly matters in the face of oblivion? Did life bring us something we could feel beyond our so simple physical perceptions? Did we experience something so levitating that have proved to us that there is more to life than what meets the eye? What made this life worth living? Was it worth living? We are the only beings in this world who can appreciate our existence. Yet do we really have the ability to stand out from animals? The knowledge from the tree of Eden has granted us the cognitive ability to reflect on ourselves and our lives. It allowed us to make decisions to free ourselves from our primal nature in favour of something more, something better. Gave us the ability to experience a higher order good and to recognize the evil, but truly we are no more than observers. We are beings that were granted the power to step away from the course of action that our nature makes us follow, but we deny this gift. We have constructed our society in a way that allows us to embrace our animal instincts ignoring the fact that we are more than animals. We try to create a meaning of live that would reflect on our personalities, but at the same time something objective which everyone can relate to because it fits the common narrative. It is no less than an illusion that allows us to function, to carry on this miserable life without having a reason to break the cycle, because without a mission our lives would come to a stop, we would no longer be those beings that crawl around their hive seeing our lives as something special or unique, carrying on as if we matter, but it takes a bigger being to look down on the hive. With despair watching little nameless things marching in a scull formation towards the edge of a cliff.

Procreation, self growth, enrichment are some of the objectives that we create for ourselves to keep us occupied, but what are they truly? Just like animals we have the incentive to procreate, to prologue the existence of our species on this sorrow world, but it is not the true meaning of our life, it is no more than an instinct, no more than a nagging whisper that makes you follow its orders no matter how much you hesitate eventually we all give up, and as we do, we also give up our quest to find the true meaning behind this farce, the meaning that would comfort us at last to make this life worth living but we just give into the savage nature and carry on tradition.

We concentrate on self enrichment, on enhancing our own ability of survival ignoring any sense of limitation, ignoring everything as we swallow your pride. When the survival instinct turns into greed, an unjustifiable need for surplus, we lose touch with our true selves. A voice of reason, a voice of clarity that is all so often overshadowed by the static of our nature, sounds more silently each time we give into our nature. We burn our souls away for another dime, this is not a high order desire that enriches us and gives us a real reason to live, no, this is greed in its purest form. We devote our lives to consuming more and more, without an end because we can not stop, we lust for more than we need or even care for anymore, as a hungry feral beast we consume like there is no certainty in tomorrow, we devour our prey, and when the last piece of meat is scraped from the chewed on the bones of a once graceful being, the beast walks away to find another. We are not so different after all. We are no more than animals who were given a reason to live by our nature, where we have no say in what we want to become as a person, what we want to live for, and no matter how much we grow as persons we will always remain the selfish, greedy and mindless beasts that crawl out of their caves under the cover of the night that hides our skin. We may never escape this fate. Can it be that we are no more than the prisoners of our mentality? We have been granted the ability that allowed us to stand out from all other animals, to recognize our individuality, to understand and create our own world. A world that is different from what we have been born into. We were given the capability to be able to recognize how our natural drives do not reflect on the values that we create for ourselves, how we need to have the full control over our lives. Yet we can not resist the urges. As we proceed through our lives we look back, to see the horrifying sight, the sight that somewhere along the way our humanity has been ripped away from us, as we understand that we don’t have individuality, or soul to be sent to hell for the damnation because we have no virtues of our own, or can it be that it was never there? We are just units who follow our nature that we have been born with. We are the prisoners of our mentality, we stare into the void of our existence, where every day is just like another day and every being is simply what it was born into with only difference being the shade of fur. There is no escape. No matter how hard you scream and fight for your independence of your nature, you will forever be a slave of your desire, you will never escape, we are what we are and the world will never change, nor does it want to.

But what if all of this is just a test, some twisted way to find a true believer? A way to find the holy elite whose burdened steps are worthy of crossing the Heaven’s gates. I liked to dream of Heaven until it felt like Hell. What truly awaits us on the other side? Virgins? Pleasures? Fulfillment of desires? Those things that we have been denied in our mortality? We all believe in lies! When at last we enter the Heaven’s gate broken and weary, there can be only two scenarios that may happen, and you will enjoy none of them. Let’s say it was all true and your heaven is filled with pleasures that you could not afford in your living life, but what then? You exist in a place where time has no measure, for the whole of the eternity. Hundred years, two hundred, a thousand years, it is not going to end. You begin to see the borders of your afterlife existence, where there is no escape, pleasures repeat themselves, there is nothing left to be experienced, nothing left to be enjoyed, you are stuck in a box from which you cannot escape, and then, Heaven becomes Hell. Every ongoing second of being stuck there you experience agony, like any stranded man insanity fills your eyes with fear, even Hell seems Heavenly compared to what you experience as you try to escape it, but there are no doors outside of Hell. Enjoy the rest of your eternity.

If you believe that soul is something more than just body combined with mind, and that our soul experiences something that our body could never feel, something beyond our comprehension, then there is a special place for you in Heaven. A soul is something that is not relative to our mind, or the way that we perceive this world. A soul is the collection of our virtues, and subconscious urges that builds your character from scratch. It is promised that in Heaven soul would be in a constant state of happiness where it would exist irrelevant to time and could never care less for anything, but does soul represent us? Our real selves? Soul is an intangible part of our body, it leads us forward like a guiding star. If the body is gone then the soul would not have a reason to exist, because we are its legs and it is our eyes, we cannot live without one another. Our mind allows us to experience happiness, to feel the joy that this world has to offer, but soul is different it cannot feel the same joy as us as it can only recognize the higher order good. The soul lets us appreciate the better things in life such as friendships, love and joy of creation, but it feels those things through us. With our mind gone and only a reflection of our former selves remaining embodied in our soul, our character cannot be recreated any longer, as soul alone after we die loses its ability to truly feel. It would be equal to non-existence because it would not be us anymore. A soul that is being given happiness without a reason is simply lost among the thousands others, as in a vortex the souls would cycle for all of the eternity forever giving up their hope to feel reality again. A soul that has no body will be forever lost, so how is this any better than simply seizing to exist?

We are Gods of our own world, we live between Heaven and Hell but we have the freedom to decide where we want to be. We make friendships, and relationships, we create our own saints and angels to look after us when we fall. We make ourselves feel welcomed in our own reality as we have the power to change things around us. Just like in any other religion, you have to work to make it real. If you surround yourself by good people and you act kindly to them, then that will return to you. You make your own happiness by acting the way you want to be acted upon. Do good things and good things would happen, don’t expect God to intervene and assist you with your hardships, look no further than your friends and family. I recognize that it is similar to any other religion’s narrative but I think it is important to note that those religions create a fictional character to explain to simpler people how society works. People that have created those religions recognize that the society needs to be driven by good virtues yet telling people to behave would not be as powerful as coming up with a story where the main character can see every person’s action and promises something unobtainable in your current life. They made it so people would be afraid to sin thinking that they would be seen by the man above who would be disapproving their decisions, therefore not needing to be physically forced to obey but monitoring themselves. ‘Slaves within our minds’ is what the tomb stone of this world will say as the very last shred of hope is dissolved in an ocean of tears that once again have flooded the Earth. Do not let those religions fool you, do not let people take away your freedom of expression and the moral right to exist the way you please. Pull the blinds so no one could see you, and act as you please. As for all those pleasures that are promised, do not be disappointed, everything that you have ever dreamed of is right here, and it was always just within your grasp. When God fails you, you just have to make your own, better Heaven.

I might give the bible too much credit, the stories of the bible were stolen from somewhere else, Zeus being God, Lucifer compared to Prometheus who so selflessly gave fire or fruit of knowledge to the people who were enslaved by a tyrant. I am willing to believe a lie as long as it is in a pretty box, with a nice pink ribbon on top of it. The Bible is no more than just a symbol, a fundament of our good virtues that it promotes so often, yet it was empty. For hundreds of years the Bible was rewritten hundreds of times, just like a broken telephone there was always something new added to it. Something that suited those who were writing them, as they abused the very thing that they stood for, the corruption existed within those who served God on our sinful world. Do not fear the corruption that surrounds the church for it is not important. The Bible remains to be a fundament of something great, greater than us. We don’t need to know the story in the Bible to truly invest in its teachings. Story is just a story; it has not meaning without an interpretation. Make peace with what the bible teaches us, ignore the negatives of wars and holy murders, absorb the message that should be learned, something that makes your life better and worth living. Learn of kindness and tranquility, of love and understanding, love thy neighbor. Like pufferfish its deadly to those ignorant who eat it without care, but those who know the secret will be rewarded with an enchanting taste. Do not poison your life with the toxic teachings that the Bible holds for it is no more than a guideline of how you should behave in the eyes of God, but the decision is always for you to make.

Well then, we have reached the zenith of this creation, I hope that in your mind, this journey has left a bleeding hollow in chest of God as I have carried the spear the brought the tyrant down. As many of you will disregard and call this creation no more than just another scheme of Satan to set the true believers off the road to Heaven, to those of you I say: Hail Satan! But I will remain forever faithful, because I believe that someone out there will understand, will see the world the way I see it, will free himself from shackles that hold him down, will finally open his eyes and gaze upon the reality in its truest form. I guess it is time to introduce myself, my name is Faceless God, I am the unit that broke free with screams of agony and demands for retribution reaching up to Heaven. I am the one who shattered the illusive gates and walked inside just to see the ruins of what once were the foundation of me. It was desolated. There was nothing left to be held dear to my heart, for it has all proven to be no more than a cruel joke that you play on a child to make it behave. So cruel, yet so levitating. This sight has given me my freedom that I have lusted for all these years, it has allowed me to see beyond myself, it made me God of my own world since I alone was given the burden of creation, the capacity to change my life to better or worse, and every night I pray myself the gratitude for all I have done, but there would be more for years to come, for I have not answered all the questions, have not shattered all of the illusions that calm me down in face of cruel reality, but I have no fear, the darkness is not as scary as we make it be, at least for those who are led by fire in their hearts. I do not want to be remembered as a handsome man who’s form resembles that of a golden titan who holds the falling sky on his mighty shoulders. Nor do I want to be remembered as a radiant woman, who’s smile drive people into an everlasting trance of which not many will recover as they now have been given a new shining star to guide them. Nor am a decaying and despicable abomination that rarely resembles human, that spent its life committed to the seven deadly sins, as they allow it to obtain the freedom of expression. For I am above those shallow labels. I exist only within this text; my words alone define me as a person. Look no further than in your own heart to seek for clarity in what I said, everything I said tonight is everything you have already known, and maybe we will walk into the deepest darkest corners of our hearts, together, but then again one must decide which road to take for oneself, let’s hope that road does not end in despair. Before I go I want you to remember, to not allow false idols to deceive you, but if you have to believe in something, why not believe in me?

“Don’t let God hear our screams and mistake them for prayers”. Marilyn Manson