Chapter 1 Birdie, Birdie
Birdie, Birdie...
I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve caught Julian kissing someone else.
A part of me wanted to storm over and demand an explanation. Instead, I just shrank deeper into the shadows, letting the tears fall in silence.
Today is my birthday. Julian promised we would spend it together.
But, as usual, it slipped his mind.
1
Wiping my tears, I packed my things and drove to a Seattle hospital to see Chloe, my childhood best friend. She was staying in the oncology ward now. Terminal.
Just as I handed her a piece of fruit, my phone rang. I stepped out into the sterile hallway to answer it.
“You’re not home?” Julian’s voice came through the receiver. The image of that kiss—his arm wrapped securely around a stranger’s waist—flashed in my mind.
“I’m at Chloe’s. You’re not home either, are you?”
“Didn’t I promise I’d come back today?” Julian sounded annoyed, his tone clipped.
“You make promises too easily. How am I supposed to know what’s real and what’s fake anymore?”
“Abigail! Stop looking for a fight.”
I cut him off. “Do you even know what day it is today?”
“What day? Don’t tell me it’s one of our random anniversaries.”
I hung up hard. No matter how many times I heard his words, they never failed to strike with pinpoint accuracy, hitting exactly where it hurt most.
Long ago, we used to celebrate anniversaries. When we first got together, there was always something to commemorate. Thirty days, a hundred days, our one-year mark. Later, when I was desperately trying to salvage our fading romance, I’d use those dates as an excuse to ask him out, only to be met with his mockery.
Over time, I simply stopped remembering them.
But with Chloe getting sicker, it stirred a fragile sentimentality inside me. I thought, at the very least, a birthday should be spent together.
After all these years, I still remembered that kiss under the high school basketball hoop, tasting like summer grass. But time had passed, and now, that same kiss could be given to anyone.
It was dark by the time I returned to our apartment in downtown Seattle. Surprisingly, the lights were on.
“What’s the meaning of calling me back and then running off to Chloe’s?”
Julian looked impatient. I just felt exhausted. “You didn’t come back, did you?”
“Then where am I sitting right now?” His retorts always came rapid-fire.
“We got off work at the exact same time. Why was I home, but you weren’t?”
I had been Julian’s executive assistant for years. Our desks were separated by a single pane of frosted glass. On the rare occasions he was in a good mood, we’d commute home together, sharing a fleeting moment of leisure in the city traffic. During those brief windows, it felt as if we were still a couple deeply in love.
“Do you want to plant a GPS tracker on me? Watch every person I meet, everything I do, every word I say? Would that satisfy you?!” Julian stood up from the sofa and kicked the coffee table hard. The loud crash echoed through the living room—and reverberated in my chest.
I looked up at him, feeling entirely desolate. “Being louder doesn’t make you right, Julian. It just means you have a guilty conscience.”
As if he couldn’t stand the sight of me a second longer, he headed for the door. “Abigail, if you can’t stand it, then get the hell out. This is my place, not yours. Do you understand?”
“You were the one who begged me to be with you. I didn’t have to choose you.”
He slammed the door shut and walked out.
Standing in the quiet room, I suddenly missed my birthday during our senior year of high school. In the dark, our fingers timidly brushing against each other; Julian pulling a cake out from behind his back, whispering Happy Birthday.
That was my most perfect birthday. I had a cake, and I had my love.
I always remembered it was a SpongeBob-shaped cake. Sickeningly sweet.
I never ate a cake that sweet again, nor did I ever see the boy from that time again.
Perhaps because I had cried before falling asleep, my dreams took me back to the years when there were no tears.
“Zero-One, Zero-One, this is Chloe.”
I laughed and grabbed her hand. “Chloe, Chloe, this is Zero-One.”
“Question: Why does Julian still fail his exams even when you help him cheat every single time?”
“...”
Our English teacher was notorious for pop quizzes, and anyone who failed got a harsh public lecture. Coincidentally, Julian was terrible at English. Before every test, I would prepare a study guide and quietly slip it onto his desk. Chloe used to call me his “invisible fairy godmother.”
Waking up from school-day dreams made seeing Julian at work a little less infuriating.
“Assistant Abby, is Mr. Julian inside?”
It was the young social media influencer Julian had been getting cozy with recently. She was pretty and sweet, but every time I looked at her face, my chest tightened inexplicably.
Avoiding her gaze, I kept my voice professional. “He is. You can go right in.”
She smiled sweetly, thanked me, and walked in. Watching her back as she pushed open the heavy double doors, I finally remembered who she looked like.
Vanessa.
During my freshman year of college, Julian and I were long-distance. Though we called every day, there were times he’d go off the grid. When you’re young, you charge forward recklessly. I sat on a train for over ten hours just to see him in Seattle.
Just one glance. I ran straight into Vanessa walking out of his apartment building. Wavy hair, a slender waist. A certified beauty.
My heart sank, but I tried to deceive myself. So many people lived in that building; it had to be a coincidence.
But she stopped me. “Abigail, you’re Abigail, right?”
The air around me froze. “You are...”
“Hi, I’m Vanessa. I’ve heard so much about you... from Julian.”
I would always remember that exact moment. It felt like someone had punched me hard in the chest. A raw, blinding pain.
She smiled. “What a coincidence.”
My world collapsed.
“Assistant Abby, Mr. Julian is calling for you.”
The influencer tapped on my desk, pulling me back from the memory.
I forced a smile, saw her out, and walked into Julian’s office. He was unwrapping a delicate, beautifully packaged box.
“Want to try one?” He casually handed me a piece. It was chocolate.
“Don’t you... hate chocolate?”
He paused for a second before saying, “Once in a while is fine. Besides, it’s a sweet gesture from the girl. Be a shame to throw it away.”
I froze in place, his words echoing in my mind.So he did know. He knew how rare it was to offer someone your heart. He knew that someone else’s sincere gesture shouldn’t be wasted.
Yet, I remembered his birthday years ago. I had carefully prepared handmade chocolates and nervously handed them to him, full of hope that he would taste them.
He had just unwrapped the box, glanced at it, and asked the room, “Anyone want chocolate?”
He casually brushed his finger against my cheek and said, “I’m not a big fan. Don’t waste it, you eat it.”
Stiffly, I had taken the box back. On the walk home, I threw it into the nearest trash can.
Feelings that aren’t valued are destined to be thrown away like garbage.
“Abigail!” Julian calling my name snapped me back to reality.
“Hmm?”
“You’ve been distracted lately.”
I stayed silent.
He tapped his fingers on his mahogany desk. “There’s a new movie out. I’ll take you to see it.”
Compensation?
I bit my lip. “Which showing?”
This cowardly, desperate love of mine made me despise myself.
When I went to see Chloe that evening, I caught her arguing with Silas again. She was mocking him relentlessly, while he just stood there and took it silently.
“Birdie! Hurry! Come back me up!”
But the moment he saw me, Silas stood up and walked out. As he passed me, he muttered, “Don’t let her eat things she’s not supposed to.”
I glared at his retreating back and walked over. “Angry again, Chloe? Being mad is bad for your health!”
She puffed her cheeks. “I can’t control it. It’s so annoying!”
“Take it out on him then. He won’t talk back anyway. Doesn’t that make you feel a bit better?”
Chloe rolled her big eyes at me, a vindictive gleam in them. “Did you know Julian is getting married?”
The fruit knife in my hand slipped. A long gash appeared on my finger, but the pain only registered once the blood started to spread over my skin.
“Birdie!”
Chloe frantically pressed the call button, bringing nurses rushing in to bandage me up.
Once I was finally patched up and seated, Chloe didn’t dare let me touch the knife again. She patted her chest, trying to calm her own nerves, while I sat beside her in a daze.
“You really didn’t know...” she said, looking incredibly guilty.
I smiled to comfort her. “What difference does it make if I know or not?”
Her eyes kept darting to my bandaged hand. “A huge difference. I wouldn’t have said anything if I knew.”
After calming her down, I walked back through the damp Seattle night. Looking up at the dark window of my apartment, I couldn’t help but wonder:
Where was Julian right now? Was he with his fiancée? The influencer? Or some other girl?
Regardless, he wasn’t by my side.
