What do I live for?

Jace

Trapped in a place where I have no knowledge of who I am and where I came from. My mind is shifting trying to figure out what my existence really means. As I lay awake in the room that I’ve been seeing for 3 years now. I feel exhausted. It’s been 3 years since my life fell apart. I haven’t left this place to go anywhere around the city. He keeps me locked up like a dog and not a human. He lets me do stuff that I never thought I’d do or experience. Especially sexually. My life has been nothing but darkness and sorrow. I’ve never had a normal life. Even if I try to be normal. He kills my spirit. I can’t help but to feel trapped. Trapped because of who I am, who I’m forced to be and what I became to be. All I know is that no one cares and no one will ever. It’s not like it’s a need for someone to care because I’m already dead inside.

Friday night is just like any other nights. It’s 3 in the afternoon. He is out at work and I’m all alone in this mansion. With the little sanity I have left I finally came out of my room. After a week. As I walk into the kitchen everything is quiet. But that’s what I’m used to in my room. Now that’s where I belong. My room is my save haven. The kitchen is neatly clean. My mind is set on some waffles and juice. It isn’t my choice to ever walk around in the house, sit in the living room watching television or eating at the table. As the waffles bake, I switch on the television. After 10 minutes my late lunch is ready, so I sit at the kitchen island. Thinking about my life. I used to be so happy. Such a good person a free spirit. Until Mike happened.

I’ve been living with him for 3 years now. He never takes me out or anything. And that is just wrong. I know I don’t know much about the city. But come on. I can at least see my surroundings. It’s not like I want to go somewhere. I was 15 years old when he bought me from a traffic camp. Before that I was a happy boy from a small town far from the city. It was called New Dante town. It wasn’t a big place, but it was filled with love. Everyone knew each other and cared for one another. My parents were good people, and they thought me a lot of good things. They named me Jace, because somehow, I was as brave as a character on the series Shadow ’hunters. Whose name was also Jace. Never actually saw the series or movie. I have silky blond hair, baby blue eyes, white pale skin. Which got paler for the few years. Haven’t exactly had a real suntan. And a smile to die for. I had a very beautiful relationship with my parents. We did everything together and could talk about anything. My dad worked as a medical doctor, a very good one at that. While my mother was a stay-at-home housewife. But she worked online. As an advisor. Since I was born my dad wanted her to also relax and look after us. Life with them was so perfect until my worst nightmare came true. I never thought I’d see the day when my parents would leave me so soon.“Now Jacey, clean your room before you step out of it.” My mom’s voice egos down the hall of our house. Her name was Johanna. She was called after her grandmother who passed when she was 18years old. My mother had the sweetest voice ever. Although I dreaded getting up in the morning. Her voice made my day. My mother was Spanish while my dad was an American. They moved from the United States to my mother’s place of birth. New Dante. She wanted to be close to her family.

While daydreaming I totally forgot about my lunch. It’s probably cold by now. I can’t exactly say it’s a daydream. It’s my past truth. Flashbacks of my once happy life. I did have a family and yes, they loved me. Time flew by so fast. It was already passed six and Mike was on his way home. I don’t want him to see me in the living room, so I washed my dishes quickly and head to my room. People think that Mike is such a good person. But he’s a very ruthless and reckless person. We’ve been living together for three years now, and he still treats me like a slave. He bought me so I’m his belonging. I don’t think i would’ve been here if my fellow villager didn’t betray me.

While we were still at that camp together. He told the leader Dominique that I was gay. He was jealous because they didn’t give me a hard time. they said I look soft and innocent. It’s not like I did nothing. I also labored like them. Dominique was a bad homophobic person. When I think about what he made me go through because he felt disgust towards me.

The front door downstairs opens and closes again. Which means Mike is home. The way he slams the door means he’s not in a very good mood. I fear for my life because he has a habit of taking his stress out on me, “Of fuck, he’s coming to my room. Should I pretend to sleep or just stay awake,” I thought to myself. Before I could even decide. My door bursts open revealing my enemy. Mike looks very tired and worn out. “I see you’ve been waiting for me little Jacey. Come and give your man a kiss,” Mike smirks. He is so arrogant sometimes. I look at him in complete shock because he really looks different like he had a really bad run in. I was in deep thought I didn’t even realize he came to sit next to me. “I said give me a fucking kiss,” he says slapping me out of my daze. My face burned and i bet its strawberry red. I have very sensitive skin and he knows that. A tear escapes my eyes from the pain. He kisses me with so much force not caring if I’m hurt or crying. I just lay still as he do to me what he always does. Whenever he’s in a bad mood. Throw me against the bed. Tear my clothes from my body as well as his. And slams inside of me with his fair size. While thrusting inside of me. I’m used to his size. Every time we do it, it’s like the first time, but I’ve forbade myself to moan. This is not what I want or how I wanted it. It does hurt because he’s very rough but there’s no emotion. I know Mike doesn’t love me. He just uses what he paid for. Mike knows my worse fear, so he always tortures me with it. After seeing so many blood my life changed for the worst. Mike shakes on top of me as he fills me with his cum. “That was amazing my sweet Jacey, you are so fucking good and tight,” he praises me. I was also out of breath from the heat he gave me. Walking to the shower together Mike’s hand was around my waist. We’ve been together so long and he’s the only one I’ve been having sex with. But I just can’t seem to fall in love with him. I’ve known him since i was 16 years old. I can say that I somehow like Mike. He’s 27 years old while I’m 19 years old. I call our intercourse sex. To me it’s not love making because there’s no love. “From tomorrow you may go outside but you know what will happen if you disobey me.” Mike’s words before he fell asleep. My heart was hammering in my chest. I couldn’t believe my ears. I don’t want to get my hopes up. So, I just fell asleep.