chapter 1
Chapter one
Here I sit thinking what have I done. I’m in the middle of who knows where, tears streaming down my face at what I had just seen, or thought I had seen. But I can’t be sure. How can I be this upset over something I’ve yet to figure out? So I sit puffy eyes, throbbing chest from tears that have yet to be shed. What to do? I don’t even know the answer to that.
Just a few hours ago I was on my way back from Amy’s place from a weekend out with the girls doing all the girly stuff you could imagine. Just to walk into the house that I share with the man who makes my world just rock. Yes, that would be my current boyfriend, James. He’s tall, strong and well cut in all the right ways that drive women nuts when he doesn’t have his shirt on. And oh the tattoos he’s got can make you dripping wet just from the look of them.
I enter the house and it’s unusually quiet downstairs just barely noise from the TV, which is turned down lower than normal. But yet I hear muffled voices upstairs that I don’t recognize as any of our friends. There is the strange sound of female voices. I slowly head up the stairs and hoping that it’s not what I fear the most. Slowly I open the door to our room and what to my amazement it’s not just one girl I see but three of them all swarming James. There not even aware that I’m there looking at them. My mouth falls open and just as James looks up between the red heads legs that I have no idea what he’s doing. Ok yes, I can figure out exactly what he was doing. James startles and then begins to try and scamper up covering his bare self.
“Ummmm I didn’t hear you come in Sarah,” James barely stammers out, embarrassed how he was found. Well I hope he’s embarrassed.
I’m furious I can’t even begin to start to form words. Words that should be said but all that comes from me is “you damn fucking bastard, how could you in our home... in our bed no less.”
Turning with tears as sharp as shards of glass, I head back downstairs and out the front door to the car. James barely able to follow me as the 3 girls are clinging to him begs for him not to go. “Sarah wait, I can explain,” but I am barely able to hear him as I make my way back to my car. The only feeling I have is I need to get out of here
Nothing can even begin to start to explain how I feel about how James has fucked up for the last time. Just as I reach the car door, James appears at the door struggling to get his pants on, stepping just barely out the door barefoot. I turn to him and look at him trying to remain calm and not letting him see that he hurt me and I mean tore my heart out. Hurting me. I want to throw his stuff out on the front lawn of our townhouse and burn everything that is James, like cleansing myself of him. I look straight at him, barely able to hold the tears any longer as I speak.
“James you fucking heartless bastard get your whores or play things out of my house and make sure you take your fucking ass with them! I’m done I can’t be with someone like you anymore. This is the last time that you fuck up.”
Then, shaking like a leaf I get in the car, barely able to see now with the streams of tears in my eyes.... Closing the door and locking it so James can’t yank at it, to get it open. I can see James running to my door, yelling what I can’t hear because of the throbbing of the blood in my ears drowning out the sounds. Only to be startled as he begins violently banging on the glass, “Sarah baby unlock the door please baby let’s talk.”
I’m now crying so hard I barely register what happens next. I turn the key to start the car. James is continuing to bang on the window calling me, begging me to turn the car off. I just barely crack the window so he can hear me through my sobs. ”James fuck off, leave me alone, I’m done.” I put the car in drive and begin to slowly drive away hoping that I don’t hit anything as I can barely see through the tears. James is now running his hands though his scruffy dark blonde hair, realizing that I’m driving away from him.
Not even registering him in my rear-view mirror, I take my phone out of my pocket, toss it on the seat beside me and turn up the stereo as loud as it goes, just as ’crazy bitch’ begins to play.
I can see my phone as I drive come to life, lighting up saying I’ve got a call. Barely making a sound as I get text messages too. And before I know it, my voicemail is full and it’s all but dying.
I’ve been driving for a bit now, I’ve left the city and am out in the countryside. Looking at the fields of wheat and barley, I keep driving till I come upon a giant tree. It is so full of dark green leaves. I pull over to the side of the road. Put the car in park and just sit there for a few minutes. I glance through puffy eyes at my nearly dead cell phone seeing that I have a full inbox of voice messages and 12 missed calls, and nearly 2 dozen text messages.
I finally manage to get out of the car, leaving the phone there on the seat. Closing the door, I make sure I have my keys at least and walk towards the tree in the tall grass. I make it over the fence and through the grass to the trunk of the strong tree. I sit barely able to see the car over the grass and continue to sob, wondering how James could do that to me, to us. Was there something I missed? Was there something I wasn’t doing that made him act out like that? But why three girls? Why?
After finding the courage to face what I saw when I came home, I gather myself together, just now noticing that it has gotten dark. Though the stars look nice and I would rather look at them in the dark sky, I stand to make my way back out to my car and settle behind the wheel. Still thinking if it is a good idea to go back confront James? Running on automatic I start the car.
Do I really want to know the answers that are about to come to me? Well, the only way I can is to actually go and try to talk with him. Even though I know it’s just going to leave me asking more questions rather than with the answers, I’m looking for.
I begin the drive back to the house, unsure what I’m going to walk into this time.
