Chapter 1
“God damn it!” I shout, throwing my controller across the room. “You were right fucking there! Why didn’t you shoot them?”
“I’m sorry,” My friend said over the headset. “I was distracted, my girl just texted me.”
“My girl just texted me,” I mock. “And what did she say? Probably nothing important. Did she send a nude?”
“Nope, she just told me she had a rough day and asked if I wanted to call. I think I’m gonna do this last round then hop off.”
“We’re in the middle of a tournament!” I shout.
“Yeah but you can play without me. You’re pretty good, I’d say.”
“So you’re gonna call her over me?”
“Um, yeah? Dude you know I’m planning to marry her.”
“You know I’m planning to marry her,” I mock again. “You know these types of relationships don’t last, right? You’re never gonna make it.”
“Alright, dude. I’ma get off now.”
“No! We have one more round!”
“I’ll pass. I’ll see you around,” His mic goes off and I’m left alone in the lobby.
“Bro!” I scream, punching my monitor. “You piece of fucking shit!”
“Hey!” My dad yells, standing at the top of the stairs. “What is going on down here? You sound like a teenager. Did you lose your game? Whatever it is, it’s really not that deep.”
“It is!” I shout back. “You wouldn’t fucking get it because all you do is look at sales all day.”
“Mylo,” Dad warns. “What is going on?”
“Devin just left. His girlfriend wants to talk,” I say mockingly. “She had a rough day.”
“Well it is 2 AM. She might’ve had a rough day that’s keeping her up. Sometimes people need their partners to calm them down.”
“Well maybe she should grow up.”
“You don’t know her, you can’t judge her. Quiet down, okay?”
“Fine,” I turn back to the game, the lobby empty except for my character decked out in armor to protect myself from the opposing team.
“Fucking Devin.” I mutter under my breath. I feel like he’s always talking to that stupid fucking girl. All she does is call him and harass him.
He gets distracted by her texts and he cancels a lot of our plans to hang out with her. She doesn’t even send nudes, what good is that? It’s my understanding she was studying to be a lawyer or something- Devin was much younger than me, only in his late twenties.
I was thirty-three and didn’t go to college- it was stupid. I didn’t even graduate high school, choosing not to go in and take my final exams because who needs a paper to tell you you’re smart?
I’m educated in game lore and strategy. I know a lot about different games and I am fascinated by the lore that comes with it. I look at the clock.
It is late, I should probably head to bed. I check to see if any of my night owl friends are active but none of them are. They all have night jobs- one works as a police dispatcher and another does stock overnight at a grocery store.
I sigh and log off, laying on the couch they put in the basement for me. I was living with my parents because the apartment I had with a friend went sour.
I guess I “didn’t pay half the rent” and I “couldn’t keep the place clean” and I “didn’t shower frequently enough” but in all reality I showered every few days.
I just don’t think you should shower if you’re not dirty because what’s the point? I closed my eyes, thinking about what I would do tomorrow. Probably not much. I didn’t really do a lot with myself.
Maybe Devin would be on again tomorrow, unless he had work. I would be pissed if he did because he owes me at least three games since he abandoned me during the tournament tonight.
I fell asleep, waking again a few hours later to the toilet flushing. The bathroom is right above my room so I can hear every single flush and turning on of the faucet. It was probably Dad, awake and getting ready for work.
My mom would also be awake, honestly the bathroom user could’ve been her. She likes to get up and make him breakfast and pack a lunch every day. It’s rather embarrassing but it makes them happy and I don’t have to witness it.
I put my pillow over my face as I hear the toilet flush a second time. The other parent. Thankfully I don’t have any siblings who wake up early to go to school. I was the only kid and they were upset that I never finished high school.
Dad said I should go to college and get a degree to get a good job or at least get my GED but if I’m not trying to get a job any kind of degree doesn’t matter.
I can hear muffled footsteps as they shuffle around getting ready for the day. I personally try not to get up too early, I like to wake up around noon. Mom prepares breakfast for her and Dad but she will sometimes make enough for leftovers so I can have something good when I wake up.
I shut my eyes, trying to fall back asleep as I hear the front door shut- Dad is finally leaving for work. I don’t understand how they’ve been married for so long. There’s not really any kind of attraction between them anymore and they don’t have a kid keeping them together- I’m grown. Maybe they really do love each other but I don’t think so because love isn’t real.
If it was, I would’ve found it before now. Mom and Dad met in high school and dated for the longest time, then Dad finally grew a pair and proposed. They planned their wedding, found out they were pregnant with me weeks before the wedding, and then began planning their announcement.
Everyone thought it was too soon- including my grandparents- considering they were still young and thought they should travel or do something with themselves first.
Dad worked hard- long days and long nights- in order to provide for us while he got his degree. Mom always offered to help and try to get some kind of minimum wage job serving tables or doing hair- she had graduated as some kind of cosmetologist and she could work in the actual work force now.
Dad insisted she stay home with me because I needed one of my parents there for me at all times. Eventually he got his degree and he got a better, more paying job. I was too young to remember literally any of this but I know we moved.
Sometimes Mom would reminisce about the spot we moved from, saying it was a beautiful place with wonderful people and telling me I would’ve loved it. I always ask why we moved then and she tells me it’s because we made good money here. Dad was given a better offer here and they knew the extra money would come in handy- especially with his student loan payments dragging us down.
In high school I had dated around at most- I never slept with anyone. I think the most a girl has done was given me a handjob. It wasn’t the best feeling in the world like most guys swore it could be but it was a lot better than my own hand.
After I had ejaculated the girl was grossed out by where it had landed. It had gotten on her instead of the towel I was holding in an attempt to catch it and she stormed out of the room and left.
Mom had tried asking me about it but I was in the shower and now in a bad mood. What do you mean you’re mad my cum got all over you instead of the towel I obviously couldn’t hold still? I was literally shaking- it’s her fault! She could’ve stopped then nothing would’ve come out but whatever.
After that I didn’t bother trying to date around because girls were turned off by the fact that I was being pleased. It was really all about them so I stopped trying. I never fingered the girl who gave me a handjob, I’m sure that gives her another reason to talk shit about me.
I had a few rumors go around at school about me but I couldn’t care less. They would always choose the girl anyway, I was just the fat kid with curly hair and freckles. My word meant literally nothing but whatever.
After a few restless hours, I finally went upstairs to get something to eat and my mom gasped in horror. “Mylo, where are your clothes?”
In the heat of the night I had undressed for bed, lounging around in my underwear. I imagine it was probably a little traumatizing for my mom to see her adult son in his underwear.
“My bad,” I say, going to the fridge and looking at the drink options. Beer, but I’m not a day drinker. Orange juice, but it’s two o’clock in the afternoon. Milk? Milk is questionable period, but maybe a sip or two would do.
I unscrewed the cap and drank a few gulps and Mom yelled. “Mylo! That is disgusting, don’t drink from the gallon. That is so rude and inconsiderate. You can just have that then.”
I shrug, tossing it back into the fridge. I wouldn’t finish it before it spoiled so if she wanted to waste milk that’s on her. “What are you doing today?”
“I cleaned most of the morning, so I think I’m going to lie down and watch some TV to relax. What are you doing today?”
“Video games. I’m asking Devin if he wants to play later. I could use my laundry getting done too.”
“You know where the washer and dryer is.”
“Yeah but I don’t know where the stuff is for it.”
“On the shelf beside the washer and dryer. Everything is right there for you.”
“Eh, but you do it better.”
“Well, if you want me to do it you’ll have to wait until I’m back on the clock.”
“I didn’t know there was a clock,” I snapped. “You’re my mom, you should do my laundry.”
“I’m your mom which means I should support you and not do everything for you just because you say so.” She retorts. “I’m going to spend my day relaxing, I always do all the cleaning and stuff around here so I’m taking a break.”
“That’s your fault then.” I sigh. “I’ll just linger some more in my underwear until I have some clean clothes. Matter of fact, this underwear could probably use a good wash too.”
“God damnit, Mylo,” Mom snaps. “I’ll do your fucking laundry. Just put it in the basket.”
“No, no,” I play dramatic. “No need, I’ll just do it myself. Eventually.”
“Mylo,”
“Well if you insist,” I head back downstairs to my room, a smug smirk on my face. “Weaponized incompetence” is what the women call it. I think it’s just me doing my work as a man.
It’s not my job to do laundry or cook or clean. I’m a man. My job is to play video games and watch TV. I don’t do anything with my life- it’s not my job. My dad is an accountant of some sort and my mom is also lazy. All she does is keep the house clean and make dinner- the jobs of a woman.
I go downstairs and throw some of my clothes on the floor into my basket. I set it next to the washer and dryer and wait for Mom to come downstairs.
She comes downstairs in a robe, shoving my clothes into the washer and putting in the beads and detergent. She sighs, turning to me. “When this is done, just put them in the dryer with a dryer sheet. Then you just hit start, the settings are already ready for you.”
“’Kay.” I say, turning my TV on and loading into the game. Devin was active in the lobby and I requested to join his party.
“Do you have something you wanna say?” He asks. Someone else was in his party but they were muted.
“Wanna party up and play in the other tournament that’s going on right now?”
“That’s not necessarily what I was thinking.”
“What do you want me to say, then? I wanna fuck you?”
“Well if you do that’s your problem. I’m not interested and you’re too old for me. Anyway, I was hoping you’d mention what happened last night.”
Not him acting like we hooked up.
“What happened?”
“The way you spoke about my girl.”
“She’ll never hear what I have to say about her.”
“Maybe not but I do and I don’t wanna hear that shit about her. She’s never done anything to you, you’ve never met her and you most likely never will, and she doesn’t say awful things about you.”
“Whatever, it doesn’t stop her from being dumb and clingy. She’s just some stupid slut I don’t know why you think you’re marrying her. Let alone having kids with her.”
“Well, dude, that’s where you’re wrong. I’ve been waiting to tell you that we’re officially in this forever: we’re pregnant.”
“You got that hoe pregnant?!” I screech. “Devin, now you’re baby-trapped.”
“I’m not. She wanted one because she’s almost done with school and I wanted one because I think I’m ready. It took a little while for me to feel like I was mature enough and ready but I am now. I’ve been working towards this for quite some time so I’m prepared.”
“You’re gonna have an ugly ass bitch baby.” I snap.
“Hey!” The other person cuts in, a girl. “There’s no need to talk about me like that. I’ve never done anything to you.”
Oh shit. It was his girl.
“My bad,” I say. “I was just kidding. Devin knows I’m fucking around, right?”
“Not really, no.”
“What? Dude you know my sense of humor, you’ve known me for a while now!”
“A while as in a year, maybe.”
“Look, I’m sorry my jokes are offensive, I’ll stop making any kind of jokes about you guys period. No baby jokes, no girlfriend jokes, no jokes period. I won’t talk about you guys. Can we play now?”
“No, I don’t want to play with you anymore,” Devin says. “I don’t want someone like you in my life seeding hate into my ears. I love her and we’re not doing this anymore. See ya around, Mylo.” With that he kicked me out of his party and I sat in my own lobby alone.
A few of my other friends were online but I wanted to play with Devin. He was cool and he was good, he was probably one of the best gamers I had stumbled across. He had a good strategy and he liked to think his plans through before ambushing.
I checked my friends list, he was quick to delete me and remove me. What the hell.
