A Brief Description of Life
“So, this is how I leave…I’m returning to the place I barely escaped from. I’m going back to the place I once ran away from… yet somehow, I’m returning.”
“Why?”
“To exhaust the last of my strength, to disappear and fade away. To go somewhere I might finally find where I belong. Funny, isn’t it? Find my place?...”
Every relationship in my life simply vanished, collapsed as if it had never existed. The bond between mother and child fell apart. The bond between father and child shattered. The connection between sisters was broken. Friendships ended. Acquaintances disappeared. Everything simply faded away.
“There will be brighter days ahead.”
“There will also be dark days—days that destroy us until eventually everything disappears. We become nothing more than memories, memories that will soon be forgotten. The minutes, seconds, hours, days, and years we spent together will vanish, leaving nothing behind. Even the pain that once consumed us will cease to exist. People will think about us, they will cry… but only temporarily. Everything passes. Everything disappears as though it never existed at all.”
“Because life goes on.”
“Yes… but nothing changes for me. For me, nothing continues except the feeling that one day everything ends. And everything that belongs to me will end with me. I will become a cold, heartless, emotionless, lifeless being whom everyone will soon forget.
That process has already begun, and stopping it feels impossible.
I wish people knew how I truly feel. How mentally and emotionally sick I really am. But then something happens—something that stops me, forces me to think, pulls me back to reality. Yet even that is temporary. Afterward, everything starts all over again.”
“And still… where does all this pain come from? All this loneliness ?Why does the desire for death exist alongside life itself? Why? For what? And until when?”
“Because we are human.”
“And that’s it?”
“Yes. That is the answer to every question. We are human beings—creatures capable of feeling pain, happiness, love, envy, hatred… and often emotions we cannot even explain ourselves.
That is exactly what happened to me.
Everything started suddenly. It piled up, grew heavier and heavier, until eventually it brought me here.
I dream of going somewhere where no one exists. A place where nobody expects anything from me. A place where I can finally be alone.”
“Why loneliness? Loneliness is no different from hell. When there’s not even a single person beside you to answer your voice… isn’t that terrifying?”
“No one truly knows what hell is. Everyone speaks of it as though they’ve seen it with their own eyes, but what really is hell? Who can answer that question? No one. Because hell is different for everyone.
My hell is life itself—filled with unanswered questions, disordered thoughts, desires, and priorities. My hell is smiling falsely when I’m happy, screaming when I’m angry, crying when I’m drowning in sadness… all because I desperately want someone to notice that I need help. But there is no one there to save me.”
“With this introduction, perhaps you’ve already come to know me. This is who I am. A person who lived meaninglessly, existed meaninglessly, and died meaninglessly. And somehow, managed to fit everything into this tiny book—one that only ever mattered to me.”
