Welcome To Hell
Welcome to hell.... I am zara i don't know why even i bother to tell my story there is nothing special character in my story. I am just ordinary girl who find light in the dark , hope in hopeless life but the stab in my back need to be seen in order to heal the wound that's why i am telling my story....
Let's begin with journey---
Childhood is a beautiful memory for everybody , every adult wants to be child at some point to get rid from their responsibility ,to feel the innocence but there is always a exception like all the stars can't shine in the light , all birds can fly live their freedom but penguin can't fly just like that my childhood was an exception i..i... don't even want to remember my childhood .Childhood was traumatic still i got nightmares every night . Everyone may sleep at night but i am awake to see the pain from my naked eyes even thinking about it is like stabbed in the back even i can't able to find appropriate words to express the feeling..
How can i explain the feelings?
How can i explain the stab how... i can put it into finite words?
How can i explain late night shivering when i try to sleep?
" Fear " I feel fear . Fear of night , fear of hope , fear of life that i need to live it even the glimpses of the past is enough to ignite every dark emotion in me . It's the past i don't want to think about still end up thinking every day , every night , every minute ,every second . Do you know the feeling ? The TRUST its like at last it's not the darkness that consume me but the light of those i trusted . My past is not too good either i can't say my present is good enough to live but still let's move to present How i am doing???
I live with my family. My ma- she is the ocean of love always find a hope in a darkest story , always be there for me whenever needed still not able to recognize her daughter.
My pa- He is my mirror , my reality whenever i face him i feel i am facing all the thoughts ,trauma , fear i buried for night . Except my father no one know Who i am? What i am? Which phase i gone through in my past ? How i feel near to death when i got nightmares every night? He is my biggest supporter , my strength ,my hope without him i am not able to survive this long...
My chhotu- He is my little brother. He is now 12 not aware of the world , not aware of any trauma , not aware of any fear his childhood just like my imagination simple, fairy tails like i said there is a exception like me but he is not an exception. I love him so much of course because he is my brother but also because he is innocent he is living my every imagination . My every imagination is his reality.
They all are the best thing happend to me . They are the light in my dark lifelong nightmares but still not able to pull me through this dark deep valley. They love me even if i push them away.
How funny isn't it? Its easy to live with people who don't know anything about me but it's hard to live with people who knows everyting about you..Let it be. Let's move forward I am teenage student who live in california with my family i introduced.I just got accepted in new york most prestigious university "The Global".Of course my family is super happy but i know the sadness behind their smiley face mask because i am leaving for new york tomorrow..
Zou zou.... zouuuuuuuuuuu wake up ma said in most anxious voice , yes maa i woke up nearly 30 minutes ago . I know zou i know you wake up nearly 2-3 hours ago what a joke!! Wake up otherwise you are not getting your breakfast don't you know you are leaving tomorrow for the newyork and you don't even packed up things your pa,your ma , your chhotu take a leave for today and tomorrow for you and you are still sleeping wake up beauty sleep.pa said : Let her sleep emma don't you dare to scold my princess .She is leaving tomorrow and you are not getting chance to wake her up again ... Everything went silent my ma wipe her tear immediately failing down her cheek , my chhotu stop eating breakfast , my pa sat their in silence i know the silence what it is so i break it by my uneven dialog. okay ma your order is my wish see i wake up . ma said: good good too good... come for breakfast hurry up . I go to downstair and sat for breakfast all the breakfast was my favourite. Chhotu said: didi it's not fair .ma only make dishesh you like there is not a single dish i like ma loves you more not mee . ma said: Ohh my god just shut up you all and eat breakfast . Morning passes afternoon begins nothing eventful happend mostly our family is chaotic but that day everyone is silence we packed my things everyone was helping me to pack my things. At night everyone eat dinner in the same silence that was slowly consuming me finally the night came everyone fall a sleep of course except me... You may think what trauma ,what fear your last scene was really a happy family moment but that was just an illusion for my ma and chhotu that her zou is fine she is sweet , bubbly girl just like every teen age girl she don't know that she don't have to wake me up because i am awake all night does't matter where i go they still follows me like a shadow still for showing bubbly girl image to my ma i do not open my eyes until i hear my ma's sweet voice zou. Next day the day of new chapter of my book i was going to write it takes longer than i thought.
Zou ,zouu your flight is going to miss wake up. eventually i just can't bear the voice hence i eventually open my eyes slowly slowly and said yes ma i am wake up near by 30 minutes ago this time like always she did not scold me or anything she just smiled and said fresh up fast i am going to book a cap for airport. I said, okay . Everyone was waiting for cap including me outside the house ,cap arrived everyone sit in silence finally i was so close to my destination to the airport. Flight was taking off after 30minutes before going i hug ma,pa specially my chhotu i give him a tight hug he said: didi please when you came bring lots of chocolates for me and don't forget my favourite candy "C-corn" from new york i said :okay . Ma said: Don't forget to call us daily and whenever get a vacation visit us if there is any problem just say a word and we will be there . she was struggling to not to cry but her eyes deceived her and tears come out of her eyes i hug her and said how can i forger the most beautiful and precious god gift of my life .Pa said : Listen when you get their first meet principle she will handover schedule to you and details of hostel. Take good care of yourself , Don't fear for anything i know you have potential you are not less that anyone okayy . I said : yes ma and pa i know you love me so much we hug one last time i was not crying tears were betraying me that day because i know i was going really close to my destination hence my eyes refuse to cry refuse to feel sadness finally i moved to take a flight leaving ma, pa,chhotu for the first time i still know the look pa was scared for me , ma was worried, chhotu was excited for me and giving this last expression of everyone i take the flight for may destination it will be my beginning or beginning of the end..............
