Cabin Fever

“Hey, I don’t think this is the right way.” I tell my trail heads.

“It’s a shortcut, relax.” Asher says, his lime green parka in sharp relief to the rocky dirt surroundings. Asher and his brother, Berk are my guides.

I’d always dreamed of hiking in Alaska. When I heard that the state was asking experienced hikers to help do feasibility checks on the Alaskan Long Trail, I volunteered to do an Early-Mid Fall run of it. It’s not like I have anything better to do.

I’m unemployed, my fiance left me, my dog died. I have nothing for me in Seattle, or Vancouver, thank you mom for the dual citizenship.

So I volunteered, and I hired out the brothers, they had great reviews on Trip Advisor, to be my guides over the Alaska mountains. With its route still mostly unmarked, the Alaska Long Trail is basically map-read only, and a hard fucking hike. I also didn’t want to do the hardest stretch of it alone, for fear of injury. I do have a GPS tracker, and emergency pinger, for the State to read where I’m going, and in case I get injured or attacked by a polar bear. I’m as close to trail-breaking as I can get without actually doing it. Civilization is 15 miles away, on the south side of the Ridge, the tiny little town of Cantwell.

“I’m fuckin’ tired of her bullshit, Ash. I say we tie her up and drag her to the snowmobiles. It’s only a mile.” Berk says, and it takes me a second to register what he’s said.

Ash chuckles, “I agree.”

Berk is behind me, Ash is in front of me, so I take off sprinting to the east. I don’t get far before Berk is on me, grabbing me in a bear hug while Ash grabs my kicking legs, “Let me go!”

“Pretty thing like you? Nah, you’re gonna keep us company over the winter.” Ash says, he catches my feet and ties them together, while Berk holds me. He ties my hands next, then I’m dropped to the snowy ground.

For the next hour, the drag me along the ground with Berk, the bigger of the two brothers, occasionally hauling me up to lift me over rough terrain. It’s all snow-covered, because we’re in Alaska in October and at a decently high elevation. I’m gonna be honest, I didn’t expect them to do this. Sure they’d been passing me looks since Denali Park, but they had such good reviews!

This is what I get for doing something for myself. I get yoinked by poachers! The first time in years, because I spent the last 6 being Andrew’s Mental Health Punching Bag while he did law school. Imagine being a paralegal, getting your fiance a job at your firm, and then he gets you fired before dumping you and dating the 22 year old receptionist that he was cheating with. That was after I supported him though three years of Law School plus articling! A seven year relationship down the drain because you’re “not exciting anymore” and you “don’t have a personality”.

So I said fuck him, I moved out, wouldn’t be too hard to find another job! Paralegals are always in high demand! Oh, guess what? My beloved pit bull, Henry, my rescue velvet hippo who I rehabbed over 3 years, got cancer and died.

Within three months of my Fiance dumping me.

So I said fuck it, I’ve got savings, I’m gonna leave the Pacific Northwest and I’m going to do my dream hike in Alaska! Even better, they need Distance Hikers for their new trail! The state of Alaska will supply all your gear and pay for everything! The opportunity of a lifetime for serious hikers, like me! I’d always, always, always, since I was 6 years old and my dad took me on the loop around Vancouver’s Stanley Park, wanted to hike Alaska. It was what we were always going to do together, till he died when I was 16 and left me with my mother.

As I’m being dragged along the snowy ground, I realize that all reviews for the Parney Brother’s Trail Heading were from couples, or men. No single women. I panic for a while, because I’m being fucking kidnapped, but after that half hour of terror ends, I realize that nearly pissing myself is not going to do me any good. Now, I’m just chilling uncomfortably as the brothers drag me along the ground like a sled.

“Are you gonna kill me?” I ask, because I’m certain they are.

Ash snorts, “Course we are, in the spring.”

Berk chimes in, “We need someone to keep us busy in the winter.”

“So this is what you do? You wait for pretty young hikers to hire you as trail guides then kidnap them and use them as a fuck-slave before you kill them?” I screech, there’s no real point in yelling though, there’s nobody around but us.

“No, this is the first time we’ve done it.” Ash says.

“Yeah, we’ve never had the opportunity before. This year, we got lucky. We’ve always wanted to, though.” Berk adds, “Got the plan all worked out, and it’s gone perfectly, pretty much.”

I yelp when I pass over a rock, feel it tear through my parka, “So what are you, poachers?”

“Great guess, she’s a smart one, Ash.” Berk says, “I like ruining smart, pretty girls like you.”

“Okay, I’m using her first you big freak, don’t want her too stretched out. And yeah, among other things, we’re poachers.”

“She’s gonna get fucked up no matter what, but I’m a patient man Ash.”

Berk hauls me up on the back of a snowmobile, and they take off toward the west, into the Deadzone – the heart of Denali National Park – where the only reception is satellite and it’s all uninhabited wild lands.

Since it’s all downhill from here, and they had a pull sled with a bunch of jerrycans, I have no fucking clue how far west they take me. Eventually, though, after a refill on gas, we arrive at a small cabin with a pickup truck in front of it. There’s a few big barrels of diesel, a bunch of chopped wood. It looks prepped for them to stay here all winter.

They drop me on the cabin porch, then Asher throws my pack into the cabin before locking it. The brothers head off into the forest with their rifles, leaving me alone.

Perfect.

The cabin is absolute in it’s remoteness, with an overgrown road heading south, and a few solar panels. It’s surrounded by big spruce trees, all mossy and ancient. I’m sure they’re disappointed in my choices, just like my mother. I hate that she was right about Alaska being a bad idea.

It would be beautiful if it wasn’t a poachers’ rape-den. There’s an axe in a stump, so I do my best to roll over to it. It’s painful, but I manage because the idiots tied my hands in front of me. I very carefully get my hands under the bit of the axe blade that’s sticking out of the stump and do my best to sever the rope. It works, thank fucking god, and with my hands free I can get my feet untied.

I check the cabin door, it’s a deadbolt, and I check the truck, which is also locked. I have nothing but my torn parka, and an axe. So I grab the axe, struggling to pull it from the stump before finally freeing it. I could break into the truck, but I’m worried they’ll hear it.

Plus in highschool we read this book about this kid who survived a plane crash and managed to live in the woods for months with just a hatchet. It was called Hatchet. I just need to hike to Cantwell, and I know how to navigate by compass and the stars.

With all that in mind, I get moving at a jog. My wrists and ankles hurt from the rope, so I’m only able to jog for about 15 minutes before I need to slow, not to mention I need to avoid rolling my ankle. Thankfully, I kept my metal water bottle on my carabiner, so I have water if I come across a glacier river or something, I can just dip right in. I really don’t want Asher and Berk to find me because I start a fire, but I also don’t want to die of dehydration.

I’m starting to sweat, so I strip my parka off. Then my snow pants, because I am still sweating like crazy. I tie them together in a rough bag sort of thing, and I keep moving east. Eventually I will either reach the Alaska Highway, or the park road. I think. I only vaguely know where I am, and to my recollection we didn’t cross any roads. I’m sure there’s math that can be done, but I am not a math girl. I am a hiking paralegal, my universe is so far from math it’s not even funny. Too bad, sure would love to be able to do some calculations!

I start getting cold, so I put my snow pants back on, and I still feel cold so on goes my parka. My watch does glow, so in theory I can keep moving after the sun sets, and I do until eight o’clock, but I know I need to stop and rest. I finish my water, it was supposed to be a 3 day hike from Denali Park to Cantwell, so I carried light. I figured it would be easy to melt snow over the fire, that’s what I did yesterday when we stopped. Plus I had a life straw in my pack for that sweet, sweet glacier water you’re not supposed to drink raw.

Oops.

I don’t even have my trail mix anymore, I hope those assholes are allergic to cashews, one of them eats a handful, then they both die from Anaphylactic Shock.

How dare Andrew say I don’t have a personality! I have lots of personality!

I am also hearing distant howls, and I don’t want to be eaten by wolves or coyotes, so I hike my ass up a tree and settle in for the night. I don’t sleep well, but I don’t die, and that’s a good thing!

Throughout the night, I keep hearing the yips and howls of wolfs or coyotes, and at some point I think I see a yeti walking around. Not that I can see a lot, even with my flashlight. Mostly I’m just hoping I don’t run into a grizzly, I’m a bit south for a polar bear, but it’s not absolutely unheard of. The days are short and getting shorter, so no matter what, I need to exit my tree and get hiking eventually. All in all, everything fucking sucks, and I’m thirsty.

But, I remain positive in the face of adversity!

I’ve always been annoyingly optimistic, take that for lack of personality, Andrew, there’s one trait. I untree myself and I get moving eastward, and a little southward. When I get hot, I strip, when I get cold, I put my layers back on. At one point, I find myself along a little melt-river, so I fill up my water bottle and hope I don’t get giardia.

Two hours after my melt-water fill, I have not shit myself, so that’s something, but I’m really feeling the hunger pangs, so I drink more water. What a great way to lose weight, hiking to escape kidnapping! My mom is always on about how I should lose weight, guess I’m finally doing it. Ha ha. I’m a little chubby, sure, I have a muffin-top and my ass is fat, but I’ve never had a problem with my body. Not until Andrew started complaining when I started at the firm, not unless my mom starts asking if I’ll let my step-dad give me liposuction.

“I can’t believe that motherfucker was cheating on me!” I yell to no one in particular. I got tested for STDs when he dumped me, just in case, and thankfully I am clean.

Asshole.

I keep moving, always moving despite how bad my fucking ankles hurt. I flop and rest, I’m so tired. I haven’t felt cold in a while, that’s nice. I just need to rest, drink some water. Rest, drink some water.

I rest and drink water, and my arms feel too heavy to move, so maybe I nap a little.

Just a little nap, I’m so tired. I’ve been walking all day. I reach for my parka, but I can’t find it. I'm not that cold anyway.

My brain feels weird, sluggish.

Am I thinking right? Is something wrong with me?

Oh, I’m too tired to keep hiking, I’m just gonna rest for a little longer.

In my gut, something tells me I’m not supposed to sleep. The yeti! I forgot about the yeti following me.

I try to stand, but my legs don’t work. I’m too tired to move anyway. Plus, I’m not cold. Just tired.

I feel sleepy, so sleepy. Maybe I’ll just close my eyes for a bit.

Just a bit, just one minute. It’ll be fine.