The May

Morning 11:33

I started walking by the roadside.

The sun was warm. It felt holding everything dearly with its sweet warmth. But I couldn’t feel anything. My inside was empty. And nothing could feel this emptiness.

I entered into a flower shop and chose a fresh white lily. The shop owner came close to her,

“Good choice! They are freshly picked this morning. Their smell is good too. How much would you like?”

“Just 5 of them.that’s enough.”

“What!? Only 5? Are they not good enough? Please take more. I don’t sell them expensive.”

“Only 5 is enough. How much.”

“100 won .”

After paying, May was coming out of that shop. While walking out, she could hear the shop owner’s babble.

“What a poor freak. Who buys only 5 lilies?if your poor why even bother buying. What a waste..”

The shop owner wasn’t saying it to her directly but she still could hear her. She didn’t pay any heed to it and came out of that shop. Then stood on the footpath and called for a taxi.

“xxx town, to the graveyard please.”

…

Standing in front of 4 newly dug grave, May didn’t feel crying nor did she wanted to remember the old memorial days she spent with those people who are lying in this grave. She couldn’t find any happy memories at all. Wait, was there any though? She asked her self.

It felt weird. If there was any other people in my place, they would cry their eyes out. Yet here me, not even mourning for them, just staring nonchalantly. But it actually bothered me a little looking at the fresh white lilies lying on the grave.

Those 4 graves..they were my parents’. My father, mother, elder brother and my elder sister. They died 5 days ago. Today is my first day coming here. But somehow I don’t feel anything. Why is it? Now that I think about it, why did I even buy those lilies? Why?

5th December.

Result of my final exams came out. I was so happy cause I got the 1st place! It was the best day of my life.

“Thanks a lot my dear God! Thanks a lot for letting me alive to see this day.”

It was the best day of my life. Or .. so I thought. I couldn’t wait any longer to tell it to my parents. I was literary running back to my home. Suddenly my phone rang. An unknown voice speak up,

“Hello, May. Can I sit here?”

Breaking my thoughts and coming back to reality, flinched me looked up. A tall man was standing there. It was my uncle. He’s a successful business man. Well known. I was a little surprised. I rarely saw him. He didn’t come often to our house. I didn’t say any thing. He sat beside me and cast his eyes to the 4 graves.

His appearance became a little weird. Curious me also looked at the graves.

I regret. I really regret for buying those lilies. It was really weird. Each lili were on each grave, looked as if someone couldn’t help but show reluctant kindness towards the people lying under the grave and threw a lili to each. I was so Ashamed. Seriously! Why did I even buy those lili? Huh, damn it.

“Did you put those lilies?”

I couldn’t deny as one of those lilies was in my hands too. Huh, my luck.

“ yeah”

He smirked a little and looked else where. Then after some time he looked at me.

“I heard you got the first place in your school. Congrats.”

“Thanks”

I was trying to keep our conversation as little as possible. I just wanted to go home. Why, why did I even bother come here? And it had to be today no less.

“Where are you staying?”

“I shifted to a dorm. The rooms are small but enough for one person.”

“You could have called me. I can afford my niece’s expanses. You have got a rich uncle you know? How about you shift into my house. Jina will be happy too to have a big sister.”

After saying that my uncle became a little weird. Cause we both know that Jina would never be happy. Not that I have a very great life. But Jina never liked me. She behaves weird whenever she sees me.

Then my uncle looked at me with a face that I don’t know what it meant. Was it sad? Regret that I lost my parents at such a young age? Or is it *disgust* ? I don’t know.

“I don’t have your number and even so, I’m doing fine. Thanks for worrying about me but I don’t need it.”

My uncle looked slightly disappointed. Then he stood up and stretching his arms, he handed me his business card.

“You are an adult. I have no say if you insist but if you ever need any help , feel free to reach out. I will do my best to help you. Then, until we meet next time.”

There will be no next time, I was saying it in my mind.

I slowly stood up and started to walking. I was still holding the lili. The Freshly picked lily. But it didn’t feel fresh anymore. I rather felt disgusted and wanted to puke. I dumped it into a nearby trash and went straight to home.

The war is mine. I absolutely don’t want to go and reside in any of my relative’s place. I will take care of my own self. I can do it. I have to do it. I have to look for job. I also have to study to get a decent job. Yeah, I will menage it all.

~To be continued