Three Years
It had been three years since I had seen or spoken to Jay. Every day I wondered if he was angry with me, felt betrayed, or had he just moved on. If he had I wouldn't have blamed him. I ended up having the baby a few weeks early. Nothing was more depressing than giving birth alone. But at some point, that feeling faded when Jia came into the world. I know it was to stay low key, but I wanted her with her father's name. Only two people could piece together who she was. Jay and Charles. I knew Charles wasn't going to though after that stunt he pulled trying to kill us. I meant it when I said she would know her father. She knew what he looked like. She knew his songs. The ones that were appropriate for her age. She was working on mastering his dancing. She wanted to be just like him. I had just finished making breakfast. I was scrolling on his social media when I hear her tiny footsteps running into the kitchen.
Jia: Mommy!
Me: Yes?
I put the phone down giving her all my attention. She looked just like him in more ways than I expected. She starts jumping up and down.
Me: Hey, hey, hey. What is it?
Jia: It's time!
I knew exactly what she meant. I stand up and she starts dragging me to the living room. Jay had an interview today and I told her we could watch it. I flip to the channel and there he was. Three years later and still looked like he did when I met him. She was standing in front of the TV still bouncing.
Me: What is with you today?
Jia: Daddy's going to sing!
He walks on stage and he is smiling and waving to the crowd. She screams for him as though he can hear her.
Jia: Daddy!
I cut the volume up. I'm watching and see Charles in the back. My blood was boiling. He starts singing Solo. I had been teaching Jia the language. She was doing her best to sing along. When he finishes singing, he bows then walk off stage to do his interview. Jia runs over and sits in my lap, and she looks up at me.
Jia: Why don't I ever get to see daddy?
Me: It's complicated.
Jia: Why?
Me: Long story.
Jia: Oh, story time.
Me: You really want to know?
Jia: Yes.
I shake my head, but I tell her the story. Not all since she was too young but the just.
Me: Someone didn't want mommy and daddy together because of what we look like.
Jia: Why not?
Me: Mommy and daddy are different colors.
Jia: So am I!
Me: I know you're a mixture of mommy and daddy. Tell you what? You want to see daddy?
Jia: Yes!
Me: You’ll see daddy on your fourth birthday.
Jia: Really?!
Me: Yes.
I lost her once he started talking on the TV they were asking him if he was seeing anyone. I listen to see what he would say. He was never the kind to reveal his private life. He flashes his million-dollar smile.
Jay: I've never been the type to air my dirty laundry. It's part of my charm.
The host starts laughing. I wasn't waiting anymore. It was time to lure him out. I get Jia dressed. Her eyes were still glued on the TV to Jay. I know I had just made breakfast, but it was now lunch time.
Me: Wanna go where me and daddy first ate together?
Jia: Yes!
I brush her hair out. She puts on her little coat, and we head out to the Korean restaurant me and Jay ate at. We head inside and she was looking around.
Jia: Wow!
Me: Daddy was wearing a turtleneck when it was hot outside. He was sweaty.
Jia: Ewww.
She starts laughing. We get a table and sit down. While we wait, I pull out my phone. I think about something that he would figure out. I think back to the first Korean phrase jay taught me. I start recording.
Me: Jiaaaaa?
Jia: Yes!
Me: Say Naneun banggwireul meogeo.
Jia: Naneun banggwireul meogeo.
Me: Ewww. You eat farts? That's gross.
Jia: Mommy I don't eat farts.
She starts laughing like it was the funniest thing in the world. Her smile was just like his. Stood out. Made you want to freeze time to savor it.
Me: Gochujang Chicken Bibimbap or Beef Bulgogi Bibimbap?
Jia: Which did daddy like?
Me: Gochujang Chicken Bibimbap.
Jia: Then that one!
The waitress comes back. I place our order and keep recording.
Me: Ready for your birthday in a week?
Jia: Yeah! I get to see daddy!
Me: Is that your birthday wish?
Jia: Yes! My wish is to see daddy!
Me: I promise you will.
I end the video. I know Jay didn't look at his feed a lot and it would get drowned by his fans. Gray! He stayed posting on his social media. I uploaded the video to a fake Instagram I made and tagged Gray in it. Hopefully this was the one time he didn't decide to change how he always was. It immediately gets a like from Gray. Yes! Thank you, Gray! The food arrives and we talk about what else she wanted to do for her birthday, but everything involved her father. I look over to see her fanning her mouth.
Me: Is it too hot?!
Jia: If daddy can eat it, I can eat it.
Me: Your stubborn and hardheaded like him.
She starts laughing. We finished eating and then we left to go get some ice cream. She was skipping the whole way knowing her birthday was coming up meaning she got to meet her dad soon, as long as Jay saw the video. I start the drive home and she falls asleep. I look back at her in the rearview.
Me: Soon baby. Soon. We'll be a family like we were always suppose to be.
