Nocturnal Habits
My world had grown small. Endlessly so.
Things that felt normal to everyone else had become alien to me, no matter how hard I tried to hold onto them. And when I did try, things always seemed to fall apart. Once upon a time, I thought there was something wrong with me. To be fair, there was. But at twenty-six, I'd realized it didn't even matter. None of it did.
My world would grow smaller. Darker.
And there was nothing I could do to stop it.
Besides, the dark wasn’t all bad.
I pushed my hand against the glass door, and a wall of heat hit me the second I stepped inside. My face immediately flushed from the drastic change in temperature, and I offered a tired smile to the half-asleep man behind the counter. The store was completely empty. Silence filled the room, broken only by the dull buzz of the overhead fans and the faint hum of the refrigerators. My heel caught on something sticky, and I pulled away with a grimace. This was the only store open this late in town, and it was hardly the Ritz.
Still, I needed something to keep me going.
I took joy in the small things, and one of those small things was cigarettes.
Cigarettes, an energy drink, and a snack. Calories shmalories.
“Hey, Case,” he said, his voice low and groggy, as though I'd dragged him from a nap.
“Hey. How's work?”
I made my way over to him and looked over his shoulder, my eyes darting across the cigarettes and vapes behind him.
Vaping, I thought, was a ridiculous vice.
No more ridiculous than smoking, I had to admit, but I'd managed to avoid the sweet-scented air sticks for a very long time. No matter how popular they’d become, I'd never seen the appeal. I knew that one day I’d quit smoking, and I’d probably end up vaping instead, but until that day, I intended to stay far away from the things.
“Boring. Miserable. I clock off in an hour,” he said with a small smile, the biggest he could manage in his half-asleep state. “Finished work yourself?”
I nodded and leaned back, shifting my weight from one hip to the other. My long brown hair slipped across my shoulder, and I laughed at the uselessness of the cheap claw clip I'd bought online.
“Yep, just finished. Need my usual,” I said, pointing to my choice of cigarettes behind him.
He turned, and I told him I'd grab a snack and be right back.
It was summer, but the heat had been nothing more than a ghost after dark for at least the past week. Rain had rolled in several hours ago, dragging the cold back with it. It felt more like fall than summer, and honestly, I preferred it that way.
My eyes drifted over rows of brightly coloured drinks until I found the neon-pink can of caffeine that called to me in the middle of the night. Strawberry and kiwi, although I could never really taste the kiwi.
Then I wandered into the next aisle, taking my time as I grabbed a chocolate bar and a small bag of chips. When I returned to the counter, I found him watching me with the same boyish smile he'd worn before.
“That all?”
I nodded.
The register beeped and clicked as it tallied up the total, and I handed over the cash. I turned to leave, but he stopped me, his voice cutting through the silence.
“You've been coming in this late for a while now, and I gotta ask, what is it that you do? You know, for work?”
I turned back to face him and laughed. “None of your business.” I’d tried to keep my tone light, playful even, but I was being completely fucking serious. It wasn’t any of his business. Not even a little.
“Oh, come on, Case. I’m not asking because I’ll judge you. There ain’t many jobs out there that’ll have a woman like you coming in here at four in the morning every other night.” He tilted his head and chewed on the inside of his cheek, the skin there deforming slightly under the pressure. “I ain't judging.”
I sighed and shook my head. “I know you won’t judge, but it’s not as bad as you think. Small towns, though...” I laughed softly. “People get the wrong idea all the time.”
He shrugged. “Well, I think I'd like to get to know you a little better.” Something in his tone shifted. The easy-going friendliness disappeared, replaced by something more serious. He cleared his throat and smiled again. “If, of course, that's alright with you.”
His name, as bland and everyman as the rest of him, was lost to me. To me, he was just the cashier at the corner store. He looked fine, I supposed, but there was no chance I’d be going on a date with him.
Nope.
Not my type. And even if he was, I couldn’t see myself dating anyone anytime soon. Not with the whole constantly-awake-at-night thing.
My lips parted as I searched for a polite way to let him down. Before I could answer, the door clicked open behind me. My head snapped toward the sound, more surprised than anything. It wasn’t often someone wandered into the store this late at night. His frame, almost too tall, filled the doorway, his presence undeniable and commanding the attention neither of us had to give at four in the morning. His hair, deep black, contrasted his pale skin in thick waves that hung from his head, grazing his cheekbones. I watched as his eyes drifted down to me standing there, still confused, but he didn’t smile at me like the cashier did. Instead, his brows dropped as he walked past me, ignoring me and the cashier completely. I turned back to the cashier and pulled a face, partially trying to ask if he knew him. The air seemed to still, the warmth draining from it as though he’d pulled in the cold outdoors with him.
I took one glance back at the stranger, and then stepped out of the store, back into the frigid air of the night. Rain clouds loomed overhead, and I knew that if I didn’t get home quickly, I’d wind up soaked. The rain was something I’d always enjoyed, but staying in it right before bed? Nope. That wasn’t happening.
So, I leaned my back against the rough brick, kicked a heeled foot up against the wall behind me, and pulled the cigarettes out of the white plastic bag, sparking one up as I watched the clouds roll. Every night after work, or almost every night, I dragged myself to the store to get some smokes and I’d enjoy the quiet for a short while. I hated smoking in my apartment, and so this was a small treat I enjoyed on nights like this, where the world was silent, almost completely dead, and I could hear myself think.
Smoke rolled down the back of my throat as I inhaled, and I let my eyelids flutter closed. I’d spent so long working that my brain felt fried, like scrambled eggs that someone had left on the burner for too long. When I got home, I knew all I wanted to do was curl up in my bed with a drink and a book, and then I’d pass out until I did it all again the next day. I wasn’t nihilistic, but my life had found a slow, bordering on boring rhythm, and part of me hated the idea that everything was so fucking dull. Even the weather, it seemed, decided not to bless me with anything resembling heat, and instead it remained bitterly cold and gray, despite the fact we were well into the middle of summer. Whatever happened to heatwaves?
My mind drifted elsewhere as I smoked my cigarette, and I welcomed it. The door clicked behind me again, and I glanced over my shoulder automatically, expecting the cashier to have decided to make a move on me. Instead, I saw him.
For a moment, he stood framed in the doorway, the harsh fluorescent lights spilling around him and cutting the rest of the street into darkness. Something about him immediately snagged my attention. Maybe it was because he looked completely out of place. Maybe it was because he was beautiful. Not conventionally handsome, not in the polished, magazine-cover way; there was something rougher about him. Whatever it was, my eyes lingered longer than they should have.
He stepped forward, letting the door swing shut behind him. The darkness seemed to swallow him for a second before the glow from the storefront caught him again, painting shadows across his face. His head tilted slightly, then he smiled.
Something unpleasantly warm curled low in my stomach, and I hated it.
Out of habit, I pulled my arms closer to my chest, my cigarette hanging between my red-painted lips.
“You know, those things will kill you.” His voice caught me off guard. His words were soft and unhurried, each word lingering for a moment before the next arrived. For someone who looked like him, I expected something rougher.
“Yep,” I said with a small laugh. “So will the booze I've got waiting at home and the energy drink in this bag.” I lifted the plastic bag slightly. “We all have our vices.”
His gaze dropped briefly to the bag before returning to me.
“Still,” he said with a shrug, a lock of dark hair falling across his forehead, “better to take care of the body we've got.”
I opened my mouth to answer, but nothing came out… which was annoying. I wasn’t usually the type to get flustered around attractive men, but by the time I thought of something remotely clever to say, he was already chuckling. He turned on his heel and walked away, vanishing into the darkness.
Only once he was gone did my body finally relax. My shoulders loosened and my grip on the cigarette eased as I exhaled slowly.
Who the hell was that?
