Lucia
“Bury it mom!” I yell. My voice breaking from anger and frustration. Anger because my mom wouldn’t stop talking about a moment we both know I don’t want to relive or remember, and frustration because I’m late for school once more because my older sister decided that the perfect time to stay in the bathroom for an hour plus was now.
“Well, it’s not so easy for me to forget that my daughter enjoys torturing animals. Is it?” She replied in a high pitched tone with a subtle sarcasm in it.
Ignoring the obvious invitation to start an argument that ends up with her giving a long list of things I do she thinks aren’t normal, I shut the door with all my strength so the door communicates the—can we not talk about this? I soo desperately do not want to say.
“Jules, oh for fuck sake would you come out so I can take a shower?” I say almost pleadingly, but the tone in which I say it suggested that that was anything but a plea. I think it worked though because, she came out immediately I made my point and thank heavens she did because I am barely holding back the urge to drag her out by the hair I’m sure she took all her time perming and washing.
“Is there any point in going to school? I mean…you don’t even have friends “ she laughed the words out as she held the towel wrapped around her with just her thumb and index finger like a typical idiot who thinks it’s cool to not use all her fingers to ensure the safety of whatever she’s hiding that no other girl has. And I’m pretty sure that rolling my eyes, made my thoughts alive and communicated them clearly to her because she spat out in her defense “why are you staring? Wierdo.”
“I had to take a second look at the person who doesn’t know that college is a place of learning too and not just a social gathering” I shot back at her.
As though avoiding the whole talk about school and friends she muttered to herself “I don’t know why I have to share a room with a psycho” and in reply, I muttered “it definitely can’t be because the psycho is your sister”.
Only the air spoke after me and I got the feeling that it was because she knew that any talk from here on would lead to her saying she’s better than me because I don’t fit into what she views as normal and my reply would have been; at least I’m smart and didn’t have to repeat a year and get stuck in the same level as my junior sister.
But I also don’t want this conversation to be prolonged because I’m already late for my lectures and the only thing I’ve manged to do is take of my clothes and dip myself in the bath I hurriedly prepared.
Of course, I’m not actually going soak myself in the bath for long because I have an awesome sense of time. So I quickly get out of the bath, and without bothering to dry myself fully in the bathroom, I drip all the way to my side of the room and hurriedly put on a casual short black plitted skirt, a white basic top and a black crochet long sleeve vest and paired this awfully sad Outfit as my mom would call it with a knee high flat boots to make up for the length of the skirt.
I dashed out of the room without wasting time, and grabbed a slice of bread as I stomped past the dinning. I wave mom a goodbye as I leave but as usual she ignores me and continues making a luxurious breakfast for Jules her only actual daughter.
I fight the urge to pour a lot of water in whatever she was making, rendering it tasteless as a stop ignoring and notice me warning, and that leaves me regretting my decision because I wonder why I even bother even though I know what would come of it.
Maybe somewhere deep down, I wish she would treat me a little better. If only wishes were horses, I thought to myself.
If only I wasn’t actually sure and there weren’t proofs that she is actually the woman who gave birth to me, I would swear that she took me in as a dare. An, I dare you to raise this child or something along this line of thought.
I push all those thoughts away as though an empty mind would hasten my steps but I did it anyways as I would be mad at myself if I miss biology period.
“Oh how fun it is to learn about the body” a thought that I subconsciously sang aloud. And I’m pretty sure the bird that flew off the tree I just walked past judged that it would be dangerous for his ear drums if he listens to me sing.
“Even nature isolates me” I said in a pretend sad voice
I managed to make it on time, but my body froze for few seconds after realizing that being in school means I have to endure another day filled with foreshadowed bullying, gossiping and stares that hurt physically. Despite this realization, I opened the door and walked into the lecture room with my head held up high even though my self esteem and patience was anything but high.
I’m not so eager to face the social side of colleg: clubs, but what choice do I have. Well, asides skipping club meetings as one human who shares a roof with me does.
I won’t do that though, because it means throwing away opportunities to learn more useful and useless things. I’ll also be loosing points if I do that and I’ll be forced to move into a lodge around so I’ll be able to meet up with make up meetings.
