Guilty as Sin

Author’s note: Any names you recognize from the Harry Potter series are not my own creations. This story comes entirely from my imagination. I’m not earning any money from it and won’t be paying for related art commissions. Additionally, I do not support the views of she-who-must-not-be-named, the series’ creator.

WARNING: This story deals with cancer and fertility.

~ 2005 ~

Rolling her neck to ease some of the tension gathered there, twenty-five-year-old Hermione Granger poured herself a glass of red wine. Upstairs, her father’s coughing echoed from her parents’ bedroom, cutting harshly through the air in their quiet home.

He had come home from his chemotherapy appointment with a fever, and her mother had taken him upstairs to rest. Each cough that rattled his body made her chest tighten as her heart ached. It was as if she were being tortured by Bellatrix Lestrange again, unable to control the pain she was feeling.

Drawing her legs under her as she sat on the couch, Hermione pulled her laptop onto her lap. Opening her e-mail, Hermione clicked on the e-mail that had been sent to her by her fertility specialist, Becky, at the Nativitas Fertility Centre.

Hermione,

This is the tentative timeline. Let me know if anything does not work for you. We are very flexible. When you are ready, we can schedule your first round of testing.

We will run them in two rounds to track your hormone levels in each stage of your cycle.

Send me a text message to the number I gave you if you are interested in scheduling. If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to ask!

Becky

Hermione opened the attached PDF.

A pap smear

Ultrasounds

Blood tests…So many blood tests.

Gulping her wine, she picked up her phone and opened up her contacts, selecting Becky’s name.

To: Becky

(6:55p) Hello, Becky. Sorry for the late text. This is Hermione Granger. Go ahead and schedule me for the first round of tests for the 3rd of August and the second round for the 17th. Any time of day would work for me. I need to get them in before school starts on the 1st. Thank you!

She set her phone down and leaned back against the couch. Her heart beat audibly in her ears as she slowly breathed in and out, trying to calm it. The silence in the house was palpable, and a surge of nausea came on suddenly as she heard her father cough again through the ceiling.

Sitting up, she placed her feet on the ground, and she pressed her hands over her face. Her phone vibrated on the table, and she picked it up.

From: Harry

(6:59p) Hey, are you free? I made way too much dinner for myself and James. Come over?

Hermione hit reply.

To: Harry

(7:00p) Hey, Harry. I’d love to, but Dad isn’t doing well today, and I don’t want to leave Mum.

She hit send and sighed as she ran her hand over her face.

Rolling her head to try to stretch her neck, her phone vibrated, and she looked at it.

From: Becky

(7:03p) No worries about the text. 18:00 really isn’t that late. Do you want me to email you the PDFs for the potential sperm donors that I have selected? I have you scheduled for both those days at 9 AM.

Hermione looked up as she heard footsteps on the stairs to see her mother coming down them. “Everything okay? Do you need anything?”

Rosaline Granger shook her head as she crossed to the kitchen counter, grabbing a pill bottle and a bottle of water. “I just came down to get his medicine. Hermione, this is sadly normal. Remember? The first few days or so after a treatment, he gets a cough and is weak. He just can’t kick this cold this time. He will be better in a couple of days. He has the medication to help him.”

Hermione nodded.

Her mother studied her for a moment. “He doesn’t want you to worry. You should be out enjoying your life. You had such an active life in Australia. Why don’t you call Harry?”

Hermione bit her lip. “He did just ask if I wanted to come over for dinner with him and James.”

Rosaline smiled as she leaned down and kissed the top of Hermione’s head. “Do it. You are only young once.”

Hermione watched her mother climb back up the steps and sighed, picking up her phone and hitting reply to Becky’s message.

(7:08p) Becky, go ahead and send me the information about my potential sperm donors for me to review. I’d like to get this process started as soon as possible. Thank you so much!

Closing out her text message, she opened Harry’s message, only to have her stomach drop.

To: Harry

(7:08p) Becky, go ahead and send me the information about my potential sperm donors for me to review. I’d like to get this process started as soon as possible. Thank you so much!

Scrolling up, she stared at the screen, then she realized she had sent the message to Harry.

Holding her finger down on the button, she went to unsend it and groaned when it would not let her. “Shite,” she stood up pacing, “Maybe he will just ignore it? Maybe he won’t care about what I said.” She muttered.

She copied the mistakenly sent message and sent it to Becky.

Opening Harry’s message again, she saw he had replied when she was talking to her mum.

From: Harry

(7:06p) Ron may even come over tonight. It would be like eating dinner together at Hogwarts, just with two messy eaters instead of just Ron.

Hermione swallowed hard as she stared at the accidentally sent message. It was as if it were a red beacon of embarrassment. It wasn’t like she wasn’t going to tell him that she was considering going through sperm donation or IVF. When she went through the process, if it worked as she planned, Harry and Ron would obviously know that she was going through with it. She just hoped she would already be pregnant by that time.

Sinking onto the couch, she pulled her books to look through onto her lap and started forcing herself to read through them. As it always was, she lost herself in the world of academics, a welcome distraction to the chaos of her real life.

A knock on the front door broke through her concentration.

Lifting her head, she listened to see if she heard it again. Only to hear a more urgent knock the second time.

Standing up, she rushed over to the door and looked through the peephole. Frowning when she saw Harry on the other side, standing on the porch. She groaned.

“I heard that, Hermione.” Harry called through the door, “Open the bloody goddamn door.”

Sighing, Hermione unlocked it and pulled open the door. “Harry, what are you-”

Harry held up his phone, “What the hell is this?”

Hermione groaned. “I sent that to you by accident,” she told him, turning into the house. “Just delete it… Ignore it. I don’t know! Pretend you never saw it.”

Harry shut the front door behind him as he followed her into her parents’ living room. He grabbed her hand. “You want to be a mum?”

Hermione turned and looked at him. “I am turning twenty-six this year, Harry. I haven’t had a man interested in me in years, and…” she bit her lip as she tried not to cry. “My dad… I want him to meet his grandchild… and he might not have long.”

Harry pulled her into his arms.

For a moment, Hermione stood there, listening to his heartbeat.

“Let me.”

Hermione looked up at him. “Let you what?”

Harry’s eyes met hers. “Don’t use a sperm donor,” He whispered, “Let me help you.”

Hermione stepped back, staring at him, “What?”

“Let me father your child.”

They don’t know how you’ve haunted me,

So stunningly.

I choose you and me,... Religiously.

~ Guilty as Sin by Taylor Swift