God, It's Me Again

God, it's me again.

Yes, I bet You remember me.

Your favorite... maybe.

I'm here, but this time I'm not here to ask for anything.

I just want to hear You.

Just a word.

Even a silent wind will do.

Things aren't really going as planned.

Lord, it's the same nine-year-old girl.

I'm here.

And this time, I'm not asking for anything.

I just want to make sure I still have a place in Your world.

Yes, it's been a long time.

Yes, the seasons have changed.

I guess I wasn't in the right season.

I know I'm not the same.

The broken girl has found her way back.

This time, I'm here with no tears. Isn't that funny?

Five years ago, it wasn't the same.

Lord, please don't give up on me.

Yes, it might take a while,

but I'm building myself back to the boat.

And it will be to stay this time. I promise.

I was told that scars only mean that I'm healing,

which I'm trying to believe.

I'm trying to get back to the Promise Rock.

I hope I don't run out of time.

Lord, please don't give up on me.

I'm trying, but...

I still have memories of all You did for me tucked away in the closet.

All the times You saved me,

even when I didn't deserve it.

I guess that's why I still have a little faith left in me.

I just wanted to check in and see if I still have a seat at Your table.

I hope I still do.

I'm trying to let that little part of me go,

but I guess she's the reason I'm whole again.

It wasn't easy.

I can't quite put my hands on it,

but it was hard.

Yet here she is—

healing and becoming.

I just want to be what You want me to be.

I want to live a good, worthy life,

full of blessings, peace, and joy.

I don't really know what happiness is,

but I know what it looks like.

I want to be like those Christians who seem to have amazing lives while they praise You.

Nevertheless, I will keep seeking, searching, and praying

until I feel You in my bones,

until I feel held, kept, and guided by Your Holy Spirit.

I will get there.

I'm walking through it.

Yes, the path is not easy,

but I know the outcome is assured.

Please don't give up on me yet.