Alright

The wind was crisp, whipping across the sky. Oscar was in the park, slumped under a tree and staring up through the sparse leaves. Smoke floated out from his mouth and upwards. Blood was smudged across his chin, still leaking slowly from the two punctures on his bottom lip.

“Mind if I join you?” He shrugged, letting his eyes close. “Ozzy? Do you mind?” He huffed out a sigh and shook his head. “So you don’t want me to be here?”

“Just sit the fuck down, Jas,” Oscar snapped. Jasper laughed softly and obliged.

They sat in silence, the leaves drifting from the trees lazily, some making their way to the ground, others carried away in the wind. The water on the lake rippled along in small crests, a lone swan pecking its way through the grass.

“I wish you wouldn’t smoke,” Jasper said softly. Oscar glanced at him, but the older boy’s head was leant back against the tree.

“Why the fuck not?” he asked, snorting. He brought the cigarette back to his lips and inhaled a long breath, letting the smoke drift slowly out into the autumn air. “I’m gonna die young anyway, and we both know it.”

“No you’re not,” Jasper replied, and his voice was small. Oscar laughed at him and he scowled slightly. “You’re not dying until I do,” he said stubbornly, leaning his head over against the top of Oscar’s.

“Good luck enforcing that one,” Oscar said drily, rolling in his eyes and blaming the pink in his cheeks on the brisk wind.

Jasper whined, a sound low in his throat, and scooted closer, wrapping an arm around Oscar’s shoulders. “I’m gonna do it,” he whispered, the sound brushing against Oscar’s ear.

Oscar laughed nervously, trying to tamper down the flame flaring up across his face. The curse of being a redhead. “What, just stay fucking glued to my side?”

“Maybe,” and this time his lips were hovering just a few inches from Oscar’s ear. The younger boy shivered, and could feel Jasper smirk.

“You cold, Ozzy?”

“No,” he replied, and it was snappish again, but Jasper just laughed.

“You make me laugh, Ozzy.” he was still using the damned nickname, and Oscar deemed it safe to lean into the older’s shoulder.

“I hadn’t noticed,” and he wished Jasper would stop laughing already, because his mouth was still only inches away and if he didn’t shut up himself Oscar would have to make him, and that wouldn’t end well for either of them.

“I love you,” Jasper whispered into his hair, and Oscar is quite certain he stopped breathing. “As a friend,” Jasper tacked on hastily. “Not - I’m not gay.”

“I know,” Oscar muttered, staring up at the sky. “It’s okay, Jas.”

Only it’s not okay, it’s getting colder and Jasper is pulling away and Oscar misses being held close, like a lover, like something precious, like someone wanted him. It’s not okay, because his shoulder isn’t bumping Jasper’s anymore, and his curls aren’t brushing Jasper’s face anymore, and there’s no hot breath tracing across his ear. He inhaled more smoke and breathed it out, watching it dissipate.

Jasper reached over and took the cigarette while Oscar was distracted. “I just told you how much I hate that, Ozzy.”

“You’re neither my girlfriend nor my mother, so I find I don’t care.” Jasper draped an arm over his shoulders and pulled him close, and suddenly Oscar found he wasn’t quite so mad. Jasper muttered something soft. “What was that?”

“Nothing, darling,” Jasper reassured. “It’s irrelevant.”

“Using pet names for your friends is gay,” Oscar murmured with a smirk. Jasper rolled his eyes.

“I’m not gay, you dumb ho.”

“Sure,” Oscar teased sarcastically, grinning slightly. “Yeah Jas, you’re so fucking straight. Of course. How could I ever think otherw-”

“Shut the fuck up!” Oscar cut off abruptly. Jasper buried his face in Oscar’s hair. “I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I didn’t mean to yell. I just - my brother doesn’t - I’m sorry.”

Oscar nodded slowly. “It’s alright.”

Jasper pressed a kiss to his temple, and Oscar resisted the urge to think it was romantic, because it wasn’t, it wasn’t, it wasn’t.

“Are you okay?” Jasper whispered and oh god Oscar could feel breath brushing his ear again. “You’re quiet today.”

Oscar nodded. “Of course.” There was a pause.

“Look at me.” Oscar turned his head, and one of Jasper’s hands cupped his face, a thumb running softly across his damaged bottom lip. “You hurt yourself, darling.”

Oscar shrugged, but didn’t pull out of the touch. “I’m fine.”

“You’re not,” the older boy countered. “You don’t deserve this.”

“I made Denny mad again,” Oscar muttered, not looking Jasper in the eyes. “I didn’t mean to, I swear, I just-”

“He’s not mad at you, Ozzy,” Jasper responded. “You say that every time, but he never is.”

Oscar shrugged. “I didn’t mean to,” he repeated. “I just wanna die.”

“Ozzy.” Jasper’s other hand came up so that Oscar was forced to look him in the eyes. “Ozzy, no.” The older boy leaned forward so that their foreheads were leant together. “I’d cry a helluva lot if you died, you know?”

Oscar sighed softly, wrapping his arms around the other’s waist. “I’m sorry, Jas,” he whispers. “I wouldn’t do it, you know. I’d miss you too much.”

Jasper laughed softly. “No you wouldn’t.”

“Yes I would,” Oscar replied immediately. “You’re my best friend, Jas.”

“That’s not safe for you.”

“It’s safe if I fucking say so,” Oscar said stubbornly, and Jasper laughed softly.

“I’m gonna hurt you.”

“You have,” Oscar muttered, and Jasper flinched. “It’s alright, though. I love you.”

“Ozzy, if I’m hurting you-”

“If you fucking leave me I’m going to kill myself, you dumbass,” Oscar snapped, and Jasper’s breath shot into his lungs like an arrow. “I’m sorry,” Oscar said immediately. “I’m sorry, that was too far-”

“It’s okay, Oz-”

“No, it’s not,” Oscar snapped, then continued in a quieter tone. “I had no right. Like I said, I’d miss you too much.”

“You-” The boy shook his head, drifting a thumb back and forth across Oscars cheekbone. “You wouldn’t miss me, trust me.”

“I do trust you,” Oscar whispered. “But you’re wrong.”

Jasper laughed softly, shakily, and a silence fell over them again, their foreheads still pressed together. The leaves kept falling, making their way toward the ground, and the wind kept blowing, ruffling through Oscar’s hair. A drop of rain fell onto his cheek, but he ignored it.

“You know you’re my best friend, don’t you, Ozzy?” Jasper asked suddenly. “And that I love you?”

“Well I’d hope so, judging by the position we’re in,” Oscar pointed out in dry humour, and Jasper laughed and pulled him closer.

“I’m serious, kid.”

“Don’t call me kid,” Oscar muttered, scowling slightly.

“You are a kid,” Jasper retorted with a certain laugh hanging in his tone. “But that’s ok,” he added softly. “I’m just glad you’re here.”

Oscar pulled back just enough to look his friend in the eyes. “Something’s wrong.”

Jasper shrugged. “No, not particularly. Nothing more than usual.”

“Usual is too much,” Oscar reminded him softly. Jasper let out a soft sigh and a faux smile.

“It’s fine, really.”

“That’s what you always say,” Oscar retorted, though he was also distracted with studying the older boy’s eyes. They weren’t quite brown, nor hazel, nor gold, but a different shade, an autumn shade, a colour all their own. “You have such nice eyes.”

Jasper turned pink. “I don’t,” he responded immediately, and Oscar scowled.

“Yes you do,” he said with more force. “Accept my compliments, you bastard.”

Jasper laughed. “I don’t need more lies in my life, Ozzy.”

“I’m not lying,” Oscar told him, his tone solemn. Jasper didn’t laugh this time.

“Then what are you doing?”

“I’m telling the truth,” Oscar responded, without even stopping to think. “I’m telling you what I truthfully think of you.”

“Then you wouldn’t be quite so kind,” Jasper responded, and Oscar shook his head.

“To the contrary.”

“Then what do you think of me?” Jasper asked, fear edging his tone, as though he weren’t sure he wanted to know.

“I think the world of you, Jasper Farrow,” Oscar told him, eyes wide and honest and a miniscule smile gracing his lips. “I think everything of you.”

Jasper blinked, having expected a significantly more negative response. “Oh,” was all he could muster to say. Oscar frowned at the surprised look on his friend’s face.

“You deserve everything I think of you.” Jasper shrugged at the boy’s words.

“Whatever you say.” They sat in silence for a few minutes more. More rain droplets fell, but they payed them no mind. The swan at the edge of the pond had disappeared, and the waves were skating more frantically across the grey expanse. A leaf landed in Oscar’s curls, and Jasper laughed under his breath, reaching up to brush it away. “You’re pretty, Oz, you know that?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Oscar muttered. “Straight guys aren’t allowed to say that.” Jasper hummed, sliding a hand down to cup Oscar’s face again. He leaned in and pressed their foreheads together again, closing his eyes, his breath tickling Oscar’s lips. The younger boy was frozen in place, his back rigid and his eyes wide. “Jasper?” He murmured.

“Oscar?” Jasper opened his eyes to lock gazes with his friend. “Is something wrong?”

Oscar sat still for five more seconds, and then something like fear jolted through his brain and he shoved the older boy away from him. Jasper grasped his sleeve. “Oscar? Did I scare or something? God, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I’m so sorry, so sorry Ozzy-”

“No, no, it’s fine. I just- I was startled is all.” Oscar pulled Jasper’s hand into his grip and squeezed, and the older boy sighed in relief, a smile twitching onto his lips. Oscar leaned his head forward to rest against Jasper’s shoulder, hiding his red cheeks from view.

“You’re cute when you blush,” Jasper whispered.

“I’m not blushing!” Oscar retorted, his cheeks flaring even more red.

“Is that so?” Jasper was clearly holding back a laugh. “Hey, Ozzy, look at me.”

“I don’t want to-”

“Yeah, because you’re blushing-”

“No I’m not!”

“Oscar, I can see you. You’re not terribly far away.” Oscar bit down hard on his lip, his teeth sinking into the punctures he’d made earlier. Jasper’s free hand came up to tangle in his friend’s curls. A few more raindrops fell. “It’s going to rain soon.” Oscar shrugged. “You want to stay here?” The younger boy nodded, tightening his grip on Jasper’s hand. “Well, that’s good. I’m not too awfully inclined to move either.”

Exactly sixty two seconds ticked by in silence.

A drop of blood dripped from Oscar’s lip to the ground. Jasper shifted. “Ozzy, are you- look at me.”

He tilted his head up slowly until their eyes locked, hazel against blue. Jasper frowned. His hand untwined itself from Oscar’s hair, coming down to rest against his cheek again. (He seemed to do that a lot, Oscar noticed, for a boy that never kissed him.) “Stop.”

Oscar let his mouth fall open slightly, dried blood along his lip being re-dyed bright red. Jasper’s brows pulled together. “I wish you wouldn’t do that to yourself.” Oscar shrugged.

“It’s not a big deal, Jas-”

“But it is,” Jasper interrupted, distress falling across his face. “It is a big deal, it’s your health. I don’t want you to hurt yourself. I don’t want you to hurt.” Oscar shrugged again. “Stop shrugging, Oz. It’s important-”

“It’s not important to me.”

“I know,” Jasper replied in an almost pained whisper. “That’s the worst part of it.” He paused. “Please take care of yourself, Ozzy, at least a little. I love you-”

“Could you stop that?” Oscar jolted away from every point of contact with Jasper, pulling his knees to his chest.

“Stop what?”

“Stop saying that.”

“But it’s true.” And God, he really doesn’t get it, does he? Oscar let out a shaking breath. A raindrop landed on his cheek, like a tear.

“You say it all the time, though,” he muttered. “You say it all the time, but you treat it as less ‘I love you’ and more ‘I’m in love with you’ and I know you’re not but you know I am, so please just stop, don’t do that to me, I know I can’t have you, Jas, I just want to stay your friend-”

“I love you, Oz,” Jasper interrupted. He reaches out for the other boy. “Come here, kid.” Oscar reluctantly - almost warily, and Jasper almost felt sick, because how could he have ever made Oscar wary of him - let Jasper pull him close. “I didn’t know you thought of me that way.”

“I wasn’t terribly subtle about it,” Oscar muttered, his cheeks turning red again.

“I’m not terribly smart when it comes to these sorts of things, darling,” Jasper reminded him with a small laugh. Oscar shrugged. “I love you, Ozzy-”

“I said stop-”

“I’m in love with you, Ozzy.”

“Wait-” Oscar jerked his head up, and before he could speak, Jasper pressed their lips together. The skies opened up. They were drenched in seconds, but neither felt to inclined to move.

“Kissing in the rain, Farrow?” Oscar murmured as he pulled back just millimetres. “Could you get any more cliche?”

Jasper laughed. “If I tried,” he said jokingly, laughing again when Oscar shoved his shoulder. “I love you, Oz.”

“I love you too,” Oscar told him, and couldn’t help the giddy grin that split across his face at the new earnestness that resided in the words.

He was going to be alright.