The Heavy Weight Of Red Poppies
Today is the day
where you celebrate the annual memorial day
the special event to honour the service
and the sacrifice of military members
observed on the 11th November 1918
to commemorate the end of the
first World War
hopeful there will be no more war
The beautiful, red poppies were blooming
Across the churned-up, devastating
Battlefields of Flanders and northern France
During the World War I
filling up the lonely green grass
appearing in the middle of nowhere
The vibrant, delicate beauty of life
Trying to light up the violent, scarred
destruction of the battlefield
In one Tuesday morning on that day
within the year of 2025
where my day has been good
has suddenly turned to a bad day
it was a very windy day
filled with beautiful colours of leaves
falling off from each one of the brown, skinny branches
the leaves flew off from the wooden tree
making the view sounds dull and depressing
But with the vibrance of the leaves came
to the light of heaven
I became very absorbed
But I was in the middle of getting ready for work
Looking for a beautiful dress
filling up the mixture of redness in me for a day
for the celebration of Remembrance Day
before putting my staff badge on
And then, coming downstairs quickly as I can
rushing out of my house to go work
Attempting to walk to my work
In a cold, windy weather
That appears depressed
Arrived at my work with the colour of red
Nice and early
Some lovely posters and designs
appearing in the reception
to represent Remembrance Day
Carrying with my work as usual
Cleaning every single one of the tables
to get ready for lunch
Getting all the cutleries out
that are sparkly and silvery
Getting all the cups out of the kitchen
that are colourful and vibrant
The menu on this day was the Chicken Combo Wrap
the delicious wrap filled with crispy chicken,
orange cheese slices and the mouth-melting
hash-browns inside the wrap
But when by the time goes to 11:00am,
the two minute silence begins
to remember the lost of military
soldier’s lives
not being able to come home to their families
reflecting on the sacrifices made by
military personnel wars in past
and present wars
the sound of the trumpet goes through my head
until it is 11:02 AM
And now it is finished,
I can continue with my workload
But waiting for the students to
come out of their lessons
for me to help all the students around me
but in one afternoon,
a student requested for her right hand
to be held tightly for safety and comfort
onto my left hand
walking from the stairs to the corridor together
with our hands grasping each other
attempting of trying to let go of her hand,
but she wasn’t let go of my hand
making me hold her hand
all the way to her class
But, until I suddenly heard a familiar voice
coming from the staff office,
there was a beautiful young woman
with brown, dark ginger ombre hair on ends
whom I know since I was a student
coming to gently approach me outside
the classroom, saying
“Kelsey, can you not hold her hand in the corridor?”
requesting me to avoid any form of
physical affection with students
reminding me about being professional
in the workplace,
but couldn’t fully process the whole
conversation at the end what she was
saying to me
’Cause the background is too distracting
with the people around the environment
before walking away from me
Getting blamed for everything
I didn’t even do anything to upset
the staff or either students
because I didn’t know if the rules were more stricter
than I thought this would be
I was extremely mortified to say
that I have been reprimanded by
a colleague, even though I am a
staff member at my own college
when I used to go
Exhibiting a freeze response for a second
Before walking back downstairs
to continue with my work
But once I was in the library,
I was trying to clean the tables
and hold back my tears
but I couldn’t keep my emotions under control
whilst I am at work
until the other teacher
A beautiful geeky woman with blonde hair notices
something is not right with me
checking and asking me, “Are you okay?”
concerned about my emotional well-being
And I said, “Yes I’m fine”
With her face filled with uncertainty about
my emotions asking me,
“Are you sure?”
Before coming to the teacher,
addressing my concerns to her
crying in front of her
feeling very chastised for my actions
although she was understanding with my emotions,
but was said to me directly to me “Don’t get upset”
Whilst the another woman said the same thing
And my line manager came along and asked me forcefully,
the old woman with short, blondish brown hair
“What is the matter?”
Anxiously attempting to communicate my concerns to her
But said the same thing to me, “Don’t get upset”
Before attempting to cheer me up
But nothing is working
Walking restlessly around the canteen
Trying to regulate myself
But my brain makes my mind overthink things
Making my emotions unmanageable
Causing me to have the inability to
manage my emotional responses
But was drifting my level of focus on working in the kitchen
Washing the dishes and putting things away
the kitchen is full of cookers, ovens, microwaves,
culteries or anything in general
The size of the kitchen looks quite small,
but this looks claustrophobic
'Cause it does look like a kitchen prison
before a care worker whom I know
That she is quite young for her age came to approach me
And asked me “Are you alright?”
Before addressing my concerns to her, but
Embarrassingly got my sentences jumbled up
’Cause my communication is not fully there
But said to me “Don’t take this into heart”
which will make it even more worse
As I came out of the kitchen,
There is another care worker with really short, brownish blonde hair
approached me
And asked me, “Are you alright?”
Before addressing my concerns to her,
But the advice I was being given that has been said by
A few staff members at my work that irritates me so much,
“Don’t get upset”
But it comes to ten minutes before it was 1:00 pm,
the only time, I cannot wait to be home
Getting my coat behind the reception desk
The reception looks small compared to all the buildings
And walked freely out of my work
But decided if I could have a walk
the longest way from work to my home
and crave for a breath of fresh air
smelling the cold air
for me to breathe
But the nightmare is appearing
where the exploding emotional meltdown
comes with an uncontrollable crying spell
that are so extremely severe
and challenging for me to manage,
providing an explanation to my mum
addressing my concerns to her
about my situation that has happened
at my work on the afternoon
Mum has mistakenly asked me,
“Why are you holding her hand?”
And I formulated my responses to her
question to what is asking her
before providing me for a reassurance
And then, my brother has said the same thing
to me, but said “It’s okay, Kelsey”
But mum puts the big fan on
the windmill of the fan
spins around and around, but faster and faster
reflecting the wind onto me
before they went out to the shop
But was sat on the sofa
crying into the blue tissue
that is soft as a pillow
not knowing how to stop crying
for short amount of time
Went upstairs to my room,
Cried and cried uncontrollably
over the seemingly minor issue
Until it is time to go pick
my little siblings up from school
Craving for a fresh air yet again
but trying my best to hold back my tears
to ensure all parents, teachers and kids
don’t see me crying
But it is really hard for me to pause,
process and regulate my emotions
The school playground brings me back
all the memories to the light into this school
With hopscotches and climbing frames
everywhere in the playground
The children happily running, riding their bikes from school
to their homes
Teachers were watching their children feeling
the sense of joy of happiness in them to see their parents
Whilst I am in the full of misery filled
with the overwhelming emotions inside my brain
waiting impatiently to explode
But sat upstairs in my bedroom in my bed,
crying my eyes out yet again
Really wanting a hug from anyone
but received nothing from the neither of them
However, you know one thing,
you cannot wait for is
B-E-D-T-I-M-E
And will try again tomorrow,
feeling the sense of hope
that next year is better than this one!
The end…
