Prologue
Why do I have to cut my hair, or lose weight to be attractive, can’t I just be a nice person? Just because someone has a weird face or is overweight shouldn’t be a reason to not like someone. You are chance. Everything about you is chance. You pick up things from your parents who you don’t decide and you might be born with something's wrong with you, and because of the other chances in play like who you grow up with, whether it be siblings, friends or enemies, how you are treated by others, you are completely randomly “made” in those senses.
So, does being accepted mean that if you roll a 20 on a twenty-sided dice, you will be attractive and loved? I try to be a kind person, and what do I get in return?
Well, I was bullied for ten years straight, my siblings hate me, and I’m shunned by many people. Oh no, I rolled a 1, meaning I must deal with it.
During dinner, there were three of us left at the table, my sister and the father of the family we were staying with, because the dice of everything decided that we should be homeless. He made some valid points about Terry, and how he’s bad, and so do I. And what does Skylar say? She says that the divorce wasn’t his fault. And I can tell you that the dice of everything didn’t just make it happen. He had cheated on my mother. I was about to shout out to her saying that they probably fucked while Mum didn’t even know about this woman and was being lied to. We were all being lied to. But I didn’t say that. Because I try and be a nice person. Later that night, Skylar insulted me again.
Imagine a six-year-old being lied to by their father, saying that they loved her and her mother, only to then tell their mother that she was being cheated on with another woman. And then that same six-year-old thinking that there was nothing wrong. That he did nothing wrong. Then he moves to London, on the other side of the world. Goodbye daughter, I love you, and I did nothing wrong.
In the four years between Christmas Day 2012 and Christmas Day 2016, Terry successfully divorced his wife for another woman from Canada, broke up with them, which happened at least some time after Boxing Day 2014, met a British woman, started dating them, and moved in together while proposing on Christmas Day 2016.
Oh, and if I didn’t make it clear, for the umpteenth time, he did nothing wrong apparently.
People question why I hate him. I was eleven when it started, and even though I wasn’t a guru in everything, I knew what was happening. Why should I like him? He met someone then married them in eighteen months. He lied to all of us, and still does. It’s like a dice but it is weighted against you in some way.
I’m highly unhealthy, and that is partly my fault, but being raised by a fat liar and then going into depression, which I have been diagnosed with professionally, because of him doesn’t help, and it’s not like I can just change, because I’ve always been like this. My long hair is half a way to hide, half a way to rebel against Terry. I worry about and deal with so many things, and through all of that, I still try to be kind and happy, and deal with school. Of course, your problems don’t matter at school, with all the pain and suffering you go through there, but it’s your marks that matter. Feeling sad? Too bad, you must study and do your homework. Why? What’s the point of educating someone if they are going through suffering to make the school look good. Look good, like good looking, except that the school principals are the dice holders forcing the worst to make them look great. There’s a reason I fail subjects, stop telling me to step it up because I’m already rolling down those stairs and its already painful enough.
There are reasons why I and others feel this way, and you can’t just tell them to “get better” or to “step it up,” because the dice has already done the damage. So, help them. Please. We need it.
I need it.
