Limbo

Waking up I found myself in this place. I can’t really describe it. Nothing but darkness even though I knew my eyes were open. The world around me was dark.

“Hello.”

A voice chimed in for me, I looked around though I was not able to see anything, like my eyes covered in a blanket. Not a sound around me, taking a step forward terrified me. The uncertainty of it scared me, not a clue of what would be right in front of my feet.

“Who’s there?”

My own voice echoed back to me, I felt like a bat inside of a cave needing to use echo-location. Walking was the only thing to do, and so that is what I did. One step after another, and another, and another, my feet didn’t have any feeling in them, almost like walking on a cloud.

“Hello?”

After a moment of waiting there were footsteps, to the front right of me.

“Hello, Frank.”

My heart sank hearing something, from somewhere I couldn’t see or expect.

“Wh—Who’s there?”

I try to widen my eyes hoping it would help me see. Something cold with a fuzzy feeling brushed up against my hand, though startled I jumped back and fell down. Now sitting I look up with my hands raised, hoping whoever or whatever that could be threatening my life wont hurt me.

“What do you want?”

It didn’t respond, but I could hear breathing, getting closer.

“Trust me.”

It said almost right after, feeling puffs of cold air hit my face, giving me perspective of how close it was. Out of instinct my face squeezed up still fearful.

“What are you?”

“I am not one individual, but perhaps I am something of this place.”

It sounded like a riddle, I hated that it did, I didn’t ask to be here, I don't want to be here.

“Why am I here?”

It started speaking the moment I stopped.

“Because you no longer belong.”

“No longer belong where?”

“On the Earth, you know, where some may judge and hate and disgust. With time your eyes will open and adhere to this place Frank.”

My mind just buffered for so long trying to process what it said to me, blocking it off like a padlock on a door.

“Take your time, there is nothing but time here.”

What did it mean by I no longer belong on the Earth, I am still there aren’t I? But then again, maybe not. I can’t see myself, I can’t feel myself, now that I think about it I am not really able to hear myself.

“That’s because you can’t talk.”

“What?”

“You don’t understand, this place isn't conceivable to you right now.”

“Then why can you talk, why can I hear you? Huh, answer me!”

I couldn’t move, some force held my arms and legs down and my mouth also. I need to get out of here.

“You can’t get out of here. Let me help you, just trust me.”

I felt a pressure surge through my body starting at the top of my head.

“Open your eyes.”

“They are open, what did you mean?”

“Open them.”

I don’t know how but it was like a second pair of eyelids, opening them again I could see, like a white fuzz of what should be there. Like the static on a TV with no signal. My body is sore from something now, I’m not quite sure of what though, I haven’t done anything physically tiring at least I’m pretty sure that I have not.

“You died, that’s why.”

I couldn’t help but laugh, he must have been fucking with me.

“I’m not Frank, you’re in denial.”

I looked over to where I heard it, I couldn’t even speak. It isn’t what I expected. It wasn't a man nor a monster. Just an orb, blackhole like. A soft light shining on the outer ring of it, like sucking in the light, maybe that is why it’s so dark here.

“No, I’m not why, it’s because this place isn’t conceivable. You lack the ability to see what it truly is.”

“How do I see then?”

“Sometimes you see better when your eyes are closed, Frank.”

I stood up and turned away from it, looking around, in the dark, little orbs glowed blue. And a sound came from them, like hints of voices.

“Yes, yes go up to one of them. Listen to them.”

“What are they?”

“Memories, yours, you wanted to know why you ended up here don’t you?”

“Yeah, I uh. I do.”

Moving towards them, I trusted myself a little more, I could see. Getting closer it felt like a magnet pulling me like I was a piece of metal, I kept getting closer, letting myself be absorbed in its pull. The sounds of vehicles, the horns, engines. What you would expect from stereotypical car sounds was going, Putting my hand on it I was shocked a little. Not emotionally, but physically, like a shock of electricity going through me.

“Listen to it Frank. Go ahead.”

The voice said once more, I blindly trusted it up until this point and there wasn’t reason not to this time. Putting my ear up against the blue orb my vision changed, like now I was looking in through the eyes of someone in a car. A red car, with music playing. I can’t make out the song, and this person is going down a road, it’s dark. Raining. Pouring that is with rain. Wipers moving as fast as they can without breaking, the weight of the rain on the windshield was terrible. Then the phone rang, I picked it up.

“Hey I was just wondering how close to home you were.”

It was a woman's voice on the other end. She sounded familiar.

“Just keep listening Frank.”

The voice insisted, invading itself into the vision.

“I’m not far just on that one road you don’t like.”

“Ok, well be careful since you are on that one. Ok Frank?”

“I will be, don’t worry I always am.”

How did she know my name, who was this person I was talking to, how did she know me.

“I love you, see you soon.”

“I love you too, I will see you at home.”

I hung up the phone, then I remembered, I knew who she was, she was my wife. We have a kid on the way. But before any longer I was pulled out of the memory.

“You had a kid on the way Frank.”

“What do you mean ‘had’?”

It didn’t speak this time, just put me back into the memory, it felt like real life, I had no idea how he was doing this, or why he was doing this. I needed more answers. Everything that I saw in the memory I could feel. Like how I could feel the tightness of the wheel, the temperature of the air. What was this, I don’t remember this so I don’t know why it’s being called a memory. I had to squint to see the road, the mud underneath was making it hard to do. My JEEP should get me home, the thing is a tank. I checked my speed, seventy two miles an hour. I tried slowing down, I couldn’t move anything, how could I not be in control of my own body.

Still driving down the road at this speed it was a little uncomfortable, she said to be safe and that is what I wanted to do. I remember that I didn’t always listen to her that great but I wanted to for this, we had a child coming. None of my body would move regardless of what I did, I wanted to stop the car and take a breather, to be able to relax for a moment, it wasn’t happening. My heart started racing, I had no time to think when I saw the deer jump out into the middle of the road. My body swerved out of the way, I didn’t want to even be here, I couldn’t do anything, I felt as if the JEEP was launched off of the mud road and into the ditch. It rolled over and over, then it ended, the memory froze and I was pulled out.

“What… was that?”

“It’s why you’re here Frank.”

“N—no. No! It can’t be!”

I started trashing myself around, I felt like crying but nothing would come out, Is this why I felt so sore? What’s going on? How do I fix this?

“There is no fixing this Frank, this is simply just something that has happened in your life. It is just that it happened to be the end of it also.”

“How do you know what I’m thinking and… and saying all of the time!”

“Because you always are thinking, your thoughts are words and images, I hear it all. This place is your home now. Nowhere to go from here, nothing more to it, you're alone here.”

“You are here though.”

“Yes, but just as long as I am needed, I am supposed to help you transition from there to here.”

“Transition? What the fuck are you talking about, let me go back!”

“I can’t do that Frank, your physical body had died, I tried telling you but you weren’t listening to me and now this is what happens.”

“But, I am still here, talking to you, or whatever you are.”

“I’m nothing you need to concern yourself with. This is where you will be from now on, your home is just there.”

I turn to look for it, I don’t see anything. I walk forwards looking for it.

“Just keep going.”

It said to me, so I did, My legs carried me across the dark void of this place towards a small home. My home. I turned back to ask him more questions. He was gone, nowhere to be in sight.

“Hello?”

Just like when I got here, nothing.

“Hello? Where did you go?”

I tried asking again. Still nothing, just like the beginning. Turning to the house again it was the only non fuzzy thing here. There was something here, my house really was here. Trying the first step on my porch it seemed sturdy enough.

“Anyone home?”

Opening the door I got a response from nobody, then starting to think about what it had said to me about being alone. Walking the inside of my house there was nothing either, no furniture, no people, nothing. Just me. Alone. What did I do to deserve this?

“Nothing.”

It startled me.

“What?”

“You didn’t do anything, this happens to everyone.”

“Everyone, who dies?”

“Yes, they all go to a place like this, they spend their time looking at old memories.”

“I don’t want to be living in the past, I’m only thirty eight.”

“You aren’t thinking about one thing. This is your place.”

How can this be my place? I haven’t even been here before, at least not that I can remember.

“How is this my place?”

“You can do anything, be anything. Though I suppose there is another option.”

“What other option?”

“I could let you back to Earth.”

“Yes! Yes, do that! I want to see my family again!”

I blurted it out before hearing anything else, I knew that it was what I needed.

“No Frank, you won’t be you. In fact you won't even remember me. You won’t know who Frank is.”

“Then how would I get back to Earth?”

The orb pulsed a few times. I looked at him strangely. I haven't seen it do that before.

“On the day of your funeral you will be born. Don’t worry though, you have some time to think about it. Or stay here forever.”

I didn’t want to be stuck here, like in a prison I can’t do anything, I can’t get out. I got dizzy, closing my eyes for a moment I felt everything around me change. Opening my eyes there I was, in a cell. In a prison.

“What, is this how I get here?”

A guard came walking down to my cell.

“Don’t worry, this is just your mind.”

“How did my mind do this?”

The guard smiled and looked down, I hated the smug look on his face.

“I’m sorry about that, you know me, kept calling me the ‘orb’ right?”

“Yeah, wait what?”

I sat down on the bed inside of the cell looking down at my hands, then at my arms. I’m wearing a jumpsuit as well.

“That’s right, you imagined it, now. Frank. A few days remain for your decision.”

“How do you know when my funeral is?”

“I know everything, I know more than you could imagine, even in your place.”

“How do I get out of this cell, are you able to unlock the door for me?”

“And let you out? No, I like my job, thank you.”

“Job? This isn’t real!”

“You think it is therefore…”

“Oh, I get it now. Just give me some time to think about your offer.”

I watch as he walks away down the hallway, I lay down on the bed inside of the cell, the option to stay here inside of my little fantasy world and actually live in a real one is hard. There could be no flaws inside of my mind. Why would I want to leave, then again why wouldn’t I want to leave. Out of my whole life why is this decision the hardest one to make, and why am I struggling so hard with it. I feel like I am dying. My mind is pulling at itself.

“Hey, where are you?”

“Here.”

He is a cellmate with me this time now. Also wearing a jumpsuit.

“I made up my mind.”

“Ok, what is it?”

“Send me back down, I can’t live a lie here.”

“Sure, close your eyes.”

I do, and as I do I feel myself start to go numb, and I can’t move, Thinking is getting harder.

****

Ms. Sherry here is your baby girl. The Nurse goes to the side of the bed to place the baby onto the chest of the mother.

“She is beautiful.”

Tears streamed down her face.

“Can Tom come in now?”

She asked the Nurse who started her way to the door.

“Mr. Sherry, you can come inside now.”

The smile on his face formed walking into the room, he looked down at his wife, then down at the crying baby on her chest.

“Do you have a name for her yet?”

Tom looked at his wife then back at the Nurse.

“Olivia.”

She wrote the name down on a clipboard on the counter next to the bed.

“Now sir I will have you fill out some paperwork, it won't take long, it's just formalities.”

He agreed and took the clipboard that was handed to him, the Nurse escorted him outside of the room again and sat down with him as he filled it out. The sun shone through the windows giving little young Olivia some warmth.