Here comes Teddy

Teddy Pov

I was in a hospital room, worry lacing my lungs, because my little girl was born 2 months early and on life support, I didn’t know that worry could feel like I was drowning in sorrow.

Megan, my daughter’s mother, walked toward me, the look on her face had me even more worried than I was before, her green eyes filled with unshed tears, but I didn’t necessarily clock that it was unusual as I was also very emotional, (though you could be given the circumstances).

“Hey, uh, Teddy, I, uh, I have to tell you something”

“What is it then Meg?”

“Before I tell you, please don’t get mad at me-”

“Why would I be mad?”

“I’m so sorry Teddy, I am so so sorry, but I lead you on about wanting to keep Rowan-”

“What?!”

Anger started to bubble inside my gut, my heart hammering heavily in my chest, swallowing a scream back, I looked Megan dead in the eye, straight after I did she looked away, (though looking back on it, maybe I was expecting a neurotypical response out of someone who was not, but like I didn’t know that at the time).

“How do you expect me not to be angry?”

“I couldn’t find the words to say Teddy, you were already 3 months pregnant when we found out-”

“Don’t, don’t make excuses!, Fuck!, how could I have been so fucking stupid, how could you not tell me this before?”

“I, I, I tried, but you seemed so happy that I couldn’t take that away from you Teddy, I love her, I really do, but I can’t be a good Mum to her Teddy, I love yo-”

“Don’t say that!, just, fuck!, if you’re gonna leave just fucking leave already!”

Megan walked away sadly, and maybe I was a bit harsh, but I couldn’t sit there and pretend that I was ok when my world seemed to be crumbling around me, (and I was just about to be about to be 14, 14 years olds aren’t exactly known for being rational or tactful here).

My heart pounding against my throat like it was on the run from my body, I was in the waiting room by myself, as everyone else had gone home, but I didn’t want to go home, not yet at least, I wanted to make sure that Rowan was actually ok.

It was weird to think that I was going to be the only parent that Rowan would ever know, but that was the reality of what was happening, looking back on I wouldn’t have done it any differently, (as I got a great kid, and changing things could jeopardise that for me).

Mum came back, which was weird to me as she wasn’t one for giving emotional support, (I mean she literally gave up custody of us at one point because it was too emotionally draining for her), so I was on guard in case this was going to turn into an argument, which was highly possible.

“Teddy can we have a little chat?”

“I dunno Mum, do I have a choice in the matter?”

“Of course you do, but-”

“So I don’t, just say it how it is and stop tiptoeing around the point”

Yes I was harsh with my words towards my mother here, but I didn’t know if my baby was going to make it and I didn’t need my mother trying to convince me of something that my father was too scared to convince me of himself, (that’s happened multiple times before this point, so sue me for thinking ahead here).

“So what is it that you need to talk to me about?”

“You raising Rowan-”

“If it’s to try and change my mind, you can fuck right off”

“No Teddy, you seem quite confident in your decision, you can raise Rowan in my house, but the partying has to stop”

“I haven’t partied in months, and that was mostly to get away from you”

Yeah the way I said that was fucking brutal, but it was the truth and I wasn’t going to sugarcoat how I felt to make my mother feel better about her parenting decisions, (or lack there of), plus other people sugarcoating their feelings to me is how I got into this mess.

“Ok, I also want you to try with your Dad-”

“You can fuck off, he’s the adult, he hasn’t tried with us like ever, I’m allowed to protect my peace, and I’m not wasting what little energy I will have on that man”

“I want us all to be a big happy family”

“What for?”

“We have nobody else”

“We don’t have John though, he’s in it for himself and his ‘legacy’, whatever that fucking means”

“You’re a father now, what kind of example are you setting her with this agenda against your own Dad?”

“That she can protect her own peace against people who hurt her”