THE SISTER I NEVER HAD

I called you my sister.  We laughed and share some burdens together.  I was there for you in every step of your tears. I never once made you feel like you were alone.

I grew up in a household,  where i have three amazing brothers.  I always wondered how it feels like experiencing sisterly love. But when i met you, i thought to myself,  maybe this is it.

But no I was wrong.

Yes you did tell me your secret.  Amd i cried with you, i kept it. I didn’t tell a soul, God bare me witness.  I didn't.  Then you text me, talking about this other friend of yours, she said i told her the secret, which i didn't.  The funniest thing of the whole situation is that you trusted her over me. Not like I'm surprised. 

We pushed the whole thing, back and forth.  Till we let it all go. I blocked you, then unblocked you. But till ate i stil didn't get my answers. After being accused of something,  i didn't do. What wrong did i ever do. All i ever wanted was to experience sister love. That's all i ever wanted. And with you i thought i finally got that one thing,  i would cry to Go at night.  But no.... you let me down.

After responding,  with all my texts with question marks and silly words. I cried then let it go. And now you text me. Acting like it's all ok. Well it's not ok. Because everything is still playing in my head.  I can't go back to our normal conversation.  Because,  everything still lives in, i tried to forgive m which i did. But forget. Nah. I would never forget that.

Amd now we are suddenly,  chatting again,  and when i ask why you decided to talk to me again.  You respond with a "idk". Are we serious,  is that all you have to say. Not even a " i miss our friendship or any of that". Just a idk. Wow..,just wow. And from here, i banned the trying to experience what a sister relationship feels like. Yes maybe i will never experience it. And i accept it. I will let it all go,

But why text me, when i finally forgot and moved on from you. Let me be... don't try to make the conversation casual,  because they aren't.  All this is too much. And that's how my summer went.

I took you like a sister.  But what did you do. You showed me the reason why i shouldn't have. Maybe sister by blood would have helped.  But it's not my fault that God blessed my parents with three boys one girl. It's not my fault,  yes if i knew would i have done something yes. Do i love my brothers. Yes. But do i stil feel like i need siter bond. Yes.... but... maybe.. I'm not made to be happy.