Overtime

*RING* *RING* *RING*

Who the hell is calling so late?

Large red numbers are cast across the ceiling above my bed showing the time—1:27AM.

I glance at the screen. “Hello, mom.”

“Did I wake you?”

What the hell else would I be doing right now?

“Yes, is everything ok?”

“Something happened to your dad.”

I hope he’s dead. Maybe I’ll finally be free—

“What’s wrong?”

“He left for work the other night like normal. But he showed up forty minutes later in Lansing.”

“He works in Warren.”

“I know. He was confused, bragging about how fast he got there but couldn’t remember the drive. I was worried and had him meet me at Beaumont—”

“Troy?”

“Royal Oak. They ran a scan of his brain and found a glioblastoma—brain cancer.”

What?

You wanted him dead.

I didn’t mean it.

“Are you there?”

“I don’t know what to say, mom. What are they gonna do? How long does he have?”

“They rushed him into emergency surgery. They kept refusing to give a time frame, but I kept asking. One to five years.”

One to five years!

Will he see me graduate college?

Or get married to Jace?

“How long until it’s over?”

“Surgery is already over.”

I open my eyes. “What do you mean? How could it be done in under an hour?”

“It’s been two days.”

“Two days ago?”

Are you fucking kidding me?

“I didn’t know how to tell you—there was nothing you could do. He was always so bad to you.”

You never stopped him did you?

“Is he ok?”

“He had a seizure. He’s in a coma. Aunt Sara said they were supposed to give him anti-seizure meds. But they didn’t.”

I’m sorry, God. I didn’t mean to wish him dead.

But you did.

Please… I need my father still—

I tried to distract myself. “How long has Liam, Annabelle, and Jay known?”

“I called them as soon as I took your father in.”

Fuck you, mom!

How dare you talk to her that way. Honor thy mother and father!

I’m their family too! When will they honor me?

“So, my siblings never called me to say they knew. You got them to not tell me—Annabelle?”

You were the only one I trusted… as much as I love mom, you never betrayed me.

“I’m sorry, sweety. I knew you were coming home this weekend. I wanted to tell you then.”

“You could’ve come up with any reason to get me home. And now I’ll have to drive in the middle of the night like this.”

“No, don’t come home tonight. Drive home tomorrow after classes. I don’t like you driving this late at night.”

“I love driving at night.”

“Don’t. Promise me you’ll wait.”

“Fine!”

I can’t believe the bitch didn’t tell me—

Honor thy mother and father or go to hell.

Dad…

How could you do this to me?

You killed him with disappointment and shame.

You can’t leave me. I love you so much.

I fall back into bed crying.

I look at the numbers on the ceiling.

2:06am—I need to go home. I don’t care what mom says.

Sitting up, I reached to wipe my eyes when a metallic explosion reverberates through my skull like two massive steel beams crashing together. The sound is sharp then cuts off as a pressure floods my brain bouncing all throughout my skull.

Jesus. Not again.

I collapse into unconsciousness, hand grasping my head as if trying to keep my brain inside.

*knock* *knock* *knock*

I wake up, still holding my head.

Why does this keep happening? My brain keeps betraying me.

What time is it? – 4:14pm

What the fuck?

*knock* *knock* *knock*

“I’m coming”

I open the door, smiling as I see Jace.

Before I close the door behind him, he’s already kissing me.

I love you so much. We’re supposed to marry someday.

But kissing you – it’s just not what I thought it’d be.

Is this just what kissing feels like—wetness? No burning fire in my chest saying this is my soulmate.

It doesn’t feel special…

But I do love you. I’d never be with anyone else—

No one else wants you.

He pushes me back on my bed getting between my legs.

Stop him. You’ll feel guilty.

But I feel so special. He loves me so much.

Your dad is dying. He’d kill you if he knew what you were doing right now.

Yeah, he also said no one would ever love me.

Who says Jace loves you?

He’d never do this for me if he didn’t. This means he loves me.

What if he knew how fucked up you are? The things you survived?

Shut up! It’s hard enough to finish for him when you aren’t being a bitch.

You don’t even feel anything. You feel no sensations other than the wetness of his mouth. Just the happiness in your heart. It’s not real.

Shut up! I feel special.

Your dad, your dad, your dad.

Stop saying it.

“What’s wrong, love? Is it not working for you today?”

“I’m sorry, Jace—”

Please don’t be mad.

“It’s just that my dad’s in a coma.”

He jumps up.

God. You’re mad and now I feel like an idiot.

“Why didn’t you tell me before I started?”

“It felt too good, and I love you too much.”

Liar!

I do love him.

But you felt nothing down there.

My heart and brain loved it.

He brought me back. “What can you tell me about it?”

I repeated all I knew, including adding the brain explosion happening again.

“I’m sorry about your father.” He hugs me, looking worried. “You were probably just tired and needed the sleep. I’ve never heard of people hearing explosions in their heads. Your doctors never heard of it before either.”

No one believes me about anything. I’m so tired of living.

Jace loves you. Your mom loves you. Your niece and nephew–would you really abandon them?

How dare you. I would never hurt them.

“It sounds so real. And I always fall asleep for eight hours or more after. Even if I just woke after a full night’s sleep.”

You think I’m crazy.

Maybe you are.

“Sorry for worrying you. I need to get going. I’m sorry I couldn’t finish. I can still do it for you, though? I’d love to make you happy.”

He kisses me. “I know you would. We can do it when you’re back.”

Sitting in the car, I pull out my phone and see several messages.

Fuck do you want Annabelle.

["I’m sorry for not telling you. I wanted to be with you when you heard. I love you.”]

Don’t say that word. It’s meaningless from all of you.

[“I know you did. I love you too. I’m heading home now.”]

I scroll to ‘A-Mom’ and press dial.

“Hello, mom.”

“Are you on your way yet? You never called back this morning.”

“That thing happened again where I heard the loud explosion and fell asleep. I just woke up a short time ago.”

“I told you; you needed sleep. I’m glad you listened.”

When will you ever believe me.

I’m your FUCKING SON!

“—are you coming right to the hospital or going home first?”

“I guess to the hospital.”

“Do you need more money for gas?”

“I have enough to get me home, but I’ll need some to get back.”

I’m screaming along with the music flying almost 100 mph down M-10 when I notice the exit onto I-75 coming up too fast.

Shit.

I break hard to under 40 hitting the turn before pressing back down once I’m halfway through the turn and back up to 80 before merging across four lanes.

Exit 108 Holly Road. Why do I always notice this sign when I pass. It doesn’t seem to matter which direction I’m going.

It’s like a signal marker but is it even half-way?

I could stop at the McDonalds inside the gas station.

They only have a single bathroom for everyone. You know if you stop you’ll need to use it.

I still cannot believe she didn’t tell me.

But what if she’s right? What if you can’t handle seeing him?

I’m running out of time to make him love me? He has to apologize for everything. To see me get married.

I close my eyes and sigh deep, first making sure no cars were around.

My eyes opened.

EXIT 93 Dixie Hwy 1 mile ahead. What!!!?

I looked in the mirror at the sign.

That can’t be right.

What the heck happened? I was just at the first Holly Road. How did I miss 14 exits?

Did I fall asleep?

No way—we would’ve crashed. You’re not even tired.

Why does this keep happening?

What the hell is wrong with my head? It feels like my brain keeps crashing and rebooting.

I yank my hands off the wheel, shaking them loose.

Why are my fingers sore? They feel like they were locked to the wheel in a death grip.

Pinning my knee against the wheel, I push the sides of each finger against the steering wheel, cracking them in both directions.

Next I splay my fingers and snap my wrist backwards cracking the right then the left.

Ankles stiff, I pull each back and kick the top of my foot against the calf of the opposite leg cracking each, causing a moan of relief to escape me.

Before I could stop myself I reach up and press hard into the side of my right nostril. The sound of the crack fills my head.

I shake my head and flare my nose sniffing repeatedly.

What the hell, you idiot. Stop cracking your nose. You know it always closes your nostril inside.

I forgot.

You're a jackass!

I lightly rub the bridge of my nose, trying to reopen it.