Grenademan Vs the Zombies

As with most apocalyptic events, the world ended on a bet. Of course, as is often the case, the situation was far more complicated and nuanced than that. It depended on how one defined the word “end.” It also involved a lot of alcohol, Doritos, and a willing suspension of any disbelief that the parameters of said bet were possible.

Funny thing about wagers, though. To some, a wager is as serious as a riddle. Humans spin oaths, wagers, and riddles like they are nothing. But there are older beings and older powers that take these actions seriously.

So when Doc bet Jarvi that he and his friends could survive a Zombie apocalypse, declaring that all of the people in those movies were wimps or incompetent cowards, something took notice. The levers and gears of power were set in motion, and soon there were no more words to be said.

Now, Jarvi might not have been a creature bound by oaths like robots who followed their programming, but he did take such challenges quite seriously. And he had spent the last thirty days setting out to prove just how stupid Doc really was.

Jarvi looked around at the others in the group and smiled. They really had no idea what was in store for them. He particularly hated the smug look on Doc’s face. Jarvi said, “I think it’s time for you to put up or shut up.”

Doc scratched the back of his head. He was over six feet tall and very solidly muscled. He’d played a lot of football back in college until he injured himself during senior year. Right now he was wearing his trademark quasi fedora and yellow-tinted, sixties-style prescription sun glasses. “Of course, Jarvi. Now remind me how much this wager was for again?”

Jarvi snarled and pulled out the napkin they’d written the bet on. “You know how much it is, you slacker. It was for $2,000. And I can prove my case. Can you prove yours?”

Doc chuckled and looked back at the other four in the group who had taken his side. They were a motley crew, all of them, and Jarvi had come to hate them over the years. Beads wasn’t unattractive, but with her thick jaw and thicker shoulders, she wasn’t Jarvi’s type. Not that Jarvi couldn’t have any type he wanted at this point. She was practically Doc’s fiancée. They just hadn’t gotten around to actually doing anything about it. Kevin had that annoying laugh and craning neck that jerked up and down. Hector wasn’t there tonight. And then there was Oscar. He hated Oscar most of all, just because of the way he twisted and mocked everything Jarvi said. Oscar had a mouth, and if there was one thing Jarvi couldn’t tolerate, it was a man who didn’t know his place.

Doc said, “I’m prepared. You want to go first?” Doc was always prepared. He was the leader of their pathetic little band. Jarvi had once counted himself amongst their number, but that was before they had rejected him.

Jarvi shook his head. “No. I think I would like to see what you have cooked up here.”

Doc bowed and turned to the others. “I think the time has come to show him The Shelter, don’t you?” He saluted them and they cheered back. Doc turned around and looked at Jarvi. “I think you’re in for a surprise.” he said.

Oh, someone was in for a surprise alright. Jarvi chuckled to himself. There was a reason he wanted to go last. He followed them down the path on the side of the house, carefully stepping on each of the smooth stones set into the grains of sand. He was thorough.

A few moments later, the small crowd had wound its way to Doc’s backyard. Tall pine trees stood sentinel next to the path, but the edge of the wooden fence held back a stampeding herd of ash, oak and yew. Doc’s land was like a mini England. Jarvi remembered him mentioning one time that his father had been some kind of weird tree aficionado. Typical.

Doc motioned Jarvi over to a hill fronted by a thick concrete retaining wall, embedded with a bulky metal door. Doc entered a code on the side of the entrance and twisted the steel airlock until it released with a hiss. The door swung open.

Doc gestured, beckoning with his finger to Jarvi as he walked backwards into the darkness. There was a clatter of metal and some cursing before Kevin turned on a single lightbulb that swung back and forth from the ceiling. Doc grinned proudly and stood amongst piles of cans. “Behold!” Doc waved and turned around triumphantly.

It was impressive. Jarvi did have to agree with that. There were piles of canned and dried food all around the hill that went back at least ten feet, with enough water to last them for months. He followed Doc farther into the darkness where two thick couches were placed in front of a television set. “This here is our Zombie protection shelter. We have enough food to last us for sixty days. We have enough water for 90 days and enough water purification tablets to last for a year. This television is attached to a set of solar panels hidden farther up the hill in one of the trees.”

They had a several shelves stocked with a wide range of DVDs. At least they would be well-entertained at the end of the world. Jarvi couldn’t help but smile at himself. He smiled even wider at the bookshelves that contained a wide collection of material from several different authors. Fiction mixed without hesitation amongst thick text books and philosophical tomes. It looked like Kevin and Beads had provided most of the books. They both had very eclectic reading tastes. Kevin only liked Comic Books and Oscar didn’t read. Doc probably read whatever was available. It was odd because while they talked a lot about books, Doc never really spoke to his preferences like the others did.

Jarvi looked around. He nodded. “And what about weapons?”

Doc said, “I’ve got a pistol and Kevin has a shotgun. Beads has five rifles, and between all of us we’ve got about 4000 rounds of ammunition.”

Jarvi stroked his chin speculatively a moment, “Really? Well I suppose you’d be far more prepared than most. But that’s not really what I’d call the parameters of the bet.”

Oscar leapt forward, “Sure it is! You jerk. Pay up.”

Jarvi chuckled, “Really? You expect me to pay you two thousand bucks for this?”

Oscar said, “This stuff cost a lot of money. You’d better believe I expect you to pay it.”

Jarvi smirked. Oscar was a green belt in Tae-kwon-Do. Of course, he had taken it when he was only twelve, but given the pot Jarvi saw on Oscar’s thirty-five-year-old belly, he was pretty sure the guy hadn’t kept up with it. “I’m sorry. But this doesn’t convince me.”

Doc’s smile grew wider. “I don’t think you remember the wording of the bet yourself, Jarvi.”

“Really?” He sighed and took out the napkin. He wanted to read it. He knew Doc thought he was clever. But they didn’t know Jarvi. They had never known him, but they were going to learn. “Shall I read the napkin?”

Doc waved his hand magnanimously and said, “By all means.”

Jarvi coughed to clear his throat, and then he began to read. “Be it hereby witnessed by the undersigned that The Band of the Grey Orc’s Head does wager Jarmos Almandine that within thirty days they can construct a shelter of sufficient strength to survive a Zombie Apocalypse. The wager shall consist of $2000. Judgment shall be rendered on impartial evidence alone without speculation.”

Doc and the others were laughing hysterically. Doc picked the napkin out of Jarvi’s hands and looked it over. He said, speaking with slow clear words, enunciating with great exaggeration, “Impartial. Evidence. Alone. Without. Speculation.”

The others were silent during the reading with mock solemnity. They remained silent for a full thirty seconds afterward until finally they could stand it no longer and broke down laughing. Beads leaned into Kevin since she could barely keep herself from falling down.

Jarvi gave them a thin smile in return. He remained silent even though he knew that this would be seen by them as a sign of fear or capitulation.

Doc sighed and shook his head, “Tell me, Jarvi. How exactly are you going to prove that this shelter can’t survive a zombie apocalypse?”

“I can demonstrate if you like.”

“Oh, please do. And you’ll need to use impartial evidence. I see a physical shelter here. Got zombies?”

“I do.” Jarvi said it so matter of factly that he felt a small stab of satisfaction as Kevin stopped smiling and looked serious.

Beads caught it too and elbowed him in the ribs. She said, “Please tell me you’re not falling for this?”

Kevin looked sheepish a moment and then looked at Doc, asking, “What if he can?”

Doc looked at Jarvi, still laughing, and then back at Kevin’s serious face. “Can what?” he asked.

“What if he can produce Zombies?” It was impossible, of course. But Kevin’s nervous tone indicated some of the things he had seen Jarvi do in games only seemed impossible, especially when petty vengeance was involved.

Jarvi smiled wickedly. “Oh, I can.”

Doc rolled his eyes and smiled. “Well, this I have to see.”

Jarvi didn’t say anything for a moment. The laughter had slowly stopped. Everyone but Kevin was still smiling. Jarvi looked at Beads and said, “Do you have your guns?”

Beads nodded, “I do.”

“You might want to get them.”

Beads stopped smiling, “I’m not shooting anybody. What did you do? Get a bunch of actors to dress up in Zombie outfits or something?”

“Something like that.” Jarvi smiled. “I’ll happily produce my Zombies as soon as I leave the shelter. I’m even allowing you time to gather your weapons. Unless you want to call off the bet, of course.”

Doc sighed. He looked with great weariness towards the others and said, “Jarvi never knows when to quit. Alright. Get the stuff. I’m not giving up until he does.”

Oscar went right up to Jarvi and looked like he was about to hit him. “Beads spent half of her paycheck on this stuff, you bastard. You’d better pay up.”

Doc put a hand on Oscar’s muscular shoulder. “Calm down, Oscar. It’s fine. You have to know Jarvi. He’s just messing with your head. He’s a jerk sometimes, but he never backs down from a wager. Never. We just need to call his bluff.”

Oscar glared at Jarvi a few more minutes and then looked at Doc. He clenched his jaw but walked back with the others to the cars parked in front of the house.

A thin, cool wind blew down from the north, causing the trees to sway back and forth. The leaves were turning gold, but there was still enough green that it looked like a forest instead of a graveyard. The air smelled wrong though, and the clouds had turned just the wrong shade of gray. Kevin started to feel very nervous. He always wiped his nose when he was nervous. That was why Kevin always lost at cards.

They formed a small bucket brigade bringing the last of their “supplies” from Oscar’s pickup truck to the door. They performed the task with silent resilience. They had no real idea what was in store for them. They worked well as a team, and Jarvi had never fit. It was one of the things he hated about them.

Jarvi waited outside until all of them were inside the shelter with the door firmly and carefully shut. Once they safely locked in, he reached into his backpack and pulled out a well-worn leather tome and opened it. He began to read. The words escaping from his lips were whispers, shadows and hints of actual words, things that were never meant to imprint themselves upon the human mind.

One by one the others came to look through the peep hole in the door, trying to figure out what he was doing. A thin mist surrounded him, creeping up his body and across his arms with a loving caress. His hair slowly moved up and around his body, the black and grey locks moving in an unholy rhythm to a different wind that did not touch the trees. A sudden nameless darkness came to the skies and a faint green and gold light moved up Jarvi’s face as though from a flash light that wasn’t there.

He knew that the others were very frightened at this point. All of them except Oscar, who refused to believe. He couldn’t hear their words, but he could see their faces through the glass, and he knew those faces well. The mist continued to rise up around him expanding, enveloping the hill that contained the shelter and the house.

Shapes slowly moved through the darkness. Jarvi pointed towards the metal door of the shelter. The shapes responded. Slowly, carefully, methodically they shambled towards the door. The mist was thick and hard to see, but there was no doubt that it was a meaty human hand that began to pound on the door’s surface.

The smell of death and rotten decay filled the air, but Jarvi breathed it in like it was sweet perfume. This was his revenge. This was his triumph over their petty bickering and their refusal to acknowledge his worth. They wanted physical evidence? Well, he would give it to them. Oh yes, he would. Gathering his will about him, he extended it out towards the shapes in the mist, willing them to continue the assault.

On and on they came out of the night. Occasionally there was the sound of breaking bones as one of the shadowed figures broke the rotted remains of its limbs against the door. As time passed, the moon rose in her ever-onward journey, reaching her zenith in the sky. Thin gaps in the clouds allowed pale light to dissipate the shadows and reveal the ghastly corpses below. There was no semblance of life to them. Each moved as if driven by half a hundred invisible puppeteers, propping it up against the will of gravity.

Javri kept his concentration and his will focused upon the zombies and his assault. He dare not let his attention waver, lest the beasts turn and devour him. Furthermore, while he wanted to drive his point home, he had no immediate desire to slay them. After all, someone had to witness his triumph.

As the night continued, Javri wondered in vain at the silence beyond the door. The creatures were simply not strong enough to break through the door with brute force alone, and he was running out of ideas and time. How could they be so seasoned against an actual manifestation of the supernatural? How could they resist the horror of death slowly wafting through into their small little bunker?

He moved slowly closer. He had not dared to before now for fear one of the things might grab his arm and distract him, but time was running out. As he moved towards the door he heard some low chanting. It sounded familiar. Closer, closer, closer he crept until finally the terrible words wrote themselves into his mind.

Here’s the story Of a lovely ladyWho was bringing up Three very lovely girls?

Television? They dared to watch television on the night of his supreme triumph?! If that was their key to weathering the madness about them, he had an answer. Focusing his will upon his thralls, he withdrew them from the door with a motion of his hand and set them forward and up the hill. It was slow, at first. They had no fine motor control, but what they lacked in finesse they more than made up for in strength. He would destroy the solar panels. Their generator and their battery could only last them for so long.

They were nearly within sight of the objective when the first lights of the sun rose on the distant horizon. With a sneer, he cursed it until he felt the sympathetic rays of flame upon the flesh of the animated surrogates that expanded his will. It touched his mind with fire that burned it just as much as it burned him. He was in the corpses, part of them, and his mind was expelled from them. With fury, he reached to put out a fire that wasn’t there.

His minions did not fare so well however, as the sun drove the last of the shadows from their rotting flesh leaving only cold corpses behind. As the natural mist of the early morning crept onto the hill, it surrounded their flesh, giving them peaceful rest that Jarvi’s magic had hitherto now denied them.

The door hissed open and Doc wandered out, looking well rested. He waved to Jarvi, “Good morning. How did you sleep?”

Jarvi couldn’t believe what he was seeing. This wasn’t happening!

Oscar came out right after Doc. He sneered at Jarvi and said, “Well, are you going to pay up now?”

Jarvi just stared at them. “You didn’t care? How could you not care?” he screamed at them.

Doc laughed. “Do you think you’re going to fool us with some actors hooked up with some face paint?”

Beads and Kevin came out shortly thereafter. Beads was the first to notice the dead bodies lying around and scowled at Jarvi. “Just what do you think you’re doing? Where did you get these? Some medical testing facility? They are real, right?”

Kevin and cautiously moved to check out the fallen, but was quickly overwhelmed by the stench. The rest stayed where they were. Kevin said, “They look pretty real to me.”

The grin on Doc’s face slowly vanished. “Alright, Jarvi. That’s some pretty low pool. We’re gonna have to report this to the police.”

Unbelievable. “The Police?” Jarvi asked, disbelievingly.

“Yeah, Jarvi. Did you think we weren’t? I mean, sure we’re friends but-”

Jarvi scowled. “We are NOT friends. We never were friends.”

Doc looked mildly hurt and surprised. “But I thought?”

“You thought nothing. If you had been my friends, you would have invested in my stock when I offered it to you. You’d all be rich now instead of chumps.” Jarvi threw his hands up in the air and then motioned out to the bodies, “Do you think I’m just playing a game here, Doc? Do you think that this is fake? You claim to know me better than that.”

Doc’s brow furrowed a moment. “Well now that you mention it, yeah. I am kind of surprised at this kind of behavior from you, Jarvi. Are you okay?”

“Okay?! I unleash the forces of darkness on you for a night and you ask me if I’m Okay?”

Beads, braving the stench, moved to one of the bodies and turned it over. “I think this is my aunt. My god! You soulless thing. We buried her three months ago. You got these bodies ?”

Jarvi began to walk slowly backwards back up the path. Perhaps discretion was the better part of valor here. “From the cemetery, yes. What part of ‘raising the Living Dead’ do you fail to understand?”

Oscar sneered. “Go ahead and run. But give us $2,000 before you do.”

Jarvi snickered. “You didn’t win the bet.”

Oscar looked back at the shelter. “Did the zombies get in?” he asked.

“No, but?”

“Did the bet say how long the apocalypse was supposed to last or how many zombies there were?”

“Hold on.”

“Even if we believe your lie, Jarvi, you still lost the bet. Now pay up.”

Jarvi stood there a moment. He hated them. He hated them with every fiber of his being but he would honor his bets. And he had lost. He reached into his pocket and took out the money. He silently dropped it on the ground. He spun and turned to walk away.

Doc said, “Hold it right there, Jarvi! You’re not going anywhere.” There was an edge to his voice though that made Jarvi satisfied. Doc clearly was starting to believe that this hadn’t been an elaborate hoax on Jarvi’s part.

Jarvi turned around slowly, his eyes glowing a solid red. The faint light from nowhere that had graced his face the night previous now appeared again, but this time with the colors of sunrise that mixed and wove on his features as if he were not a man at all, but a demented pewter doll standing in the wind. “I’ll go where I wa?”

Oscar pointed at Jarvi and laughed. “Look! Jarvi has glow in the dark contacts!”

Beads joined in, saying, “I could get those at any con. A little glow in the dark face paint and a UV light. Give. It. Up. Jarvi.”

After picking up a piece of clothing from one of the dead bodies and watching it turn to ash, Kevin whispered, “I don’t see a UV light.”

“So what. You don’t see much of anything.” Oscar took a swig of soda he had brought with him out of the shelter and belched. He then crushed the can in his large hand and tossed it behind him. The example of what it was supposed to mean was not lost on Jarvi. Oscar said, “Pay up.”

Jarvi used the anima to make the money float up off the ground and then had it float gently across the air and land in a nice pile of hundred dollar bills stacked on Oscar’s left shoe. Everyone but Oscar looked at the money with an expression of utter astonishment. Jarvi loved every minute of that look. It had been worth the prices he had been forced to pay to get the power. He looked up and sneered. “Good bye, Doc.”

Just when Jarvi was about to invoke the Travel spell, Oscar opened his mouth one more time. “You jerk. You’re a complete fake.”

Jarvi almost got angry. He almost made a rock lift up out of the ground and slam Oscar’s skull into a million pieces. Almost. Instead he said, “I’m a fake, huh?”

Doc looked warningly at Oscar. “I don’t like where this is going. Give it up, Oscar. Settle this another day.”

Oscar, however, did not seem to be in the mood to let anything go. “Yeah, you heard me. You’re a fake. A charlatan. A complete fucking maroon.”

“Well,” Jarvi said. “Want proof?” His body became alight with scarlet flame. The smell of brimstone filled the air.

“Sure, why not. I’ll bet you any time, sucker.” Oscar put his foot forward and his hands at his sides confidently.

“Well, how about the same bet, only on a slightly larger scale.”

Oscar was obviously not even paying attention. “Whatever.”

“So say, six months of preparation. Only this time I send a real zombie apocalypse. The stake is your soul.”

Oscar said, “Whatever.”

Jarvi honestly didn’t know if he could actually do anything with Oscar’s soul. But at this point, he was willing to prove a point. Oscar was going down. And so was everyone else. “Done.”

Doc, staring speechless at Jarvi, suddenly spoke, “And what do we get?”

“We? You’re in on this as well?”

Doc looked uncomfortable. “It’s kind of hard to have an apocalypse against one person, isn’t it? I mean, it sounds like we’re part of this whether or not we want to be.”

Jarvi smiled. Now they believed him. or at least Doc did. “What do you propose?”

Doc thought only a moment and then said, “Your power. If we survive a month, you lose all of your power.”

“Done.” Jarvi wasn’t about to pass that up. It wasn’t his power to start with, “Good luck, gentlemen. And lady. You’re going to need it.” His laugh was not exactly of the mad scientist caliber, but it was an excellent start. He didn’t care if they called the police. It would be hard for them to catch up to him where he was going. He vanished in a puff of fire and brimstone. He had quite a bit of work to do.