I love you
One day these tears will stop. One day, I won't feel anything. I feel bad for whoever is around me when that happens. But I feel sorry for myself the most. I hope when that day comes, I can look back on this and remember who I used to be. The tears, the unanswered prayers, the hope that slowly died out. I hope I can look back and feel something again.
To Future me:
It happened, didn't it? I'm so sorry, love. No one else will tell you this, so I will. I'm so sorry this happened to you. You really did try. You tried to reach out. You begged for help. You did. I heard them all.
Your prayers. Your tears.
I felt them all with you. I listen to you. I heard you. I cared. You are so beautiful, love. Let nobody tell you otherwise. Nobody. We know what we hold in our heart. Tune them out. All of them. Remember this moment when your fingers typed this out.
Remember.
Remember the cool air conditioner blowing on your face. Remember being on your knees. Remember the tightness in your throat. Remember the burn in your eyes, in your nose. Remember the tears drying on your face, falling from your chin, wishing that things were different. Remember the loneliness in your heart. Remember what they said about you behind your back. Remember the heaviness in your heart from being let down so many times. Remember those who took advantage of you. So many, I've lost count.
Remember this and feel. Remember this and cry.
I really hope you're crying. If you are, that means your heart still works. It's tired and worn out, but it works :) It still feels. I love you, girl, with all of my heart. More than anyone else ever did. I am your biggest supporter. Your biggest listener. Your biggest fan. I know what happened to you. I care. No one else does, but I do and that's enough.
Reach inside yourself and be untouchable. Be your own confidant. Be your own judge. Be your own jury. Be your own friend. I'm sorry again this happened to you. I know this isn't what you wanted. I will always remember the love bubbling in your heart. And how it was never protected.
