It Really Started to Get Annoying
You’re in for a wild ride.
Hello, My name is Asbjörn Sjöberg-Vargas. I live with my husband Alexander. We have a nice two story house in the suburbs of Washington D.C. I’d like to say that our marriage is perfect, but that is one big fat lie that nobody will believe. We have our ups and downs like everyone else, but our lives are absolutely insane, and that is one thing that I will always appreciate. It means that nothing we do is boring. Ever.
I had just sprinted up the stairs. Jeez! When is this man ever going to get tired? Of course, a married couple chasing each other throughout their house. What could go wrong? A lot of things, apparently, because Alex was chasing after me with a katana. Yep. A katana. Now I know what you’re thinking. “A katana? What in the world? You should run away from him and call the police because he is going to kill you!” Well, our household has a secret. We are immortal. Not what you were expecting, right? I thought so.
Still, you must be wondering why I was being chased down by my husband with a katana. I’ll give you the short answer. To keep things interesting, we play a little game of tag every so often. The twist is that it’s a game of murder tag. We run around the house and whoever gets killed first loses. I mean, we can’t die, so why not?
I’ve been alive for six hundred and fifty years. I’ve been a soldier representing my home country, Sweden, for too long so I’m used to being “killed.” I just sort of pretend to die after I’m stabbed or shot and make a sassy remark like “Hey, do you want this back, or can I keep it?” or “Oh noooo… I’ve been shot…” in a nonchalant fashion. That usually shocks the life out of people, so why not?
I met Alex when I was a hundred or so. I can’t really remember all too well, but I think he was trading different products from Spain and met him in Poland. We chatted for a while, and he decided to stay with me for a while. What was supposed to be a week turned into a month, which turned into a year, which turned into a decade. I noticed that he didn’t appear to be aging, so I brought it up into daily conversation and he gave me a terrible cover-up sort of answer. I knew then that he was like me, so I confessed both my love and my immortality. We only just got married a couple months ago because of the recent legalization of same-sex marriage, but we would’ve definitely done it sooner if that wasn’t the case. It was a small wedding. We don't have friends for the fear of them dying and our families have passed so we pretty much eloped. It was a minuscule ceremony that took about twenty minutes, and we were soon off to continue living like we had been before. The only difference was that we had a new sense of connection unlike before.
You might be wondering who won our little game of tag. Well, it most definitely wasn’t me. I certainly tried, but Alex cornered me in our bedroom. Truly a stupid mistake on my part. If only I’d thought of jumping off our balcony. I bet that could’ve worked. Damn. I guess now you know who got sliced with a katana. It really started to get annoying.
