Chapter 1
「Hey come on get up. 」The blur battered against his eyes. Oh the fog and the whirl of his mind. Tiny red dots blundered pass his line of sight. Plonk Plonk Plonk Plonk Plonk
In his subconsciousness, he raised his arm ever so slightly. Little tentacle-like swaying to the wind, the thin vessels, wrapped around a glint of bone with that acute sharpness that could burn hearts. the grease on the floor, on his body, his whole soul ripped out and stuck back in, his ribs down like paper to the tigers shredded and gone, the meat just hanging out jumbled on the ground in such a state of peace anyone would have thought he was a butcher with some good taste in fresh fresh meat. Except that he was selling his own.
Then, a slight whish, the tiniest of breeze twirled round loose filaments of hair.
「yes. get her. still there. dont let anything stop me from getting to her. 」
「one limb.the other go slow slowly.」
he dragged himself through the muck on the ground, all that flesh strung up by little tissue pulling behind him, like a little cross body bag. And the blood already black tainting his clothes, brown and green.「who cares about the stench」「why would they do this to me」.「all those things」.
「gifts from god left for my consumption.」
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RING RING
「bro who is that
i tumbled out of bed
ew its some radio birthday thingy
why are they calling me
i was still drunk from all that beer yesterday, all that bile that spurt out of my mouth, that i could not make sense of absolutely anything
”happy birthday!” They chirped.ew its that radio thingy.but i was polite.very polite :)
so i just went to say hi.just for the whole world to hear
i was a little more kind
“So.. who do you think called us to celebrate your birthday?”
ew how fake and wrong and childish.who in the world in my whole family tree still treats me like a child?well, none.wait. No. they wont know. the dont know. theres no way they know. stuff i stash in my house remain as that. no they dont know. this is all a coincidence. but at 22? not even a perfect number to celebrate my birthday on.
no but how could they know? nobody came to my house, the tiles are. greased, the marble turned black, nobody dares to enter… this is all a coincidence. coincidence. “uh, porbably my family members, obviously” my voice was awfully slurred and unfocused, and then they screamed in that ew voice “ did you know at almost the same minute, your whole family, all your family members texted at the same time, to us? Wow whats that family spirit!?! Incredible, this is the first time anyone has done this… what age you turning this year?” “22 duh” more incoherent blurry voices tumbling out of my mouth. the same routine questions they asked, then the cake. yet my mind was on some completely different thing. they dont know about all this. they dont. no they cant im dead if they do. its no coincident, my whole family called me. they pretend its no big deal, just a celebration, then they take the cake that gets sent to my house and give excuses like how I cant eat the cake by myself and then they enter the house and confront me. no this will not happen. pls dont tell me my girlfriend’s on their side. pls no. jiust no.
if its like this i will kill them all.」
RING RING
「there went the bell. i already had my knife in pocket. i will kill them then eat them up. with stew, it shouldn’t be that bad. garlic will mend the tanginess of the flesh, and stitch the flavours together. my family members came. wow how welcoming
they are, bringing me cake and presents for my 22nd birthday. probably the last time they do this. everybody was so nice and welcoming there were gleaming white incisors and pulpy lips pulled across faces i couldnt imagine the rotten stuff they tried to conceal underneath. ew. assumptions are definitely right. at least they came to celebrate. ill clean everything up and tell anyone who asks that they migrated somewhere to make up smth and then idk leave someone alive and said they died or smth. “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” wow how entertaining. i glanced at all of them like they were some big comedy. wow look at the ew kids jumping around like its their their birthday instead of mine. they would soon be gone in their little seashell-race car-shiny shiny colourful bed dreaming sweet dreams of unicorns of flowers and other weird shit they dream of, nestled in those little comforters of theirs, shyly backing away from reality.
then, the ew adults, the people about to call the cops anytime after the kids leave, then probably backing off as everyone holds some weapon and force me down on my knees like some deity of the ritual circle with revolving candles around it. its amazing how in this day and age of singapore, so crimefree and banning all sorts of stupid weapons, that even the most powerless, patriotic citizen could still spawn a pistol or 2 aimed at their very beloved family member. wow bottom of the hierachy of authority far beyond the law’s grip, ripped out pages of the penal code, still able to go threaten me. and how did they find out in the first place??? the celebration commenced. the cake was cut, the children were drunk on sugar, and the adults high on conversations and swigs from glass bottles. i just sat on the sofa and somehow insidiously sank in such a way that my ass was halfway into the back of the fabric about to tear it so bad that wool from underneath would explode out of it. like snow. it would be so loud the children’s faces would be contorted with the urge to laugh and cry at the same time, and the adults would try to shush them as the cries of exhaustion just washes through my apartment, and hope that the neighbours dont come and slaughter us and stick our cadavers out from their balcony, withered, shrivelled and swaying to the wind like laundry brought out to dry. but through the laughter and the screams and the enjoyment, there was always that hint of despondency permeating the air. that anxious, quivering souls that scrambled for the dark yet their eyes still reflected what was left of the light rays, hidden somewhere if you squint hard enough you could see. deep in the cave, yet too afraid to pull themselves together and fully immerse themselves to watch the bats, or the stalactites, just sharp and hideous in the shadows.
and here i come…」
「the babies had gone home
sent home with the maids
useless in the confrontment, kissed goodbye
here i am confined in the circle of all my brothers and sisters and parents and all their partners, which was a big circle. very very big. a nice little well carved of the flesh of us very humans.
“so what do you have to say for yourself” “this is your chance to confess” “but we call the cops anyways.” they shrugged nonchalantly and all, as if i was left with no choice but to oblige. “SCARED?” big brother smirked in the same way he did when we were chidren and he was buying me candy or letting me fly the paper plane. how dare he use it on me??? then his girlfriend glanced at me knowingly ew ew ew and then mine did so too and i felt like i was some nice little animal and the researches were scrutinizing my nice little body. my brothers girlfriend chimed in “at least show us the…the bodies… we need to know it was you.” urgh i swear to god i told no-one and no-one knew about this. “i dont-dont know what you guys are yapping about” when you were in check you could only make a number of moves and i could only make one this time. ew. “no we know its you…just need proof” they rephrased. i slowly backed, retreated, finding myself plastered to some wall only after a few steps. well my only protection. oh yes and my knife in my pocket too. some switchblade with some wooden handles. it’s kinda mouldy. found in the bombshelter in this musty old apartment. and then i start contemplating killing the shittalkers first, the noisy ones. but i might slip on the grease on the floor from the years of not mopping my floor and the years of spilling soup on the ground on my unsteady walks with a bowl of cup noodles in hand from the kitchen to the living room. “please just say, please dont be dumb today and dont tell me some stupid excuse…” younger brother with his ew girlfriend and that feminine features written all over his face and bony, pale arms beseeched, but that creamy voice of his blended into the silence that seemed to come out as a mating whine when the male was already exhausted from the fun. well, i had to confess, about all of the guys in this family had female features, and vice versa. mine was hair that kinda licked my neck in an awful curvy way that i could not control. i glanced at them then at the grime on the floor then at my reflection through that metal cupboard at the far end of the living room, in it stashed some random items i also didnt really care about.
RING RING
「someone called the cops
“ew. no. sorry” that was all i could say. easy. time to get moving
i striked at the shittalkers, weaklings. the women. easy. the glint of the knife, the holes in the face. mouths open. screams out.
then the flash of a hirsute hand. no draw of blood. nothing. big brother had pulled them back in one large embrace. the first strike was always vital, i had missed it. im cooked for life. the oldies backed off. big brother screamed, “YOU DONT TOUCH NO ONE STAY BACK OR I BUTCHER U UP” and then another hairy hand swiped at my face. uselessly, i crumbled down. plastic bag washed ashore, stampeded over by little kids trampling over the sand deep in all that muck. me on the floor. a large ugly bruise blossomed over my skin. let me play defence. i hunched over, my hand over my face. they must be thinking how i became like that- i dont know guys, puberty??? my fingers were still wrapped over the mouldy switch blade. i surveyed everyone, everything. the colours just looked so wrong. ew. and the grime on the floor. back to everyones faces. wow what you want a middle child to do, be good like everyone else? not happening. the body was in the kitchen. no way im telling anyone. i was planning to cook it for my birthday meal with some burgers and stuff. let your grown son enjoy a day of peace, its his birthday for gods sake. trying to expose some vulnerability, i tried again. quitters dont win and winners dont quit. it was time to win some lives. i tried under. well big brother was always one step in front. against the wall i went, tossed around, back to square one. “STAY AWAY I TELL U THE COPS ARE COMING”he screamed. wow big brother being protective. lucky me, younger brother was always one step behind me. i drew some blood. the thighs were dripping with it. i smiled, slumped against the wall. one little blood strip down my nose. ew people. up i went, slashing and slashing and slashing, such that no-one prepared for this sudden outburst, and i managed to tackle down younger brother’s girlfriend. slash slash slash, three big strips through the chest, i might have struck some artery, the blood spurt out, like some water show, with red lights, that is. it was amazing how slashing required so little force to make a crack through the fragile skin. deep into organs. direct. slash slash slash. stab. holes in the heart. gaping, wide and open. it could have been a masterpiece, except on skin. It could have been a tattoo, except the masterpiece involved drilling holes through the body. it could have been lobometry, except it was done on the heart. the blood that came out made me dizzy with ecstasy. on that woman. shittalker. just one little problem, the little blade got stuck in the chest of hers, and i was afraid that if i pulled too hard, organs would come out too fast. harder to clean. then i could feel big brother’s wrench just pushing me aside, down down on the ground, and then another weak pull of the skin from the other side, the tears down the face, of my parents. they were kneeling. they were praying. to me. “stop this stop everything just confess— police coming…” that desperation, a threat.」
「“chopper… kitchen… someone get the chopper… no cleaver… the big one… rectangular” these were the whispers passed around, as i was binded to the wall, tough hands, crushing my ribs. release. guys is there a superstition where falling three times on your birthday is bad luck??? i hope not. i just fell the third time. big brother’s dangerous. with a cleaver hes murderous. cleaver to the neck. that was not a warning. it was intention. to kill. thump thump thump. against the table. metal and wood, the table got a little splintered. “WHERE IS THE BODY, WHERE ARE THE BODIES WHATEVER JUST SHOW US, OR I ACTUALLY CUT U UP” no i seriously needed to defend myself. i threw a low punch at the little bulge of stomach, the fleshy bit, hoping it deters him, and forces him back before i break free of the curse and run out of the house. and when they find the body, they cant find me. but big brother wasnt so stupid. i attacked my parents instead, tackling them down, concussions on the ground. younger brother hopped out of my way, then i sped through and collided with one side of big brother’s pelvis, hoping to fracture it. but obviously no bone shifted. there went the cleaver, chop chop chop. there went my arm, flying far away, bone splintering like the table. weak. there went my skin, as if exploding from the rest of the body. bloodbath. oh the pain, i would die from the exsanguition. it was like my nerves were literally getting burnt willingly till there was a loss of senses, the corrosion of the skin, the liver revealed under the tissue mass. the blood, slippery, yet big brother was not stopping there. in and out, up and down, a swivel door that refused to stop spinning, the cleaver that broke through all bones that refused to budge, my offal looking tasty under the dim light. on. off. on. off. this was not death yet. the finish line was still far. a mountain to go. the heart was hanging out of the ribs, yet it had continued to beat. in my peripheral, the whole family was trying to pull big brother back. yes i killed your children, yes i killed your ex. but no im not telling you that, big brother. i know your pain. i feel it still. but im not dead. not yet. because… you havent felt my pain.
i blacked out.」
「RING RING
that was a few years back
i was in some secondary school and big brother was in some instituition. and then apparently he had done some super super illegal stuff and i was prefect back then. then one day he and some big bullies threatened me and threw me down a very big drain. and then the water almost drowned me and made we want to vomit, and i had also fallen and scraped both knees hard. really hard. they threw all the drugs at me and all the bad stuff and then they ran away. i could only bring it to the police office to report everything but before i could explain myself, i was caught. big news back then. he ruined my entire life. and i couldnt hate him for it. i could not make his life bad. because everyone had already turned against me. now he was some financial bank guy. and i stupidly remained i unemployed. he was the whole family’s financial support, ruining his job meant ruining everyone’s life. i could not take that. i could only take things close to him. one by one.」
「plonk plonk plonk plonk plonk blood everywhere and that arm yes that arm and that chunk of bone the little fragments, wild and free. ah yes his girlfriend. there were dots in front of me, my vision felt so wrong. body on the floor. ew my face was inches from all that grime. how am i to kill everyone in this room. i could feel my lungs burning out, they were struggling. both my legs were gone. i didnt feel them anymore. and my hands. oh my hands, oh my fingers—skin peeled off it, big brother’s fault. more likely flayed. i inched forward, writhing haplessly, some progress made. i would stab that girlfriend searching for the bodies. big brother’s girlfriend. make her die worse than anyone else, then i would burn everything down. burn out. the switchblade was stuck in some other girlfriend’s back—i could hear weeping from the bedroom. then the thumps of big brother scavenging for bodies. then the softer creaks of the doors as my parents opened them for random checks. they would never fiind the bodies.
no-one heard me, my soul amorphous and floating somewhere else, and what was left was the deteriorating, mangled flesh pile mutilated and black at its ends with deoxygenated skin, having not being able to die in peace. i still had something to complete.
halfway in heaven felt so good.」
「yes. no-one heard me. no-one heard me. the tiled floor was patchwork and my blood, the loose strings, tied them together, stitch by stitch. the amalgamation of pain seemed to send spasms through my muscles. I looked ridiculously dead and wriggling at the same time. ew. my vision was a little more blurry. there was this weird feeling of tears about to come out yet stagnant on my eyes, making my view seem like everything around me was ballooned up. there was so much blood on the floor, yet no-one cared. they were still searching. forever searching.
death shall come slow.i approached her. slow and steady. then up went my bones. the splinter that could work as a knife or something. shredding through skin, piercing through souls. deep in the cave. where silence sang, and rocks danced. deep through cartilage. deep through and out the other side. frail like a withered flower, she flopped. BANG. there went her head. there went her face. half through a cleaver she was admiring in the kitchen. perfect halves. gouged out the eyeballs, i might have. or they may have just popped out. nice grey matter. and jelly fluids, might be cerebrospinal. they clung to the remnants of my skin, drip drip drip everywhere. a swimming pool of the freshest carcass. selling well. limp she was. shittalker girlfriend. incisors plucked out. the knife continue to carve its way through her face. then the screams.」
「”ALIVE HE STILL ALIVE WHATS WRONG WHAT THE HELL NO NO NO WHATS THAT THATS WRONG AHHHHHH” there went the parents, and big brother and then younger brother and all their girlfriends. well except big brother’s girlfriend. and there they saw the face half through the knife, and my limbs through her chest. stuck there. not moving. more like my fractured bone. decaying to the breeze and the acids in her body. ahh, look at the way big brother literally breaking down in front of the whole family. there he went knocking over things and banging his head into walls. there he went. one less person to kill. my fricking decomposing body just got attached to that girlfriends chest, as we all watched, big brother’s fingers bruising then gradually the skin wore off, then smashing him head across the walls, and i started to wonder who the mad one was right now. “NO PLEASE SHES NOT DEAD SHES NOT DE…” CRACK. there went his jawbone, gone to the impact. disjointed words spewed out, in a burst of desperation and sadness? idk yet there he was, breaking every part of him. so unlike bigbrother. no-one interfered. no-one cared. we just stared at him, down to himself to decide his fate. life ends today, for this family. some things that were written were written. and we couldnt change those. time to burn.」
「no-one really cared about me. and no-one really cared about big brother. they just had to find evidence, to proof that their middle child-son had killed those people, for the sake of the victims, so they didnt have to pay on behalf of me, with the suspicion that they had framed me or something. so there i went crawling out of the house, and up with the fire. the second the dead girlfriend got dragged out behind me, the whole house succumbed to the screams of the flames.」
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deep into the night, a crowd of neighbours had gathered. below the rental flats.
watching the firemen put out the flames. “hey heard the whole family’s cukoo” “heard really scary sounds like people chopping stuff and screams and bangs” “police said theres some scary thingy. so much blood they seeped to the level below, through the cracks and crevices, idk, really bad” “there was meat at the doorstep and like a dead girl. investigations are ongoing. oh yes the meat might have been human flesh, its really scary” “yes investigations are ongoing, but there were found to be 11 bodies inside the apartment.” “what. 11? thats crazy. how???” “yes there were 2 badly decomposed bodies, attempts were seen to be made to mummify them with uh- toilet paper? thats stupid.” “weird people, apparently a cleaver and switchblade was found, ah yes the switchblade was stuck in the back of one girl.” “yes that pile of meat was found to belong to a 22 year old. uh no what i mean is that meat flesh thingy-its him” “i guess he got chopped up real bad” “hey do you know that radio birthday thingy?? so right… the guy who got called was the dead guy… and like…”“people have gotten quite crazy nowadays. he has a criminal record… if im not wrong? some corrupt guy.”
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big news guys. big news.
