Part 1 - Belief
Alice ~
“If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense.
Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn’t.
And contrary wise, what is, wouldn’t be. And what it wouldn’t be, it would.
You see?”
Tweedle Dee ~
“Contrariwise… If it were so, it might be, and if it weren’t so, it would be, but as it isn’t it ain’t.
That’s logic.”
Chapter 1
Belief
“What is real to you Barney?”
“My wife. My sons. I see them. Everyday. They are beautiful and they are precious and I adore them.”
“Where do you see them?”
“In my home. Our house.”
“Are they happy?”
“Of course they’re happy. I’m happy to be with them. We are the family I always dreamed I would have. We are the foursome who take holidays and go camping and buy a dog and have a picket fence”
“You don’t have a picket fence though?”
“No but I have a forested wall and large iron gates which protect my family.”
“Apart from your family, what else is real? What else do you see?”
“I see the belief my wife has in me. That’s important to me.”
“Why?”
“I need someone to believe in me. I always have. At first it was my parents and then it should have been Rowe but she didn’t believe in anyone other then herself. And then it was Emily.”
“What about your brother? Your sister?”
“Ha I’ve never met people so selfish as my brother and sister. They are the worst type of sibling”
“Why?”
“They don’t care about anyone but themselves. They are self centred, narcissistic, cruel. For a lot of my childhood I used to pretend I was an only child and I was never happier.”
“Do you speak now?”
“Rarely. Even less now my parents are dead. My parents always wanted the safe family unit but they had three children who hated the sight of each other. They were never going to get the safe family unit.”
“Is that why you wanted it? Because they wanted it?”
“No. I wanted it because I needed it. They wanted it because they wanted to have bragging rights. I love my parents, loved. But I never wanted to be them and I think I have succeeded in not being them.”
“Do you think you’re a good father”
“I think so”
“Do you think you’re a good husband?”
“I think so”
“Why?”
“Because I love my family.”
“You love your family?”
“With all my heart”
“Why?”
“Because they believe in me”
“Is it still snowing?”
“Outside?”
“Yes”
“Not that I am aware of”
“Good I fucking hate the snow” he whispered it but she heard it clearly. She looked back at him, her hair covering the side of her face that she had closest to him.
“Why do you hate the snow?”
“It makes everything stop. Makes it quiet. Too quiet. Blankets the world and I hate that. I really hate that”
“Are you scared of snow?” he looked at her incredulously as she stood to pull her jacket over her shoulders and found her bag on the chair closest to the wardrobe.
“No” he scoffed at her, what a ridiculous question, “I just hate that it makes everything stop.”
“Maybe that’s your problem? Maybe you just need to stop for once. I’ll see you tonight”
~~
